My 10 year old son had innappropriate touching with his friend.

[laceejm]

A few days ago, my son confesses to me, just randomly that he cant stop watching the pornography you tube videos, he feels so guilty about it and wants to stop and says he prays to God to help him stop. He wanted me to know because he knows he's not supposed to be doing this. This is something he was caught doing at the age of 7 and was taught about the birds and the bees at that young age unfortunately, since he already learned from the videos I thought it best we clarify to him the actual meaning of it. He was told it's not appropriate to watch them, although it's normal to be curious.

So then a few days later, he tells me again just randomly, his inappropriate behaviors with his friends. He states basically that he's riddled with guilt and needed to tell me. It's been weighing on his mind and he cant stop thinking about it and he needed to tell me because he feels guilty about it after he does it. He did not want to go into detail but basically tells me that him and his friends, his age, show each other there privates and may or may have not touched each other, he said he couldn't remember. I pursued further until he told me everything.

HIs balling his eyes out at this point and tells me his friend from a few years ago, he's ten now so they were 7ish at this point, he tells me they put each other's penises in each others mouths. I'm dead faced at this point in our conversation, I try not to show my shock but my eyes are wide and I know he see's it. What in the world do you say to this?

I asked him if he liked boys? He said no with shock that I even asked that. Is this normal curiosity, what's happening to my son?

[AnnieBrooke]

I'm more concerned about his distress and possibly where he learned this in the first place, than about whether they did it.  Yes, it's normal for kids to do some kind of experimenting (there's even a reference in "A Chorus Line" to practicing kissing with one's girlfriends when in order to know what to do when you got bigger and had a date -- if it makes it into a musical, ya gotta know its a thing) but whether or not it's normal for someone to take someone else's privates into his mouth I don't know.  It might not be unheard-of.  At 7 (is that when you said he did it?) it probably isn't about sex per se, the hormones aren't strong enough, it's more about being curious.  Especially if he had been watching porno videos.

(Incidentally, why did he have access to such videos?  It is possible to get a porn block put on a computer.  In your case I certainly wouldn't wait, I'd get a computer geek in now and have it done.)

Anyway, talk to a family counselor and ask about this.  My guess is that it's somewhat normal, but that you need to work on getting the kid away from the porn and on getting him some relief from his distress.  Tossing in God and guilt is not going to do him any good, as you can see from his tears.  He feels like a bad person, and that needs to be taken care of.  After you talk to the counselor and get some perspective, have your son go to him or her (or someone else he recommends) to talk about his guilt and grief.  I don't actually think what he did is so horrible, but he does, and it's not good for a 10-year-old to think he is a bad person.

[specialmom]

I'm glad he is talking to you about these things.  Unfortunately, open access to things like youtube or the internet in general for young kids really is not a good idea.  It's so easy to stumble onto those sites.  So, we need to put controls onto our kids computers/ipads, etc. if we are concerned about what they are doing.  And have rules for the use of these devices.  My kids are allowed on youtube but I monitor it and they lose the privilege if they go to inappropriate sites.  Period. they know this.  they follow my rules.  A boy tried to show my son some porn once =  my son told me,  I told that boys mom as she is a friend of mine, she discreetly changed his settings so he had no access.  I think since then, he's lost the internet for browsing unless its homework.  

Anyway, I have an 11 year old and a 13 year old.  My 13 year old has hit puberty.  My 11 year old hasn't.  10 is awful early to be into porn.  

I think you need to have a heart to heart, get him active in more productive things, and start monitoring the internet and limiting access.  

With his friend, at 10---  child on child molestation is something that happens.  I don't think it is natural for a 10 year old to love porn or to be touching/touched by friends.  Perhaps a little playing doctor, but what you are describing to me sounds like either your son was touched by someone else or the other child was and is not bringing to your son which is a common pattern.

What about getting a therapist to help explore these things?  Your son is quite sexualized for a 10 year old.  good luck hon and let us know how it goes.