2 year old tries to strangle infant sister!!

[sixstarrs]

Today while we were cleaning up our outside toys, I placed my 9 month old in her stroller and was instructing the older children to pick up toys.  Everyone was being so good and cooperative (I have 4 kids and they had buddies over).  When I turned around, my 2 year old had both hands around my 9 month old daughter's neck and he was squeezing really hard.  I let out a shriek and ran over to them (just a few feet away).  I instinctively popped him on the behind (not hard, no red spots, no marks, just enough to get his attention and get him to unhand her!)  

WHat bothered me most is that he was pretty calm about trying to choke her and she was unable to breathe!!  He did n't seem to care until his bottom got a swat!  (We usually do time out's in the corner, but this was extreme!)

He's always been my most agressive child, but mostly to defend himself from older siblings.  HE is VERY verbal and speaks in complete sentences and is very easily understood, so his communication skills are fabulous.  He's also very much a "mama's boy" lately and very lovey with me, though he's recently decided he doesn't care too much for the 9 month old.

I Am wondering if his behavior is "normal" sibling rivalry or if he's displaying some really scarey symptoms of some social disorder??!!  HELP!  I was so scared today when I saw that!  I am afraid to even go to the bathroom if she's in the same room with him!!

[DrSamiD]

My son 2.5 years old did the same to our 9 month old.  And we don't even have older siblings in the picture. I doubt  that's the issue. I  also freaked out that he really could hurt our 9 mo old. I showed him how he could instead hold him under his arms rather than a choke hold. Now am watching these two like a hawk.  I think it's because our baby has been crawling and he thinks the little is ready to play/rough house.  He doesn't know he is hurting the baby, although scary.  I put him in time out. I think sometimes the two need to be separated and the older one needs his one on one time w/o the little following him everywhere.

[sixstarrs]

rose, it's not like they are beating him up or anything.  they just want to sometimes do thier own thing and he's the third wheel.  i kind of feel like you're accusing me of not having a loving family and that's just not so.  i was just wondering if this is just normal behavior due to not being the baby any longer or if it's a sign that he may be emotionally disturbed.  the older kids aren't pounding on him or anything like that.  they are never left unattended, it's just that the big two are into imaginary games, etc and pretend play while a 2 year old is into doing his own thing.  

[RockRose]

I forgot to finish with my post,  sorry.  In a family where all the kids are loving,  well,  all the kids are loving.

In a family where older kids are rejecting,  all the kids are rejecting.  I think you need to start at the top and stop your older kids from being so rejecting of him.  

[RockRose]

SixStarrs,  good gracious!  A two year old has now idea that choking a baby will kill it.  He's being bullied by his older siblings, and he's bullying his younger sibling.  It runs downhill,  as they say.

Somehow you need to stop the aggression that's coming his way,  and he'll stop aggessing against the baby.

[sixstarrs]

HIs older brother and sister are the best of friends and frequently leave him out of "big kid ( they are 5 and 4) games.  Occasionally, they take his stuff or try to bully him into playing their way and they get corrected for that.  MOStly, he's left out by them and even though he's big and athletic, he's still littler and gets left behind.  

THe baby is crawling like crazy and he hates it.  HE frequently screams "Take her away!" when she comes within 3 feet of him.  

HE scared me so much today.  I had visions of him becoming some animal and baby abusing sociopath.  I was horrified to see that~!

[SL345]

From what you described it sounds like sibling rivalry combined with possible reactions to whatever he is "defending" himself from his older siblings about. Do they tease or are they physical with him? His naturally aggressive demeanor, being a "Momma's Boy," possibly being treated in some kind of aggressive way by his other siblings and his younger sister moving toward being mobile (is she crawling and getting into his things, yet?) may combine together to result in the behavior you described. The good news is he has really good language skills so you can begin to talk to him about "no hurting and using his words" if something is upsetting him. Hang in there.