Seperation Anxiety? My 5 year old public appearance woes

[lilma7]

Jake is 5 years old. He is the youngest of 7 kids;  Jake has always been quiet and shy. He does like to have pictures taken and is a sweetheart and very outgoing with us, his family!
But when it comes to school, His biggest shyself comes out. He went to full day prek last year. He did graduate and even volunteered to say the pledge of allegiance with his principal at the graduation ceremony.
However, it wasn't unusual for him to not want to go to school or to leave him with the school counselor, kicking and screaming. I had to go to the school to take diabetes supplies to my newly diagnosed  Juvenile diabetic but had to hide coming in and out of the school so that Jacob wouldn't see me.
This year, is no different. He is now in Kindergarten and you would think that he would have grown out of it, but NO,
Today for example, he started to tell me he didn't want to go to school just as I was preparing his lunch. (He goes to pm half day Kindergarten.)  I told him horror stories about being grounded to his bed for the rest of the day and night. All he said was, "ok", He cried all the way to the bus (4 houses away) and then would not get in the bus! I was at the steps falling all over myself telling the bus driver, "He might go to school",  We are staying with my sister temporarily and so my nephew offered to drive us there. That means a ride in  his souped up sports car! Well, I was excited to go, but Jacob didn't want to. What?! No, Jacob didn't want to.
When we got home, I drilled him, frustrated I asked, "Why?" He said he didn't want to do his projects and didn't want to write or learn letters. "Thats what you DO in kindergarten!" If you don't learn those things, you don't go to first grade!!"
"Can I go to my bed now?" He was crying a bit but then suddenly a few minutes later I heard ....quiet. He fell asleep.
I seriously think he is a morning person. But he was in full day preK last year?  We had a similar episode last week and the week before that. Church Sunday School is the same story.  The stress about absences at school frighten me and the thought of him repeating kindergarten over this makes me want to do something NOW!  What are we to do?

[specialmom]

Oh yes, I agree with rockrose and jdtm (and maybe he has a touch of social anxiety?).  I think the absolute wrong approach is to shame him, grill him, drill him etc. that you are currently doing.  This will backfire and make the experience of school just that much worse for him.  

I have a child with some developmental issues--------- biggest advice given to me before kindergarten by the school team I met with-------------- ALWAYS stay positive and keep things happy regarding school.  Even if my son pushed back, I have to always remain up beat.  

I think our son would have done better with a big hug and a "here's your lunch kid" than the scolding he had for not being excited about school.  

good luck and I hope it gets better.

[jdtm]

I believe that RockRose is correct - you need to be a calming and logical person in your son's life.  Your son is suffering from mild separation anxiety but it appears not to be severe in its nature.  Just be very casual and matter-of-fact when stressing that "yes, your job is school" and don't act stressed or frightened (even if you feel that way).  The fact that your son said the pledge of allegiance at the graduation ceremony and is able to sleep at night are major signs that the anxiety is more of a shyness or anxiousness rather than a serious disorder.  He will be fine - but anxiety or shyness or  anxiousness requires a long time before a child is able to manage or cope.  And, we're talking years, not weeks or months, but each year should become easier for him to manage or cope.  

If it helps, there's lots of information on the internet - googling phrases as "school anxiety and children" or "kindergarten and anxiety" or "how to help your child adjust to school" or similar words/phrases should give you lots of reading material.  There are also many books in bookstores or on-line or in libraries on this topic (you school might even be able to help you here).   As RockRose said "just try to keep it low key and positive" and he will be fine.  All the best ...

[ticked]

Maybe he has social anxiety. I am not sure how young you can be for it to be diagnosed.  

[RockRose]

lilma, I think you need to be very matter of fact and calm and not dramatic about his not wanting to go to school.

Almost every kid doesn't want to go to school,  at least during some phases of their childhood.  

You just say well sorry,  I know you'll have an okay time when you get there,  and when you come home I will have made cookies.  (Or we can watch a video together,  something he likes and can look forward to.)

Telling him if he doesn't do well in kindergarten he won't get to go to first grade probably won't have a positive effect on him - it's doubtful he wants to go to first grade!

Just try to keep it low key and positive.