My 6-year old is driving me crazy

[augie999]

My stepson and I are very close, he even calls me "mom" and he lives with his dad and myself 5 days out of the week and then at his moms the last 2 days.  He has been through a lot, his mom and dads divorce was a nightmare and his mom has tried to manipulate him most of his life, so I feel for the little guy, but I don't know how to handle the fact that he will not listen and he thinks that he can do whatever he wants and not follow our rules or the school rules.  My husband and I have set a routine for him since he was little and we have never waivered on our rules, but at his other house he can pretty much do whatever he wants and doesn't get disciplined for it, so who do we get it through to him that he cannot act that way with us or at school because he is one office visit away from being suspended from kindergarten. Please help!

[moonshadow78]

As a step parent to 3 children plus my own 1, I feel your frustration. We get our 3 children every other 2 weeks (2 weeks at a time) and it is a struggle to get them "back in shape."  Consistency is key with any child. Don't give up on your rules, routines and disciplines. Eventually he should get a grasp on the idea though it  might take time. It is always hard for the little guys to go from one place to another and make the necessary changes in behavior, especially at a young age. Set small goals for him to meet in reasonable amounts of time. Let him know that if he is good at school then you will give him a prize or have a pizza night. Praise also goes a long way as well.  Small rewards for good behavior seems to go over well with  my children. Sometimes the rewards are stickers or some special snack. Other times we make a family day where the kids get to pick the activity with in reason. Working  with the school closely also helps. Let him know that you do know his teachers and that you speak/see them regularly. In the mean while keep your head up, it will get better. :)

[RockRose]

I don't know that not having rules every weekend is what's causing him to act lawless at school or at your home.

Children tend to be quick to learn what rules they have to follow in different locations - school rules are much stricter than home,  rules inside church are stricter even than school rules,  and there aren't many rules on the playground.  And you can't run at the pool.  Kids learn rules and where they apply,  if those places are consistent.  

Sounds like the school, and your home,  where he spends most of his life have very consistent rules and he doesn't follow them.

I think you need to look outside of her home when you try to determine the cause of his rule breaking behavior,  and finding solutions for it won't necessarily be solved if he never goes back there ever again.

[augie999]

Thank you for your reply,  we have been taking him to a child psychologist since October and it seems to help for a short while and then he reverts back to his behavior, he really is a great kid and has so many wonderful qualities and we realize that he is torn between homes and that to some degree our hands are tied until we can go back to court.  Our only problem is that even the psychologist has said that it will take a miracle to have him taken away from his mom, the sad thing is that his mom really loves him but she doesn't realize the negative impact she is placing on him, I mean she thinks she should be mom of the year, so talking sense into her has been virtually impossible.  We just don't know how to steer him in a better direction and we hate the fact that he is always in trouble, it is not fun for him or for us and we feel like him being in trouble all of the time is making him more angry, but we don't want to let his misbehavior go un-noticed so we just don't know how to better the situation.

[LRM1021]

The trouble here is that at his other house, what you and his Dad say has no enforcement.  The only way to correct this situation is to have the same rules enforced the same way all the time. If his mother refuses to work with you on this, then:
- you have to take some type of legal action to keep him away from her and/or force her to comply, and you know to do that you're going to have to prove that her parenting, or lack thereof, is detrimental to him, or
- you have to accept that she will not do this.

If the latter, I would suggest talking to the school counselor and/or an outside counselor to get some help for you and your son -- so that he can develop the self control that he needs, even though he is not being encouraged to in one of his homes. A counselor could really help.