Aa
Please help me!
My son is another child when he is in preschool... not respecting friends space, doing whatever he feels like doing, not listening to his teachers...and now we are told he started pinching his friends. He would never do this at home and we are at a loss. Academically, he is above par, but socially (both in and out of school), he is below par. We have heard from various people that some think it could be ADD/ADHD, while others think it is behavioral because he is in Karate and he is excellent there. We are seriously at a loss and my dw is obsessed with discussing what the problem is and I am seriously at a loss and sick of hearing about it and it is really affecting our marriage. Are there any tried and true test to diagnose behavioral issues other than filling out a form? Why can he behave appropriately in certain places, but in school, he is another child?
Oh, respecting space game for kids. Take a hoola hoop and have him put it around him. Then . . . try to get in with him. He'll laugh as you clearly don't fit and are in his "space". It illistrates the concept of your space my space. He shouldn't get into someone else's hoola hoop whether it is there or not. Also, we did "robot arms". Stick your arms out and walk like a robot. Ask him to do it. Then tell him he shouldn't get any closer to his friends than robot arms. Then use it as his cue as he gets too close. "robot arms billy" so he steps back.
Hi. I'm going to suggest that you also look into sensory integration disorder. Adhd in young kids is really hard to diagnose due to such variability in them. It shouldn't be diagnosed until the earliest age of 6. But what makes me think that you should go the route of looking into sensory integration disorder is the first thing you said -------- that he is very different in school than he is at home. Hallmark sensory because sensory is worse when a child's system is overwhelmed by their enviroment. Adhd kids usually act very similar at home and are quite hard to manage there as well. Both adhd and sensory integration disorder affects the nervous system and can look very much alike. My son has sensory and does occupational therapy for it. We've had tremendous success with it. No medication, just what they call "heavy work" (which you can google) and behavior modification strategies. Google it and see what you think.
I kind of get what you are saying about your wife. I know before my son was diagnosed I was a nightmare. I was obsessed with worry and trying to figure out what was going on and what it meant for my beloved boy. The words that helped me from my husband was this "he's our kid, we love him and if something turns out to be wrong, we'll get him help." He never had the same anxiety I did and he just calmly reassured me that we'd figure it out and find a way to make it better.
I'll tell ya that if it is adhd, sensory integration disorder or just a kid with an engine that never quits, one thing you can do is take him to do physical activity as much as possible. Take him to an indoor pool and swim. Take him to the park and run, climb, jump, slide, roll, skip, swing, etc. and do it as often as possible. Play wresting games with him (he'll love it and if his nervous system is in overdrive, it will have an after affect of calm). Take him to a trampoline and get him jumping or just put a mattress on the floor. These things will slow a nervous system down.
good luck. I know it is hard. And stay united with your wife even if she is driving you nuts. Her worry is because she is a good mom and you picked her in part as you wanted a good mom for your kids, right? She's doing her job. I wish you both well.
I kind of get what you are saying about your wife. I know before my son was diagnosed I was a nightmare. I was obsessed with worry and trying to figure out what was going on and what it meant for my beloved boy. The words that helped me from my husband was this "he's our kid, we love him and if something turns out to be wrong, we'll get him help." He never had the same anxiety I did and he just calmly reassured me that we'd figure it out and find a way to make it better.
I'll tell ya that if it is adhd, sensory integration disorder or just a kid with an engine that never quits, one thing you can do is take him to do physical activity as much as possible. Take him to an indoor pool and swim. Take him to the park and run, climb, jump, slide, roll, skip, swing, etc. and do it as often as possible. Play wresting games with him (he'll love it and if his nervous system is in overdrive, it will have an after affect of calm). Take him to a trampoline and get him jumping or just put a mattress on the floor. These things will slow a nervous system down.
good luck. I know it is hard. And stay united with your wife even if she is driving you nuts. Her worry is because she is a good mom and you picked her in part as you wanted a good mom for your kids, right? She's doing her job. I wish you both well.
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Children with ADD/ADHD often do remarkably well with stuff like Karate, and it's typically recommended as a "therapeutic" thing you can do with a child with that diagnosis. Military schools and other settings similar to Karate with very very clear rules and structure are also good places for kids with ADD to thrive.
There aren't any litmus tests for ADD, and kids with it tend to do very well during the testing anyway, as one on one interactions with a tester tend to bring out the very best in these children. The diagnoses are made by anecdotal stories by parents, teachers, counselors, etc., that give a clear picture of how the child functions.
My best advise to you is to let her do what she needs to do with him - any kind of assessments, treatments, etc., and kind of "give" this to her to manage.
From her perspective, this is consuming her with worry and from her perspective it probably seems you don't even care. Or anyway, that's often the marriage dynamic for parents of children with any disability - one parent is consumed with it, and one parent tries to ignore it so they come off as not caring, and that causes horrible friction for each partner.
I think your wife needs to get into a support group for other moms who have the need to talk about this exhaustively - even an online group would be great. How about the ADD forum on this website? She'd be in very supportive company.