4 year old toilet regression

[concerned_dad2]

My wife and I have two beautiful daughters, age 6 & 4 1/2.  They are both healthy and unremarkable in regards to social, physical and emotional development.  Their kindergarten and preschool teachers have never given them anything but normal developmental reports come parent-teacher conferences.  Recently, however, my 41/2 year old daughter has been showing signs of potty training regression.  She has been potty trained for almost a year and a half now, and my wife and I are running out of ideas, and we are VERY, VERY (did I say very?) frustrated.  Last summer we were able to send her to day camp and she never had any problems whatsoever.

There have been no changes in her preschool schedule, no tensions at home between any family members (other than the typical sibling rivalries).  There have been no discernable stresses that we overtly see that would be causing this behavior.  Whenever we are about to go anywhere, the bathroom comes first.  The supermarket, school, the playground, it doesn't make a difference whether she went an hour ago or 30 minutes ago.  We encourage her to at least try before we leave the house.  Last night there we awoke to a child will urinated saturated pajamas at 5:00AM in the morning.  She is normally fine in the evenings.  She will frequently wake herself up in the middle of the night to successfully go to the bathroom without any problems and go right back to bed.  But then on 4 different occasions today, she wet herself in her clothes.  Each time today (unfortunately each one was with less and less patience) we asked her why she didn't use the potty.  She just asnswered "I don't know".  She has not complained about any burning upon urination so I do not think there is any urinary tract infection.  I don't know what bothers me more, the fact that I don't know how to help her, or the fact that I don't think she's listening to what we're saying to her, time and time again.  She can defintely get preoccupied when she's working on a "project" of hers, such as coloring or playing a game, and I understand that it is normal to have regression accidents when she is learning new life skills.  Today she was "one-for-five", in baseball speak.  My wife and I need some coaching...PLEASE!!!!!

- Eric

[RockRose]

First,  I think she does need to be checked for a urinary tract infection.

Secondly,  some kids don't know when they have to use the bathroom and aren't really "potty trained" at this age - that is,  if not told to go to the bathroom or scheduled,  they miss.  Stepparentia touched on this when describing her household - that the 3 year old has to be told to go every two hours.  

That shouldn't be happening in a child who is aware of their body functions - they should feel the need to go,  and go.   Can you imagine sitting there with a full bladder being unaware?  Some children just don't develop this until much later.

I really suspect,  dad,  that your daughter is like that.  I think you need to talk to her specifically about that - does she know by physical feeling that her bladder is full?  At any point,  does she know it's about 1/2 way full,  empty,  or very full?  

I have a friend with a five year old boy - and it came out in conversation that he never knew how much urine was going to come out when he urinated - he really never knew by feeling if his bladder was full or not,  he'd just start to pee and then he'd learn how much there was.

At least that's a starting point - best wishes!

[stepparentla]

Make sure no drinks before bed at least 30 mins.and make sure she goes to the toilet before bed.  Sometimes our 3 1/2 yr old will do this if she doesn't go enough during the day.  You can't wait for them to say they need to go.  You have to go take them.  The father just realized this recently.... he usually just lets our daughter say when she has to go and it will be hours and hours.  I try to bring her at least every 2.  They were used to wetting diapers all the time and getting changed every two hours as a baby.  It's all about routine if there are no underlying problems. :)

[sarasejb]

My 4 year old seems to do the same thing, but I have noticed it is mostly when she has been around other children who weren't potty trained at all or who weren't "as well" potty trained.  It gets really frustrating, I know my little girl was completely trained at 18months, and the accidents just started.  Maybe there are some kids in her class who she has seen have accidents and she just naturally thinks about them being the same age.  My girl gives me the same answer and it is because they are pre-occupied, and think of it as a chore or a job that isnt as fun as playing.  Make it a little more fun by hanging a poster board in your bathroom and everytime she goes to the bathroom she can put a star on it,  all kids love putting stickers on things and it will be a fun rewarding experience for her.  My daughter would go or try to go every 30 min just to get to put another sticker on her board.