Problems at school

[fudge6]

We are having problems with my 5 1/2 year old at school. Academically he is keeping up with all the other children and is very bright but socially he appears to be having problems. Every week we are getting reports that he has hit another child. He has got a very short fuse and if he doesn't agree with something then he loses his temper very quickly. We are told by his teachers that he often refuses to do his work. We have actually wondered whether he is finding some of it boring as if he is engaged in something he enjoys he is fine but if its something that holds little interest then it is hard to get him to respond. He has always been a difficult child as he had frequent temper tantrums up to the age of 3-4 years and he has always been bossy, especially to other children. He has trouble in large groups and doesn't like to sit still for very long. Is this normal for his age?

[fudge6]

Hi, Thanks for your comments, it's good to know we're not alone in this as sometimes it feels that way! Thanks for your comments CharmieB. We do a similar sort of thing with our son at home and it seems to work at home. The problem really is at school, I guess probably because he hasn't as much 1 on 1 attention and the teachers haven't as much time. It's nice to know that we appear to be on the right track at home (i.e trying to get him to control his temper with counting to 10 etc.)
Thanks LRM1021 your son sounds so like my son I'm feeling that he may have mild ADHD too as we have been thinking that might be the case. As we seem to have a handle on it at home I also don't really want to have to use medication but maybe if we get a diagnosise then the school may be more willing to help us. Did you go to your doctor first? Not sure where to start!

[CharmieB]

My husband and I are dealing with our 5-1/2 year-old daughter behaving the same way.  After getting a few calls from her teacher and school counsler I decided to enroll in a "Common Sense Parenting Class."  Most of the information has helped a great deal.  With our daughter, the root of all her "misbehaving" is her temper.  We are working on ways for her to control her temper and to calm down when she gets upset.  I tell her what she can do and have her repeat it to me when she is not upset.  She can ask an adult for help, count to 10 quietly in her head, take a break, take a few deep breaths...  This does not work overnight, but if you stick with it you will see results.  We also have a rewards system.  If she is good, we let her pick a piece of paper out of our green bucket.  We sat down with her and wrote out rewards on pieces of paper, so she knows what they are and even helped pick out good rewards.  We also have a red bucket that are negative consequences.  She helped with these as well.  If she throws fits she gets a red piece of paper.  Another thing is being specific and brief when talking to your child about their behavior.  Saying "throw a fit" is too vague for a child.  I actually explain exactly what a fit is.  Then I tell her how I want her to handle it and give her a good and bad consequence.  Hope this helps!  You can look up "Common Sense Parenting"  online.  It is from the Boys Town.  ( I believe it is Boys and Girls Town now.)   Good Luck!

[LRM1021]

I suggest that you discuss this with your son's pediatrician. His behavior does not sound extreme, but it does warrant some attention. You may want to get him evaluated by a psychologist as well. Either one of these professionals can give you guidance on what type of behavior plan/ treatment will work for your son.

Your son sounds a bit like my son. Just to let you know, my son did stop hitting the other children. The first half of kindergarten, he was having incidents every day. THis year - first grade-- this is not a problem. He is also fine academically-- then and now. However, his behavior in first grade -- talking too much, being just a little bit more unwilling to stop doing interesting things, being a bit more strong willed, a bit quick with his temper  was just enough outside of the boundaries of normal for us to get him evaluated and he was diagnosed with mild ADHD. We are doing behavior modification with him, that has some positive effects. His case is not too severe, and it does not hamper him academically at all, so none of his drs think medication is required at this time. But I am glad that we know what is going on with him, so that we can target specific behaviors for him to work on, and we are seeing improvement.