Step-daughter obsessed with her father

[mishl9]

I am engaged to a man with 4 children(we've been together almost 3 years) from a previous marriage, I myself have one.  He has joint custody of his, so we have his children only every other week.  His 10 year old daughter seems to have developed a very strange obsession with him about 7 months ago.  It all started with her crying one day in July on a boat, when the kids were taking turns going up in the captians chair.  After her turn she came back to find one of the other kids in her "spot". She asked for her spot back, but her dad stopped her and said "honey, you've been sitting next to me the whole time, let one of the other kids have a turn" Well that was the beginning of the end.  She started crying and said that I never have to take turns, and he explained to her that i'm his fiance and an adult and he can't make me take turns.  After that I begin to sit by him less.  In September it was our anniverary and his birthday in the same week we had his kids.  When we told her we were going out with some friends the night of his birthday, she threw a huge temper tantrum and was screaming and crying and telling him he's not allowed.  He has to spend his whole birthday with her, he's not allowed to leave!  AHHH! On our anniversary I made the kids dinner early and then made a special candlelit dinner for us (so we didn't have to leave the house twice in one week)  when he got home from taking his daughter to Gymnastics.  Well, she had a fit.  She was sitting on the couch staring at us while we ate, so asked to to go play with the other kids.  She of course began sobbing and said she didn't get to see him enough that day and there was only an hour to her bed time. So of course I was no longer was in the celebrating mood and left.  these are a few specific example but it's a daily struggle with her.  She needs to be around him constantly.  In general she...follows him everywhere around the house to the point of walking into the bathroom with him(of course he tells her to get out).  If he's not home she needs to know exactly what he's doing and when he'll be home.  She has to sit by him ALL the time and gets very jealous if the other kids or I are siting next to him.  She then usually squeezes her way in and if she can't asks to sit on his lap, which he usually says no to.  She'll ask the other children if they can go do something else so she can sit by him.  He usually works from home on the week their home, but if he has a side job...she goes of course.  He has repremanded her many times for acting like she is his mother, and does often tell "honey, I love you but I need some space" but the she doesn't seem to be getting any better. I love her very much and she loves me to death too and tells her dad she would be really sad if we didn't get married(she dislike her step father on the other hand).  I just think this behavior is birazze and a little frustrating for me and him.  My fiance is an awesome father and is very strict but always very loving.  All my fiance's kids have always prefered thier dad over their mom which I always thought was unusual.  When his ex-wife first left him and the kids he actually had full custody of the kids and he had just started his own business so he was with the kids 24-7.  He told me never once left them with a babysitter that first year and I think they must have gotten used to always having daddy there, she was only 4 at the time. Has anyone ever heard of this happening? Sorry my question is sooo long but I just wanted to make sure you understood the whole situation.  

[Theres12345]

It's called Mini-Wife Syndrome.

[bet105]

Take the girl, RUN DO NOT WALK to the nearest mental health provider!

[bet105]

Sounds like molestation to me ladies, Better look at those WONDERFUL MEN. Do bother to ask how I know. Just take my word for it. The child is not wanting affection, she is seeking to protect others!

[Huggybear24]

Honestly the first thing I thought of is she being molested . When parents separate it's not uncommon for a child to cling to one or the other. However she should be adjusting over time also with her clinging to dad more I would sooner think that something isn't write with step-dad . If she's being sexually abused from step dad this is her only way to try and regain and or express her emotions by latching onto dad. One dad abuses her so she naturally expects the other to protect her and by clinging ( so to speak) this is her protection without saying what's going on . I urge you to talk to her biological dad and the two of you talk to her. This will not be easy for her and will take time . I can tell you with in the first minute of reading this and her behavior the only thought that came to mind is she was being sexually abused .

[libralady84]

What you've described sounds normal and healthy compared to what others in this thread have described.

Girls missing their father who they don't see regularly is normal, of course, however, obsessive, extremely jealous behaviours and clear issues with boundaries is a big red flag. A child should be able to, and even desire to go off and play with other children and/or by themselves away from their parent(s). It's a normal part of development. A lot of the descriptions here don't sound like that.

[specialmom]

Yeah, sounds like you have different styles and ideas of how it should be.  Ugh,  it's hard figuring that out sometimes but saves us heartache in the end.  good luck and peace

[cyclone6661]

I have the same problem going on but mine is even worse. My boyfriend, (who is 49 and his daughter who will be 10) is the same way in return. He buys into and even pushes the attention she gives to him. She always comes first, no matter what, plans get cancelled because something is up with her, happens to be valentines day is her birthday so I dont get any time with him whatsoever. We were supposed to see eachother tonight but its the father/daughter dance. I have been with him 2 years. Finally started interacting with the daughter 6 omnths ago and we do get along but when we all watch tv together she is all over him and I am lucky to get the hand holding, and god forbid she sees him touch me, there she is with the please love me hug, and what bothers me most is that he adores this. HELP!

[Joy1a]

I believe its not going to get better, so break up with him