Sudden Aggression at Daycare???

[ConcernedMomof3kids]

I need some advice about my 4 year old daughter. Here recently she has started exhibiting some very seriously concerning behaviors that have never happened before. I know that my child is very strong willed but so am I so at home I do not see these issues dealing with aggression but here recently my daughter was fired from her daycare (which was an in-home daycare) because of aggression issues. According to the provider she began fighting with the other children and the other children have told their parents that they don't want to go when she is there. My daughter is normally not the aggressor but if another child does something to her she will retaliate. I am concerned because she has never exhibited aggressive behaviors like this before and all of her other daycare providers loved her and said that she was a great kid. We have had some major changes in our family and I don't know if that is the cause of this. The first change is we moved to a different city because my husband is military and he moved his duty station. We had been in Texas her whole life and moved to Washington where I placed her in daycare, the first daycare had no issues but jacked up their prices so I could no longer afford them, the second daycare is the one saying she is exhibiting aggressive behaviors. For the first month and a half it was just her and I, then about 3 weeks ago my husband got here. The other huge change is the fact that my other children (2 boys) are with their bio-father this summer and this is the first time she has been away from them for this long in her whole life. I am not sure if it is one of the things I mentioned above or all of them but I don't want her to get kicked out of another daycare. Also, I have notice a slight change in how she is handling things at home as well, she isn't aggressive but anything that happens is a tragedy now, it used to be if she tripped on something she would get up and act like nothing is wrong but now if she trips she cries and gets very upset. If anyone has suggestions on how to help her or has experienced this please let me know. I have looked at the forums and it seems this is more common with boys her age. Thank you in advance.

[Sandman2]

   It may be that she really does miss her brothers and the time spent with them.  If so things should change when they return.
   The other thought is that kids really don't know how to express anger or sadness, etc.  Thus when they do get those feelings that can act out inappropriately.   There are several great sets of books "the way I feel" aimed at the 4 to 7 year old child.  They are meant to be read aloud (many times).  And then to practice what the books teach.  A good start might be "When I feel angry".  It can be found here - http://www.amazon.com/When-Feel-Angry-Way-Books/dp/0807588970/ref=pd_sim_b_5
   And if you scroll down, you can find several more appropriate books (like, the "way I feel" or "when I miss you") that would also be worth getting.
    Hope this helps.

[ConcernedMomof3kids]

No she is at daycare because I am working....I would never put my child in daycare if I was SAH because I would miss them too much. We already have some one-on-one at home because of my boys. Both of my boys are special needs (one ADHD and the other Autism) and I have been working since she was born because I was still in the Army at the time, also my husband is her stepfather (her bio-father is non-existent pretty much), and I was a single parent for a period of time so that's why this is rather alarming. I would have expected this behavior during the diagnosis of ADHD with my younger son or when I was working as a single parent going to school, not now because I graduated about 6 months ago and I have focused all of my time on the kids since that ended. There really hasn't been any change the last couple of weeks other than her questioning of when my sons will return being pretty insistent. Like I said before this is completely out of character for her which is why I am concerned how this could develop so rapidly, and considering her brother's special needs I am very concerned that something is wrong medically but I don't want to jump the gun.

[ConcernedMomof3kids]

Yes her daddy does play with her and she has latched on to him since he has gotten here. The odd thing is that the daycare provider said that she only "acts out" when there are more than just a couple of kids there. We both spend a great deal of time with her and our only "alone" time is when she is in bed. Her sleep schedule is still adjusting because there is a two hour time difference between the two states.....heck I am still adjusting. I just found it rather peculiar because we started at this in home daycare when the lady first opened and its just been the last 2 weeks that she has been having problems. It is very uncharacteristic of her at all because she hasn't behaved this way ever.

[AnnieBrooke]

Is she in daycare because you are working?  If you are at home, possibly you could reduce the number of her hours at daycare and let her stay at home with you, for some one-on-one time with you alone.

[margypops]

When her daddy was away she got all the attention now he is back perhaps she shares you with him and also her other 'bro's are away , yes I do think that there is a connection.Does her Dad play with her, read to her, does he pay her attention .., could be she feels left out between you both and in fact is acting out.Focus on her positive side and praise her when you see her doing something right ....good luck