Aa
Too Much into Electronics:( :( plz plz help :(
Dear Dr Kevin,
My 11yrs old brother has speech delay (due to Oxygen-brain matter since birth) has refused different schools because he didn't enjoy them. But, he's speech sessions with specialists.
The problem now,
He's toooo much into electronics; laptops, IPods, IPads, Smart phones... in the early morning, he'd search for laptop to play games and seach the net (the doesn't know what to type.. just randomly!)
But he enjoys certain stuff like children songs, shows..etc
How can we stop him?? 24 hours non-stop using the laptop..his eyes and whole body'll be affected..If we try to switch laptop off he'll shout, fuss, pull our hair:(
Thanks alot Dr
Seeking for advice:(
My 11yrs old brother has speech delay (due to Oxygen-brain matter since birth) has refused different schools because he didn't enjoy them. But, he's speech sessions with specialists.
The problem now,
He's toooo much into electronics; laptops, IPods, IPads, Smart phones... in the early morning, he'd search for laptop to play games and seach the net (the doesn't know what to type.. just randomly!)
But he enjoys certain stuff like children songs, shows..etc
How can we stop him?? 24 hours non-stop using the laptop..his eyes and whole body'll be affected..If we try to switch laptop off he'll shout, fuss, pull our hair:(
Thanks alot Dr
Seeking for advice:(
A big thank you again,
Yes, we're checking again private schools & while doing that, we're trying to find more edu games. I sat with my brother & showed him Nintendo games:) THANKS
Yes, we're checking again private schools & while doing that, we're trying to find more edu games. I sat with my brother & showed him Nintendo games:) THANKS
Thanks alot,
You're right, he is bored & that's why he's with
laptops the entire day..he may go to the toilet, or to the kitcgen if feels hungry, but back again to the laptop...
He doesn't read, just tries to immitate us when reading(making sounds) and uses his fingers to point at words...He likes books & sories..he likes to be told stories.. Sometimes, he grabs any story and says something like: 'I .. this' meaning ,plz read me this story.
Yes, it's too bad that he refuses schools. Once, we found out that the teacher moved him to sit at the corner of the class alone coloring, separated from other kids..though he's so friendly..& he was like(plz don't leave me alone.. wanna go home)
.. Any way we moved to different school.. Nice staff and they celebrated his birthday party in school.. He liked it alot.. But after couble of weeks he refused to go back :( :( ' He shouts...No No
Well, psychologists & specialists are difficult to reach here & waiting list is long!!! 'm afraid he gets worse:( :(
You're right, he is bored & that's why he's with
laptops the entire day..he may go to the toilet, or to the kitcgen if feels hungry, but back again to the laptop...
He doesn't read, just tries to immitate us when reading(making sounds) and uses his fingers to point at words...He likes books & sories..he likes to be told stories.. Sometimes, he grabs any story and says something like: 'I .. this' meaning ,plz read me this story.
Yes, it's too bad that he refuses schools. Once, we found out that the teacher moved him to sit at the corner of the class alone coloring, separated from other kids..though he's so friendly..& he was like(plz don't leave me alone.. wanna go home)
.. Any way we moved to different school.. Nice staff and they celebrated his birthday party in school.. He liked it alot.. But after couble of weeks he refused to go back :( :( ' He shouts...No No
Well, psychologists & specialists are difficult to reach here & waiting list is long!!! 'm afraid he gets worse:( :(
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ok, so it sounds like he is at home the entire day. This is a huge mistake for many reasons. Secondly, what does he do at home the entire day? I would think that the main reason he uses the computers is that he is bored and has nothing else to do. It is one thing to have a six year old playing with blocks or watching TV. That does not work for an 11 year old.
The worst thing is that he is not getting the help that he needs to make him better. The computer is really just a small part of the problem. I would certainly make sure that at least part of his time is with educational things on the computer. Tell him he can not play until he does a certain amount of time of educational things. Make the time involved about 20 min or less for the educational stuff. And keep track of what he is doing.
You never said if he can read or not. Actually, you have not said much except that he is special need child; less concentration span with speech delay. That could be anything from a child with ADHD to a child with cognitive problems. And there is a good chance that you don't know what his problem is - not your fault.
What I can tell you is this. The computer stuff is probably because he is bored. His family really needs to find out what he is capable of or what his problem really is. You cannot help him, if you don't know what the problem is. He needs to get out of the house into some kind of an educational setting. The fact the he may not want to go is too bad. That is like saying I don't want to take an anti-biotic cause it tastes bad.
I can give you good sites on things like ADD, ADHD, Sensory Integration Disorder if you think any of those common child hood problems might be his problem.
I might add that if you cannot get him into school soon, then you need to pay someone to come in and home school him. This will set up a routine and break his dependency on electronics.
Finally, this is a really tough situation. I know I don't know all that is going on here. And I really don't know what it is about the schools that bother him. Lots of kids would rather stay home and play instead of going to school - is that what he is doing?
Anyway, this is a situation that has to change. It will only get worse and worse as he gets older. Good luck. Let me know if there is any other information that I might be able to help you with.
The worst thing is that he is not getting the help that he needs to make him better. The computer is really just a small part of the problem. I would certainly make sure that at least part of his time is with educational things on the computer. Tell him he can not play until he does a certain amount of time of educational things. Make the time involved about 20 min or less for the educational stuff. And keep track of what he is doing.
You never said if he can read or not. Actually, you have not said much except that he is special need child; less concentration span with speech delay. That could be anything from a child with ADHD to a child with cognitive problems. And there is a good chance that you don't know what his problem is - not your fault.
What I can tell you is this. The computer stuff is probably because he is bored. His family really needs to find out what he is capable of or what his problem really is. You cannot help him, if you don't know what the problem is. He needs to get out of the house into some kind of an educational setting. The fact the he may not want to go is too bad. That is like saying I don't want to take an anti-biotic cause it tastes bad.
I can give you good sites on things like ADD, ADHD, Sensory Integration Disorder if you think any of those common child hood problems might be his problem.
I might add that if you cannot get him into school soon, then you need to pay someone to come in and home school him. This will set up a routine and break his dependency on electronics.
Finally, this is a really tough situation. I know I don't know all that is going on here. And I really don't know what it is about the schools that bother him. Lots of kids would rather stay home and play instead of going to school - is that what he is doing?
Anyway, this is a situation that has to change. It will only get worse and worse as he gets older. Good luck. Let me know if there is any other information that I might be able to help you with.
Thanks alot adgal & Sandman2
I really appreciate your discussions and support..
Well, he's not in any school now:(
He refused schools.. He used to go, and he stayed in each school about a month & no more!
Actually, he's a special need child; less concentration span with speech delay... Doesn't understand how long he should be using a laptop .. When we try to explain fir him, he gets angry & shouts: No No...!! Sometimes (rarely) he gets tired after long hours & shut it down..
Appointments are so far with soecialists and takes time:( That's why I'm seeking for ideas..Plz
No, We r not from the US..
I really appreciate your discussions and support..
Well, he's not in any school now:(
He refused schools.. He used to go, and he stayed in each school about a month & no more!
Actually, he's a special need child; less concentration span with speech delay... Doesn't understand how long he should be using a laptop .. When we try to explain fir him, he gets angry & shouts: No No...!! Sometimes (rarely) he gets tired after long hours & shut it down..
Appointments are so far with soecialists and takes time:( That's why I'm seeking for ideas..Plz
No, We r not from the US..
COMMUNITY LEADER
Adgal is correct. If he is doing this to you at 11, think what will be happening when he is 14!
One problem - or the major problem - is that we don't know much about him. Dealing with a childs behavior also depends on knowing what the child is capable of. You said he is speech delayed, but are there other problems? Is he at normal reading levels? In fact, and more importantly, is he is school? You said, "has refused different schools because he didn't enjoy them.' Kids don't normally get that choice! Is he being home schooled and is that why he is on the computer all day long? Or is it only when he comes home from school?
So the major question is - is he at a school during the day. All else follows after that. Actually, it is also important to know if you are in the US, and if not - what country.
One problem - or the major problem - is that we don't know much about him. Dealing with a childs behavior also depends on knowing what the child is capable of. You said he is speech delayed, but are there other problems? Is he at normal reading levels? In fact, and more importantly, is he is school? You said, "has refused different schools because he didn't enjoy them.' Kids don't normally get that choice! Is he being home schooled and is that why he is on the computer all day long? Or is it only when he comes home from school?
So the major question is - is he at a school during the day. All else follows after that. Actually, it is also important to know if you are in the US, and if not - what country.
Honestly, he is manipulating you all. He has learned that threatening to harm himself gets him what he wants. If you think he seriously would kill himself, then he needs a great deal of help and should be hospitalized.
You all need to teach him boundaries and appropriate behavior. I know he has some extra challenges in his life, but personally, I think the worst thing you could do for him is to allow him to get away with everything because of that. In the real world, you cannot just threaten to kill yourself when you do not get your way. Your parents need to set rules and boundaries and not give in to threats and manipulation. It is not doing him any favors, and is only reinforcing the behavior. Perhaps they could set time limits...ie" an hour in the evening for computer or games, something like that. It is never good to teach a child that they can do whatever they want without consequences, and that negative behavior gets them what they want.
You all need to teach him boundaries and appropriate behavior. I know he has some extra challenges in his life, but personally, I think the worst thing you could do for him is to allow him to get away with everything because of that. In the real world, you cannot just threaten to kill yourself when you do not get your way. Your parents need to set rules and boundaries and not give in to threats and manipulation. It is not doing him any favors, and is only reinforcing the behavior. Perhaps they could set time limits...ie" an hour in the evening for computer or games, something like that. It is never good to teach a child that they can do whatever they want without consequences, and that negative behavior gets them what they want.
Yes we take him to play outside, he enjoys playing with others soooo friendly... Enjoys bowlling and riding horses... We do take to play
But at home things are different,,,, and can't hide electronics for ever .. We need them...
Thanks for answering,
Waiting for your discussions(I need them)
But at home things are different,,,, and can't hide electronics for ever .. We need them...
Thanks for answering,
Waiting for your discussions(I need them)
Thanks alot for replying,
Actually, we tried it, we tried to remove all laptops, and tried to hide them.. But seems as if he can't live without them.. First, he'd scream, kick us to give him the laptop..at the end, he wins...
That's why we bought him his own IPod..he loves it, take care of it but that didn't solve the problem yet..
If sees us busy with a lpotop for project or surfing the net or printing out, he won't leave us alone..never:( till he gets it:( he wins everytime!!!
If not given the laptop, he goes upstairs and threaten us to throw himself from there, or go ouside to the street( cars ets).. ee run after him..and day ok come and have it..
I know that's TOTALLY WRONG...but couldn't do anything else:( we love him & he LOVES to be given pictures of new smart phones, he loves to watch youtube; the latest IPhone vedios....etc
But ho can we help him have a balance:(
Actually, we tried it, we tried to remove all laptops, and tried to hide them.. But seems as if he can't live without them.. First, he'd scream, kick us to give him the laptop..at the end, he wins...
That's why we bought him his own IPod..he loves it, take care of it but that didn't solve the problem yet..
If sees us busy with a lpotop for project or surfing the net or printing out, he won't leave us alone..never:( till he gets it:( he wins everytime!!!
If not given the laptop, he goes upstairs and threaten us to throw himself from there, or go ouside to the street( cars ets).. ee run after him..and day ok come and have it..
I know that's TOTALLY WRONG...but couldn't do anything else:( we love him & he LOVES to be given pictures of new smart phones, he loves to watch youtube; the latest IPhone vedios....etc
But ho can we help him have a balance:(
His parents just need to remove them. Just last week I learned a lot about the effect of electronics like video games, IPads, etc. on children's brains. It's not good. Neorologists and most Child Physcologists say no. It seems they believe it can actually alter the developing brain and stunt growth and ability to learn. Not good. We won't allow our child (3) to touch any of this stuff at this point. And as they grow older, it should be limited. But your parents have to put their foot down and say no.
His parents should remove them and give him them back for so many hours ..they unplug or remove and give him them back, its your parents whop have allowed it so now they have to take back control and only allow so long, does he go outrside and have exercise ..?
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It really is too bad about the schools. I would think that if the teachers and the other kids were aware he was a special needs child that he would be treated much better. And it is not unusual for a child to not want to go to school. If your family has checked out the school, informed the school about his needs, visited the school and seen how they work with kids like him - Then you take him to school. Perhaps start out on a shortened day. Ask the school what to do when he shouts NO, they should have experience with that and listen to them. You may have to visit several schools. Certainly check out private schools.
While you are doing this check out educational games for the computer. There should be ones for learning letters and counting - thats at least a starting point. Also look into Nintendo WII games system. There are a lot of movement games that are very good. He needs that. The also have educational games. Check out this link - http://www.nintendo.com/games/gameGuide?system=wii&purchase=retail
Hope this helps.