My 3 year old grandson

[Beingablessing]

My 3 year old grandson is the light of our lives but has a distinct change in behavior when around other children or adults.  Therefore, the fact that he is the most precious enjoyable child has been a well hidden secret.  The little boy others see is totally different from the one we know.  

He has a brother that is one and becomes aggressive toward him not to mention other children.  His biggest problem is just tackling another child.  He doesn’t bite or spit or seem evil when he is aggressively punching.  However, it is understandably earning him a negative reputation.  We don’t know what to do.  It makes us nervous to leave him in a daycare or Sunday School room without one of us there.  

His mom and dad apply constant discipline.  The poor child lives in time-out.  Swats are applied as needed.  My daughter becomes exhausted while her husband is at work trying to protect the little one from him.  I will go get him to give her a break and the little guy could not be more well behaved the minute I isolate him from his brother.  

Please note he loves his brother as well.  There are plenty of precious moments of hugs and kisses and taking turns with the ball.  But for some reason, out of the blue he will have an aggressive moment.  We are not comfortable leaving him around other children unsupervised by one of us.

I will also say his social interaction seems to collate with his sleep.
He can play with other children or act adorable around other adults when he got his nap in .  But getting him to nap enough has been an issue in itself.

He is such a darling child.  But at this point no one believes us. What can we do different?

[angelmomtyler]

I donèt know what to suggest, because I am in the EXACT same situation, it is almost as If i was writing...lol just wanted to let oyu know oyu are not alone!

[LRM1021]

You know, for some children, 3 is just too young to build out social skills. Some children can, and some can't. For day care, any chance of moving him to a sitters house or place where there are fewer children, so he does not have to navigate this arena until he is older? Of course, he has to live with his brother, but does he HAVE to play with him? Can he just be left alone to play for most of the time?

Also-- I totally get the sleep thing-- not enough sleep, can't control himself. Gets enough sleep, big difference.  I got one of those myself!

If you really believe that he has some impaired social skills-- then I suggest talking to his dr about a referral to a specialist who could evaluate him and give your daughter some suggestions for encouraging positive social interactions and discouraging negative social interactions.

Also, this is just my opinion-- but trying to teach a child not to be physically agressive by using physical punishment is generally ineffective.  I'm not a anti-spanking nut, per se-- but I have found that children who have aggression problems are not effectively disciplined in this manner-- hitting is their "problem," so its not really working to use it as a "solution."