Where is the line drawn for kicking a child out of daycare?

[Mandee775]

I am a daycare/preschool teacher. I teach 3 and 4 year olds. I have one child in my class who does pretty good during the day but when she acts out (won't follow instructions, repeatedly does the same thing over and over, won't stay quiet at nap time) and is told to stop or is sat in time out is just completely defiant. She tells me "NO!" and kicks and screams. If she is told to be quiet (especially at nap time) she will just look at me and keep saying words (random words) loudly. If she is told to lay down on her mat she will keep getting up and readjusting her blanket and pillow. She refuses to take a nap. She says "I can't close my eyes" or "I don't know how to take a nap."

Her mother doesn't seem to care a terrible amount. When the director talked to her about it, she basically said "Well she is only three years old." She brought in a bigger blanket and a pillow and a bear for her to lay down with, but it doesn't help her lay still or stay quiet. She fights sleep like nothing I have ever seen before. And has woken my other kids up multiple times, and i can't them to go back to sleep because she doesn't stop being loud.

For getting her to go to sleep i have tried white noise for music, I've tried patting her back, rubbing her back, holding her hand, laying next to her, I've tried letting her watch baby videos from my phone that are supposed to put children to sleep and make them sleepy. I've tried positive reinforcements such as offering a prize if she took a nap. I've tried everything i can think of, she does not seem to care. After that i tried just giving her a quiet activity like reading a book or matching games. But she talks to herself the whole time she does it (and she doesn't talk quietly). When i ask her to keep her voice down or zip her lips, she does it for about a maximum of two minutes.

She just started last week at our daycare. I don't want her mother to be upset when she comes in to pick her up and her note that goes home says she is misbehaving everyday during nap. But its becoming unmanageable. I plan activites/games/lessons during nap time and i can get anything done when i'm constantly reminding her to be still or lay quiet or not to talk.

If you're a parent of a child, whats the best way for you to communicate with your childs teacher? If you're a daycare provider, what would you suggest?

Is any of this means for asking a child to leave the daycare?


This discussion is related to Behavior Problems - Daycare.

[adgal]

I didn't look at it that way, but well put.  I agree 100% with you (what else is new..lol)

[specialmom]

I have a slightly different take on this.  Not every situation or 'program' is a good match for every child and this does not sound like a good match for this little girl.  She would do better in a more personalized program that took into account the differences in children and their energy levels.  

If I were her mother, I'd WANT to know that this isn't a good fit because I wouldn't want my child to feel like they were 'misbehaving' for not being tired and wanting to be AWAKE during the day.  My boys DID nap and have quiet time during the day because it suited their personalities.   If it didn't, I'd not FORCE them and feel they were being bad for being too awake to take a nap.

This is not a developmental delay or anything like that as the issue is ONLY at nap time.  This is  a case in which what you provide doesn't meet the needs of this child or her family.  She's not a bad little girl because she doesn't give you your planning break----  she just doesn't get what she needs during the day nor do you.  It isn't a good fit.  Her mom may want to find a situation better suited to the energy level of her child.  I would.  good luck

[skepticalpeach]

Short answer, NO, that is not a reason to kick a child out of day care. Trouble during nap time is incredibly frequent for small children. My DD stopped taking a nap when she turned 3. It's gotta be so hard to sit still for 2-3 hours when you aren't sleepy! My DD went to a school where they fought with her so much about sleeping. They actually tried to pin her down and make her sleep. Well, predictably, she kicked the teacher in the face. She got kicked out of the school for that. Later I found out they were locking children in the bathroom when they wouldn't nap and hitting them. My DD couldn't tell me about this because she is nonverbal.

At her new school we had some trouble at nap time. Now she has a weighted blanket and a special pillow for at school. She a problem regulating her senses and craves deep pressure. The weighted blanket helps her rest. She doesn't sleep, but she will lay down and "read" a book. At one point we did consider getting her a small dvd player for her cot so she would stop running around, but it never came to that.

Has this child been assessed by the school district? Do you have a school social worker that could help come up with some ideas for nap time? There's got to be a solution to this problem. The only reason to give a young child a 2 weeks notice is if they are violent. If they are biting, hitting, or scratching repeatedly. Other than that there are very few reasons to kick out a child from preschool.

[adgal]

I kinda thought about this a bit more.  I can tell you that if the only reason my son was being removed from a daycare was because he refused to nap, I would be pretty angry.  Now, if he was acting out, etc. during different times, that I would seriously address.  But not for just refusing to nap and reacting to someone trying to force him to.  Maybe others will feel differently, but that's my opinion. I can only imagine how tough your job is, and I have a great deal of respect for people that work with children, I just can't agree with this particular issue being a "removable offense".  

[adgal]

Well, at 3 and 4 many children no longer nap.  My son is 2 and naps some days but not necessarily every day anymore.  And there is no way he will just lie still for an hour while the others nap. There are a couple of non nappers, or inconsistent nappers in his group.  What my daycare does is send them up to the older kids group for an hour, and they participate in story time there, or whatever else is going on.  It works well.  It's pretty tough to expect very young children to just stay quiet, especially if they are typically very active kids.  If nap time is the only time she is misbehaving, I would be looking for an alternative solution.  The one at my daycare seems to work very well.

The kids that are asked to be removed from our daycare are the ones that can hurt other kids.  So kids that bite, hit, kick, etc.  That is unacceptable, and if a parent is unwilling to work with the daycare on solutions, then the child is removed.  So I think it comes down to safety and well being of all children type issues.

[margypops]

Children of 3 year old very often do not need to sleep during the day , is it possible for her to not lay down but go somewhere and read or draw ? How long is nap time , children who are not tired will find it hard to be still .