abusing problem

[hiba686]

hi my son is six and half ,intelligent ,loving boy.but he has this serious problem of abusing.he does every single time i  talk to him .he abuses when angry.i have tried reasoning ,scolding ,promising n buying him gifts ,even hitting him a few times.but he does'nt stop.now he has started on other family members too.even on our friends who frequently come over.i feel to have no control ,no say in this matter please help .anxiously waiting for response

[kay2486]

if you cant control your son then he will need to see a specialist to sort out the problem and they will find out why he is abusing

have you tried punishing him by sending him to his room the rest of the day with no toys and no tele or computer?

i would try that, ifyou have no luck take him to a proffessional

[specialmom]

Hi, I am gathering from abusing you are talking about talking back, getting angry, yelling and throwing a tantrum?  

Some kids (and some adults . . .) have trouble handling their emotions and anger/frustration are some of the hardest to deal with.  What you can possibly try is to start teaching him how to handle things better.

I'd go to the library and check out books on emotions.  They make all sorts of books for kids on emotions that put things in words that kids can understand and use to describe how they are feeling.  It is important for kids to understand what is happening to them.  My sons described a bad mood as a storm cloud and a meltdown of anger as a tornado for a long time.  Work with him on using his words appropriately when he is angry/frustrated.

You don't really say specifically what he does, but I'd look for triggers that precede it.  Does something set him off?  Start tracking it.  

I'd role play with him.  Act out something that makes you upset . . . like can't finding the car keys.  You then start to boil up mad (do this in an exagerated way as he will think it is funny) and then stop, calm yourself and resolve the problem in a good way.  Offer up alternatives to yelling, hitting, etc.  He can go to a calm down spot, count to 10, blow in and and out, use his words, or open and close his fists tightly.  

I'd buy or check out of the library the book "love and logic".  This is an excellent book all about natural consequences for children.  If you throw a toy, you lose a toy.  If you fight over a toy, the toy goes in time out.  If you yell, no one addresses you until you stop yelling.  "SOS for Parents" by Lynn Clarke goes through the time out process and is a great resource for getting a handle on discipline for a 6 year old.  I have rules and I remain consistent and calm at all times.  If I escalate, they do.  So stay calm.  

Lastly, with boys in particular but all kids, they need lots of outlets for their energy.  They need to run, jump, climb, skip and roll every day.  Increasing his physical activity could have a direct benefit to his behavior.  I have two sons, one with sensory integration disorder, a developmental delay and one without.  Physical activity and staying busy are key to their listening and being calmer.  

Also reward systems are good at 6.  A spare coin to put in a piggy bank when he does the right thing will motivate him.  Cheer him on whenever he does the right thing even if it is something he should do anyway.  He may like that praise and start seeking it.  

good luck!!