behavior problems

[Lynn7301159]

My son is 4. He will turn 5 in September. I am very concerned because he is having major anger outbursts lately. He recently finished preschool and is now not attending for the summer. His schedule was very rigid before June. Now, he basically has no schedule. Anger outbursts include screaming, spitting, hitting objects, throwing things, and very recently, hitting people (including me). I would have called these outbursts tantrums before this summer. Now, they seem a little more intense than a tantrum. I'm wondering if the lack of schedule could possibly be affecting his mood/behavior. He typically has an outburs when something doesn't go his way; such as having to stop playing a game so he can come to eat supper, having to stop watching tv to go run errands, having to leave his friends when it's time to go home, etc. I have tried time outs, taking privileges, sending him to his room for an extended cool down time... none of these seem to be helping very much. I am concerned that he will be starting school in the fall. I do not want these behaviors to happen at school. Right now, he does not care where he is when he has an outburst: public places or at home. It does not bother him. I would really like some advice as to how to proceed. Is it time for me to seek a doctor's help?

[specialmom]

Hi.  I agree with Sandman's thoughts.  Good news----------- he did fine in preschool!!  Most kids that have a disorder or a delay will have difficulty in the school enviroment starting with preschool.  (Have a son with sensory integration disorder and it showed itself big time in preschool!).  So really, you should feel good about this.  Accentuate the positive and doing well in school is great.

So it sounds like first that your son needs more routine and structure at home.  Set home up like they do at school----------  you do specific things at certain times of the day.  You can still do this and do it in a relaxed way.  We read from X time to X time and when that time rolls around---------- you anounce---- "oh, it is time to do our reading".  (or whatever is alotted for that space).

Also from  your description----------- well, game playing (video or computer) and tv watching maybe is leaving him bored and cranky.  I'd try to get him to parks and pools and out and about every day.  My kids really need that to stay maintained in the behavior department.  They have too much energy and if they sit for too long---------  they get to the point of being ready to blow.

Your boy also sounds like he needs a transitional warning.  Most kids shows run on half hour increments.  AT 5 minutes before the show is over-------- say, we are turning off the tv when this program is over.  Or if you have to go and can't wait for that--------- 5 minute warnings, then when it is 1 minute and then go.  

I'd also consider waiting until next year to start kindergarten.  You want him to be as emotionally mature as possible for his kindergarten experience and he will be in class with kids almost a full year older than him.  Yes, there will be some kids his age as well, but you will find him to be quite young compared to the other kids.  I have one entering kindergarten this year and one going into first grade next year--------- and just my experience, but that extra year can really help a child have a better experience.

I stumbled upon a new book I love "love and logic for toddlers".  There is also just "love and logic".  These books are about natural consequences for kids.  Throw a toy, lose a toy.  throw a fit, we leave wherever we are at.  ETc.

And I'd go to the library and check out books on emotions for your boy and get him talking and using the words these books have in them for kids.  Kid language for how they are feeling is really important to teach.  One book that would be good for your boy "hands are not for hitting".  
good luck

[Sandman2]

  Outbursts for kids of his age are common.  You ignore them, do short timeouts, and repeat.  Try and be very consistent.  
  It sounds like he did not have these outbursts at preschool?  If so the structure was important.  I'm guessing that the lack of a schedule is a big thing.  He starts doing something he likes and it gets interrupted.    If he did not have the outbursts at preschool, it probably will not be a problem at kindergarten.  But one thought, he is young for kindergarten at 5.  A lot of school districts are turning back to making Sept. as the cut off date.  There is a bill in the Calif. legislature to do so now.  I would think seriously about holding him back one more year.  There is a very good chance he will be the youngest kid in his class all the way through high school and college.  That can have a major effect on him!
   Based on what you have said, I don't think you need a doctors help.  But if you do go - don't use your pediatrician.  Go to a child psychologist or child psychiatrist.
    One other thing to keep in mind is that experts say that it takes almost 3 weeks to change a childs behavior.  That is if you are doing consistent, immediate reinforcement.  If you are not consistent or are changing up the punishments - it will take a lot longer and may not work at all.
   And yes, he will not care about where he has his outbursts because he has learned what works for him.  Give him about 5 min notice (definitely not 30 min) about a change.  When he goes nuts - do an immediate timeout.  When he comes out, simply say, " you know if you had just come to dinner, you would not of had a time out."  And then consistently repeat.  He will get the message, but it won't happen overnight.  Good luck.