best friend needs help

[808mommy]

  My friend's one year old son cries when he is around her.  She said that from the moment she puts him in the car till he goes to bed he cries. She said that he wakes up crying every night and she can't comfort him.  He is fine at daycare, and her mom's house.  I think that maybe he feels the tention in the relationship between her and his dad. Dad won't help at all with anything.  I mentioned this to her today reluctantly because I know she feels bad.  She says that she is getting to the point that she can't stand to be around him.  I also feel that she doesn't spend enough time with him, she is young and likes to go out drinking so they take D to the in-laws, (sometimes I think I think that because I'm jealous, my husband and I barely go anywhere without our 2 year old, not by choice. Dinner alone at a restaurant would be nice. but that's our problem, back to C). It's not just that but without her husbands help she has the entire weight of the household on her shoulders, he does nothing, and yes she works fulltime as well. Keeping her home takes time away from D as well, I told her not to worry about the house and whether or not J gets a hot meal to put some of that time towards bonding with D. but I don't want my advice to cause more friction for her. please any advice I can get to help C, I love my friend and she is in such turmoil.

[808mommy]

  My husband and I discussed C today and he feels that I should tell her what I think about always doing things that are not kid friendly.  I was troubled when last year she said they got a canoe so they could go camping and canoeing over the weekends. And today she said they were buying Jet skis, I just feel that with all the time spent away working, when there is time they should spend it together as a family. I don't know how to say it without hurting her feelings, my husband says she needs to hear it. She knows I'm known for sometimes brutal honesty, but, motherhood even for me seems like crossing the line. Keep in mind that I just want to help her not hurt her.  As for myself I do prefer doing things with my children. I have a 14yr. old and a 2 year old both boys. I find that when I do something without them I feel guilty, and have high levels of anxiety. I enjoy my boys and try to create happy memories. I want hem to get all the love and support they'll need from home.  

[RockRose]

I think you are very intuitive,  808Mommy.  Your friend is signaling to him,  very clearly,  that she can't stand to be around him.  She really would prefer to be out drinking.  

It really sounds like she doesn't want to be a mother and wife,  and he doesn't want to be a husband and dad,  and left in the middle is this poor child who is happy at daycare and at his grandma's house and behaves very well in both those places.

Could grandma get custody of him,  and leave her to her work and going out,  and leave him to work and sleeping on the couch?

Someday,  808,  you'll look back on this time very fondly and be glad you barely went anywhere without your sweet baby,  even though that's not your choice.