How do I help my 4 year old cope with his fear?

[sbrulet]

My 4 year old is afraid of alot of things but the extreme reactions he has worry me. Haircuts are probably the worst. He isn't afraid of the scissors or the clippers, it's having the hair on him. Sets him over the edge. Screaming, crying, vomiting, flailing. He wears the cape thing but if hair touches his face, he freaks and haircut is over. We've been to the places with the car chairs and the movies and games at least 5 times and they have never been able to finish his hair, so I just do it myself which is horrible for both of us. Another thing that sets him off is hand dryers in public bathrooms. I understand he's afraid but the extreme reaction he has just can't be normal. He also does not adjust to a new environment well which worries me as he will start Kindergarten next year. Will they just let him scream, vomit and cry all day? That's what he's done in other things we've tried (gym child care, sunday school, etc.) How can I help him through the fear reaction and make it less extreme?

[specialmom]

Once you google sensory integration disorder, let me know what you think.  Sensory can be present in anyone on the autism spectrum or add/adhd but can be a disorder all on its own.  You describe some classic signs of sensory integration disorder.  We do a lot at home that really helps our son and I'd be happy to offer some suggestions!

[Gina04]

I recommend a developmental specialist.  The can check for various learning and developmental disabilities.  This would include things like autism spectrum disorders (not just classic autism), sensory integration disorder, etc.  Once you can pinpoint the cause, it makes it easier to know how to handle the situation.

[specialmom]

Well, I'd start by googling sensory integration disorder as I suspect that is what is going on here.  This involves the nervous system and how the brain processes things.  My son acts like you are killing him to comb his hair as well and hair cuts aren't the funnest.  He has sensory integration disorder and what they call "tactile defensiveness".  He also has trouble with things like birthday parties, crowded things, the circus, etc.  His system becomes overwhelmed and he has something called a "fight or flight response".  I think your child's response to too much input into his nervous system is to cry and scream.  School will indeed be difficult for him if his sensory issues are not addressed.  It was preschool that caused us to take action.

An occupational therapist evaluates for sensory integration or sometimes called processing disorder.  They then treat for it.  Medication does not work and therapy has to do with physical activity (they call it "heavy work" but it is all fun to kids------- typically they LOVE it), behavior modification things, something called "brushing and joint compressions"  (did that and many tactile things completely went away for my boy in about 6 weeks!), and exposure.  We've had tremendous success with occupational therapy.  My boy is now 6.5 (diagnosed at 4) and doing really well.  

There are many many things you can do at home.  Google sensory integration disorder and see what you think.  I can offer suggestions of things you can do at home to help him if you are interested.  I was so upset when I learned my son had sensory . . . but now know that you can really help a child cope if this is the problem.  Keep your faith . . . your a good mom for wanting to help your kid!