hysterical four year old

[NINA0437]

I have a four year old girl.  She is really smart, listens and follows directions most of the time.  I don't think she is too out of the ordinary as far as her behavior.  She just gets really hystarical almost once a day.  It is usually over the littlest thing.  Like if her socks don't go on right the first time, or if she things just don't go her way.  She will sit and cry and scream for such a long time.  Then I sit there and try to scream over her to tell her to calm down and stop crying.  She just says, " I want to listen, I want to stop crying, but I can't!"  What do I do when she does this???  I have tried walking away, she just follows and kicks at the door.  I try ignoring her until she is calm, but she rarely calms down.  She gets so worked up she is shaking, and hurts her throat.  I feel so bad when this happens, so helpless, and frustrated too.  You cannot punish her for being frustrated, but how can I help her to calm down, or get her to listen and understand she has control of herself, not me??

[NINA0437]

Thank you!  That is a good idea.  I will try to role play and let you know how it worked.  We have told her many times to come ask for help, or call us for help instead of freaking out.  She forgets I guess.  I will definately try the hug too next time.
Thanks again!

[specialmom]

You could make it a point to exagerate the scenario yourself ----  put your socks on in front of her and have it go wrong.  Then in an exagerated way, act out frustration appropriately.  "oh rats!!  I need to put my socks on and they aren't going on.  Let me take a deep breath and try again.  or I could ask for help.  Let's see.  Oh yes,  there my socks are on now!"  Something like that.  You model and role play the situations for her and give her alternative responses and ways to handle when she is frustrated.

If she blows, can you see it happening right before hand.  If so, jump in and don't let it go there.  

Also, talking to her about asking for help instead of getting upset could alleviate some of it.

If she gets mad when she doesn't get her way, again working on how she can vent anger and frustration is good and giving her words instead of tears and all will help.

I think I'd either ignore the behavior when she does have a tantrum or try hugging her during it.  Good luck.