Need some advice about afather who has never been around!!!

[needhelp_23]

Hi! First of all I want to apologize in advance because this is gonna be kinda long but I feel like I have to explain everything so you all can see where I'm coming from.  I have a 5 year old son. I had him at a young age (18 yrs old) and when his father found out I was pregnant he decided he wanted to be with another girl.  Throughout my pregnancy I had complications so much so that I ended up having my son 2 and 1/2 months premature. He weighed only 2.1 lbs and had to stay in the hospital for 2 months. While in the hospital he stopped breathing many times all this was incredibly hard for me.  All the while that my son was in the hospital my sons father knew he was born and that he was sick but never made an attemt to see him.  When he was 2 years old his father tried to come pick him up out of the blue and of course I refused. He never tried to pick him after that. My son is now 5 years old and though I have tried to fill the position of both mother and father I can't help but feel like he needs a father.  I live with my mom, dad, and 3 sisters. My dad is a truck driver and is hardly ever home so basically he lives with all girls.  I have recently put him in football because I feel like he needs to be around other boys but I have noticed that he gets really attached to the other boys' father.  The other day my son told me that he wants a father and he even asked for a guy that I used to date. I was shocked I didn't know what to say I knew eventually this would happen I just didn't think it would happen so soon. My friend tells me that I should make an attempt to find his father but I really don't know what to do. I dont ask him for anything not money or anything else even though people have tried telling me that i should go for child support.  But I think that if I bother him with money that he will bother me and try to see my son. Am I wrong for thinking this way? And its not even about the money I am doing fine without him and my son doesn't need anything so should I attempt to find him? what should I tell my son the next time he tells me he wants a father? This breaks my heart completely to hear my son ask me these things!!! I desperatly need some advice!! Please help I'd really appreciate it!!

[margypops]

It is good for all children to have both parents in their life where possible,his Dad made an effort the see his son once, perhaps for your boys sake you could find him and see how thing, It is up to you , in the interest of the child I think it would be great for him to have his Dad around and get to play sports and Games and go visiting. If you know where he is you could pay a visit and see what he is like now before you tell your son, Good Luck, it is good you are considering it and have seen your Boy would like a Dad around.

[Sally44]

I don't know what to advise about his father.  Would he be a bad influence.  Is he the kind of guy that you just don't want hanging around?  Is it at all possible that he could have a good relationship with his son regardless of how you both feel about eachother? I think either way you are going to have to explain things to your son in simple terms.  Your son may resent you for not allowing him to see his dad.  You will have to explain that if he does see him that his dad may be totally unreliable and may continually break plans etc.
Aside from his dad, have you tried getting him involved in things like scouts where it is all boys and men together?  Other activities that are very good for a broad age range of males are things like rock climbing.  Are there any other family members eg. brothers in law, grandads etc that he can spend some time with?

[alwaystheblame]

if it were me i would not bother the father cause do you really want him to bounce in an out of  your sons life that would be alot worse they make a book although i cannot remember the name of it about families and how they are different some have mom and dads some have grandparent some have foster parents etc.... right now is a great opportunity to teach him to cope just do not lie to him be completely truthful with him he will understand