my 5 yr old is having some problems please help me figure it out

[kelly4459]

my 5 yr old has started kindergarden this year and is having a very hard time with emotional problems not bad behavor but he crys about stuff like if he can not figure something out he thinks he has to be perfect every thing has to go his way or he crys. at home he thinks he has to be first at everything has a hard time sharing stuff very emotional at home too.he shows more of the temper at home not at school . the teacher says he crys at school and don't ask for help when he needs it he will just get upset and cry. something is wrong and i don't know what to do please help.

[kelly4459]

thanks so much for your advise he is my only son and i was just worried is it something iam doing is there really something wrong with him i just didn't know i will deffiantly try your ideas. thanks so much

[specialmom]

Hi,  oh the kindergarten woes!  It is a tough time for many 5 year olds and a huge transition for them.

What comes to mind first is your son's need to be perfect.  This is tough and my son can be a little like that too.  If he screws up a coloring page he gets mad.  What we've done is try to make an atmosphere where perfection isn't perfect.  We kind of act something out that doesn't go our way in an exagerated way and use language our son could use too.  My kids watch my husband and I do this with great interest and if we make it a little funny, even better.  This models the behavior he could have when things aren't his way or not perfect.  I'd also make sure that no one in the house is encouraging perfectionist behavior----  a super competative parent or sibling, or a perfectionist parent.  We play games and things at home and it has to be okay for everyone to win at some point.  When my son is upset because in his mind, something doesn't look perfect----  we try to talk about how it doesn't always have to be.  Squelching the perfectionism while keeping the self motivation is good.  Perfectionism as an adult often leads to low self esteem as no one can ever be perfect and your goal is always out of reach.  It's tough.  So it is good to work on this now.  You could google for more ideas or ask his teacher/school couselor (a great resource).  The above has worked pretty well for my son thus far as we are seeing less of it.

The other issue is controling  his emotions.  Emotional maturity comes with time.  He's just a little immature in this area.  Being sensative isn't a bad thing overall, but you want him to cope better.  Again, giving him language when he is feeling upset is important.  You can check out books about this at the library (kids books that describe how someone might be feeling with kid words and illustrations) and tell your own stories.  I think having a special cool off/calm down spot is good for kids too.  They can go there and shed a few tears and compose themselves.  My son's kindergarten teacher has a special spot in her room for the kids and we've had one at home per an occupational therapists suggestion.  

Lastly, he could have some anxiety issues.  Since he does better at school than at home----  I would say for now, just keep your eye on it and if behavior or issues worsen then speak to your doctor.  Good luck.