my daughter is not communicating with other children

[tarns1971]

my daughter is 4 and a half and at kinder. However she will not talk to her classmates.She will only talk to her teachers.I am a stay at home mum who has always been with her , but she has been to kinder for the last 3 years, occassional care and playdates.. She also does gymnastics. She is around children at least4 to 5 times aweek but only converses with the adults... What can I do to help her ??? She says they are boring?

[jdtm]

tams1971 - Your daughter suffers from selective mutism - an anxiety disorder.  

The best site on the ihternet is "selectivemutism.org" which I suggest you first read the FAQ's.  There is a lot of help on this site - then please see your daughter's pediatrician for advice.  If he/she is unable to help you, then ask for a referral to a medical specialist with experience in anxiety disorders.  One caveat - if your daughter is sufering from anxiety, I assure you that she will not outgrow it nor will it go away; but the earlier the diagnosis, the better the prognosis.  If anxiety is the issue, then the only way to solve this issue is to "lessen the anxiety" and for this, you will require help.  I wish you the best ...

[tarns1971]

thankyou for your feed back , I will endevor to try all these suggestions and let you know what happens.regards tarns1971

[Marin600]

If your daughter's mainly been with adults, and especially if she's mature for her age, she probably does see her peers as boring---but even the boring assessment is the expression of an older person, not someone 4 1/2.  She could be hanging back from the other children because she fears they won't react to her favorably, and since she's not had experience with that type of situation, better to avoid it!  Get her involved in story books that show the joys that come from comeraderie with others.  There are loads of books geared for that age that demonstrate how to talk to people and make friends.  Don't make an issue of it.  Team sports and team projects should make her more receptive to interacting with others her age.  Is there a child in her age range new to the community or your church or gymnastics?  Invite that child and that child's family to a cookout and build, all together, a sandbox, or board game, or playhouse.  If I'm doing something, and I need you to help, or the project can't be completed, I'll have to ask you............Or, maybe a bunch of group games in your yard with other children that require team work:  passing a lifesaver from one to another on a toothpick or coffee stirrer, gunny sack races, relay races, tricycle races, passing an orange from chin to chin without dropping---you get the idea.  If your daughter is intellectually gifted, maybe she needs to be with children more suited to her abilities than to her age group.  Nurture group endeavors, but don't worry about it, because then she'll worry about it.  We ache for fear our children will have their feelings hurt, as we remember slights from our school years, but they can't sally forth until we let go.  Do, however, nip any superior attitude in the bud.  Kids detest being around a know-it-all or someone who acts like they're better than the rest of the class.  She can actually be "heads and shoulders" above the other kids in every respect; she just can't be permitted to act like it.  Arrogance and impatience with others never wins friends.  A scouting group, because of both its indivual and team pursuits, might be good for her as soon as she's old enough.  Try not to worry about it, since she's so very young.  Best wishes, and keep us posted.