Why does he behave like this? What should we do?

[frogmelter]

My sister is a single parent raising three children 6yrs, 7yrs and 9 yrs.  Her 9yrs old boy  has never been diagnosed with any disorder.  Over the past 12 or so months, he has been exhibiting very aggressive behaviour.  He goes into rages, when he doesn't get his way or over any tiny thing. He screams and shouts, throws and break things and will hit out at her and deliberately distroys or damages anything belonging to anyone. He  frequently calls himself and others a "stupid idiot".  He has also stated he wishes he was dead.  He defies most adults including his teachers.    Everything with him is a battle, from sunrise to sundown. He will refuse to take baths at night, refuse to brush his teeth.  It takes hours to get him started on homework at night. He does little things that he knows will annoy others and it has gotten to the point that no one wants to be around him.  My sister lives near to my mother and when things are particullarily bad she will call her for back up (As late as midnight) .  His father is not very active in his life and he  constantly says he "hates his Dad".   My sister is an exceptional parent who is very loving, caring and patient .  Even though she is single, she provides him with anything he has ever asked for and he certainly doesn't miss out on anything. He is surrounded by love, but he has become so angry.  He seems to be angry 90% of the time.  When he is being a "Good Boy" he is very loving and helpful and is very particular in anything he does (Everything has it's place and must be kept in order). She is at the end of her tether and needs some help, please can anyone give her some advice as to what she should do next.


This discussion is related to 9 year old aggressive, angry, defiant.

[margypops]

I ahd an after thought does your sister argue back with him instead of not feeding into it ,as she could have got into a "power" struggle of wills, best to not yell back and walk away letting him get on with it,go quiet and firm and in charge ,, set bounderies and if he misbehaves tell him NO TV No PC No Games till he is quiet.IFocus on his positive side and praise him when she sees him doing something right.

[margypops]

Definatly get his Dad more involved with him thats probably some of what he is missing,as he says he hates him is a clue.ask your sister to contact him for better visits.Has he been like this since the other siblings wre born as he could have jealousy issues and feel left out,how does he behave at school if it is the same and the Teacher has issues with him maybe a counselor would be rght but if he is okay and good at school the problem is in the home.Has your sister talked to him and asked if he is upset by anything maybe some input would be good on why he is upset.