spitting

[mimi1956]

My 4 year old grandson keeps getting in trouble at school for spitting on other children.  He doesn't hit and is not a mean child.  His parents are having problems at home and this just started a couple of weeks ago and has just gotten worse.  They have paddled him and put him in his room without computer or t.v.  He went a week and now today he did it again after his dad explained to him before he dropped him off at school not to spit and have a good day at school.  He wants to keep him from coming to our house this weekend (we have him every Saturday night.  We are both very positive role models to him and he very seldom needs discipling when he is with us.  We leave for the beach next month and my son has told him that if he spits at school again he will not be aloud to go with us.  I dont think that should be counted as discipline as this is our yearly vacation with the grand children.

[margypops]

and check out that no other older child around him isnt spitting ...children do copy and older children love to teach them to do stuff like this ...check out friends and family...anyone he plays alone with ...

[RockRose]

He needs immediate punishment,  not something so far away as a vacation in a month.

The minute he does it,  he needs to be removed and a parent needs to come pick him up and it won't be fun.  

Four year olds really don't get delayed punishment at all - it's too abstract.

I think it would be cruel to keep him from family time for something as minor - and fixable - as spitting.

[myenzoorka]

Disciplining a child does include taking away vacations.  A child will think he can get away with anything if the big fun things aren't taken away during punishment.  I understand you don't want to be punished too, but that's part of the process.  It would be best if you support their decision rather than undermine it.  Sorry, but children need to understand the consequences of their actions.

p.s. - you say he's not a mean child and doesn't hit - but the spitting may be just a warm-up, so to speak, for hitting.  To a 4 year old, spitting does not justify getting hit in return.  All it will do is encourage him to use physical behavior to try to change other people's behavior.  I think at this point, you should worry more about what the "paddling" will do to him rather than worry about him missing a vacation to the beach.