Aa
stealing food
I have a 7 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. They are generally well behaved, good in school etc. The problem we are having is they constantly steal food- goodies, I mean, not like making a sandwich in the middle of the night. They eat well and often and we have regularly scheduled meals and snacks throughout the day. I am passionate about nutrition and we eat very healthily (is that a word, sorry), but they do get cookies, gum, and other marginal food- I'm not a food Nazi, as long as they eat their meals I'm fine with the occasional not so great snacks... we have removed as much as possible to minimize temptation, but there are still snacks in the pantry meant to go in their lunches, or for example candy we bought to give out for Halloween this week- at their ages, there is just no place they cannot access short of locking cupboards which I am against on principal- we are family!! Am I kidding myself that they should be able to break out of this habit? It's very upsetting to me and I definitely overreact when I find the evidence, I am just so continually shocked that they keep stealing even knowing that it sends mommy over the edge, let alone that I really believe they do understand that it's wrong. They don't steal anything else from anyone else. I feel sure that this is pretty common behaviour in this age range but don't know how to react properly or guide them toward abandoning it. Any help would be ever so appreciated!!!!
I am impressed with and thankful for the longevity of this thread. Our 12-year-old son has been stealing and hoarding food for years. After finding an empty Nutella jar and empty box of fruit snacks between his mattresses tonight, and then blowing my top, it’s comforting to see I’m not alone. Thanks to all the contributors.
Admittedly, before having children, I always gave advice, judged parents, made assumptions, and said in a whisper, “If that were MY kid, …” And I probably would still say it if all my kids were typical kids. Sometimes, you don’t know what you don’t know, and unless you know, you should say nothing.
…Now, I have THAT kid. And love him to pieces, by the way. But I often feel like I am being punished for the “advice” I used to give and judgement I would cast.
For those who post the common-sense solutions, I can assure stealing and hoarding food is NOT a common-sense sort of problem. It is NOT about what food is in the house, how strict you are, sugar cravings, inadequate supplies of foods, restricting food, etc., etc.
It IS a very real, seemingly unusual, bank-breaking, unfair, problematic behavior. And the root cause can be from an array of issues that may or may not be known.
Our son came to us at 9 months old and had already suffered multiple forms of abuse, neglect, and abandonment. We have learned through much education and constant research that our son HONESTLY has no idea why he steals and binges on food. When we talk with him about it, he seems regretful and says that he can’t stop himself when he has the urge to steal food. And it is NOT because he’s hungry or has cravings. He knows that it’s wrong. And now, if confronted, he will fess up (we’ve made progress!). I believe the behavior has alot to do with needing to feel in control. He has PTSD and ADHD, both of which likely contribute… insecurities, unconscious fears, impulsivity, etc. I also think he may experience the typical desire to test to see what he can get away with and/or the thrill of getting away with something (but I hope not). He has a defiant personality, so that could be contributing. Honestly, parents, you may never know the cause.
We have tried everything, and I mean everything. The only thing that works is locking stuff up. And, we keep our eyes on him as much as possible (he is incredibly sneaky). We have cameras around food areas, and a motion detector for evenings. At times, he still figures out how to get food, but it is much less frequent.
I know these measures are extreme, but they are the only things that have worked for us. People judge us, but we’re over caring what people think. The expense of it all has more than paid for itself now that our grocery bill is manageable again.
The bottom line - our son is not starving, and he has ready access to any food he wants at any time other than sleep time (we are otherwise with him, and he can have anything he asks for). He helps make the grocery shopping lists, and he gets anything he wants.
We use our extreme measures hoping that this will eventually pass. He attends therapies, we take steps to help him feel secure, and we provide for him abundantly. As he matures and becomes more emotionally intelligent, I hope he will be able to consider the behaviors more objectively and regain self-control.
It’s a long road, but our children are worth it. Parents, you are doing everything right, so please don’t beat yourself up like I did. Embrace it as an issue that requires unique parenting, do what you have to do to stop the behavior (unless you are withholding food, they aren’t hungry!), and support, support, support them. If needed, get professional help. And know that there will be an end - there has to be, right!?
Admittedly, before having children, I always gave advice, judged parents, made assumptions, and said in a whisper, “If that were MY kid, …” And I probably would still say it if all my kids were typical kids. Sometimes, you don’t know what you don’t know, and unless you know, you should say nothing.
…Now, I have THAT kid. And love him to pieces, by the way. But I often feel like I am being punished for the “advice” I used to give and judgement I would cast.
For those who post the common-sense solutions, I can assure stealing and hoarding food is NOT a common-sense sort of problem. It is NOT about what food is in the house, how strict you are, sugar cravings, inadequate supplies of foods, restricting food, etc., etc.
It IS a very real, seemingly unusual, bank-breaking, unfair, problematic behavior. And the root cause can be from an array of issues that may or may not be known.
Our son came to us at 9 months old and had already suffered multiple forms of abuse, neglect, and abandonment. We have learned through much education and constant research that our son HONESTLY has no idea why he steals and binges on food. When we talk with him about it, he seems regretful and says that he can’t stop himself when he has the urge to steal food. And it is NOT because he’s hungry or has cravings. He knows that it’s wrong. And now, if confronted, he will fess up (we’ve made progress!). I believe the behavior has alot to do with needing to feel in control. He has PTSD and ADHD, both of which likely contribute… insecurities, unconscious fears, impulsivity, etc. I also think he may experience the typical desire to test to see what he can get away with and/or the thrill of getting away with something (but I hope not). He has a defiant personality, so that could be contributing. Honestly, parents, you may never know the cause.
We have tried everything, and I mean everything. The only thing that works is locking stuff up. And, we keep our eyes on him as much as possible (he is incredibly sneaky). We have cameras around food areas, and a motion detector for evenings. At times, he still figures out how to get food, but it is much less frequent.
I know these measures are extreme, but they are the only things that have worked for us. People judge us, but we’re over caring what people think. The expense of it all has more than paid for itself now that our grocery bill is manageable again.
The bottom line - our son is not starving, and he has ready access to any food he wants at any time other than sleep time (we are otherwise with him, and he can have anything he asks for). He helps make the grocery shopping lists, and he gets anything he wants.
We use our extreme measures hoping that this will eventually pass. He attends therapies, we take steps to help him feel secure, and we provide for him abundantly. As he matures and becomes more emotionally intelligent, I hope he will be able to consider the behaviors more objectively and regain self-control.
It’s a long road, but our children are worth it. Parents, you are doing everything right, so please don’t beat yourself up like I did. Embrace it as an issue that requires unique parenting, do what you have to do to stop the behavior (unless you are withholding food, they aren’t hungry!), and support, support, support them. If needed, get professional help. And know that there will be an end - there has to be, right!?
I am 14 and I steal food. I think I have a problem. I can't tell anyone because they think it's for attention or its just an excuse to get out of trouble. It's not. I think I have a problem.
1 Comments
After years on this forum as the Community Leader, I have found that when kids steal food its not for attention or an excuse to get out of trouble. The actually have a medical problem. Sometimes it ADHD medication, sometimes its diabetics or thyroid problems, anxiety, depression, or simply a growing spurt. Point being....ya, you probably have a problem which is not going to get any better till you talk about it with someone. How long has this been going on for you? And do you feel the need for food all day long or just at certain times.
My boyfriend's oldest son..12.. is stealing has been for a year today we bought locks. He doesn't care for punishment. He's stolen his brothers cookies that his brother bought with his own allowance. He sneaks in the middle of the night so we are putting a stop to it. It's not starving. It's enforcing rules. They can do as they please when they aren't under our roofs. Plain and simple. Kids need to learn self control at some point in life.
It sounds like they're hungry. I don't consider taking food out of the kitchen in your own home stealing, I consider it eating. Am I missing something here? Maybe they're associating food with shame because of your extreme reactions to it. Locking the cabinets? There are more important things to worry about, love.
2 Comments
Agreed! How on earth is stealing eating at your house when you are hungry?!
Lotus1015, you obviously lack empathy for someone in which you can't relate. This lady isn't starving her child but trying to teach them morales. Stealing even food is still stealing. I don't have an answer for her, I wish I did but making her feel bad is not the answer. Her responsibility to teach her child to be a good citizen starts now. I wish her the beat.
It's part of an issue with what you're doing!
You think that the kids can be okay having a bag of Halloween candy laying there before their eyes and tempting them all day long, and then you punish them for eating it!? Kids are not adults! Some of them have short term memory especially 5 year olds. As a child I repeatedly got punished for jumping on the bed. And then I always do it again. Because sometimes as a child when you get excited you forget!
As kids we ate all 5+large bags of Halloween candy. All of it. Even the ones we didn't like. It was only after that that my mom realized and had to lock up the Halloween candy every year and distribute them fairly. That worked.
Do you punish them for eating the candy, or do you just get mad? Getting mad won't help. If they see that you just get mad, and eventually you'll feel better later, that is a small price to pay especially if you have no authority.
You need to discipline them. Punish (age appropriate punishments) them because they knew it was wrong but did it anyways. Your discipline has to be consistent or else it will confuse them. If you discipline at one point, but don't at another, they won't know what to do or what really is wrong or not.
And don't make it difficult for them by putting candy in plain site. It's a temptation. They're not trying to push your buttons on purpose, kids just like candy. But they need to know what is right and wrong, and if mommy says no, then it's no. And if they break the rules, then it's obvious they will get punished for it. Very important that kids learn this, as it will protect them from touching the knives or guns or matches, etc.
You think that the kids can be okay having a bag of Halloween candy laying there before their eyes and tempting them all day long, and then you punish them for eating it!? Kids are not adults! Some of them have short term memory especially 5 year olds. As a child I repeatedly got punished for jumping on the bed. And then I always do it again. Because sometimes as a child when you get excited you forget!
As kids we ate all 5+large bags of Halloween candy. All of it. Even the ones we didn't like. It was only after that that my mom realized and had to lock up the Halloween candy every year and distribute them fairly. That worked.
Do you punish them for eating the candy, or do you just get mad? Getting mad won't help. If they see that you just get mad, and eventually you'll feel better later, that is a small price to pay especially if you have no authority.
You need to discipline them. Punish (age appropriate punishments) them because they knew it was wrong but did it anyways. Your discipline has to be consistent or else it will confuse them. If you discipline at one point, but don't at another, they won't know what to do or what really is wrong or not.
And don't make it difficult for them by putting candy in plain site. It's a temptation. They're not trying to push your buttons on purpose, kids just like candy. But they need to know what is right and wrong, and if mommy says no, then it's no. And if they break the rules, then it's obvious they will get punished for it. Very important that kids learn this, as it will protect them from touching the knives or guns or matches, etc.
Are you strict in other things besides food? My friends parents were very strict and the kids used goodies as a way to be in control of something, anything. I'm not saying anything bad about what you're doing, I just know when all else fails you have food that you can decide how to control.
Well,what you can do is probably hide the food around the house in certain areas like maybe on top of the fridge or the laundry room and then tell your child there are no snacks in the house to steal or eat.
Same with my daughter who is now 9. She has been stealing stuff since she could walk into the kitchen and grab. Mostly sweet stuff. She was a tiny girl ,not under weight, but tiny for her age. Until about a year and half or so ago, she went through a growth spurt and still is. She gained almost 5 inched in less than a year and gained about 20 lbs with it. I check her lunch account at school and sometimes I catch her buying 2 entrees, she will eat breakfast at home and then go to school and eat breakfast there. She is hiding "treats" healthy and non at home so she can have access to it when she wants. Just about every day there is some new kind of empty food wrapper stuffed in her room somewhere. We have 3 good hearty meals a day (breakfast at home, lunch at school and then a sit down dinner at home)sometimes she will pick at the dinner. Later I will find her scrounging for junk or something else to eat. Both of my kids get after school snacks to tide them over till dinner. My 14 year old son has snuck a treat here and there but nothing like my daughter. I've read a bunch of post on here but haven't came across a reasonable reason. I really think she has a deficiency in something.
1 Comments
That's a huge growth spurt!!! She may just need those calories to stay full growing so fast.
Amen I worry about my son over eating at his age and everytime he gets jelious or angry he steals at least it seems to be a pattern now. I love my son and get upset easily and I'm pregnant, he stop once he knew I was and started again. I think it's due to his emotions and I give treats and loves and great meals but he wants more when we don't have alot of money. I want to understand really, one of my boys stopped stealing with him because he wanted to please me and make me happy and he's see the difference but my other son does not see it. He steals based on his emotions. I'm worried he does this for attention and I give him plenty but with our newborn coming all three of kids know it will be different. I hope he can learn to harness these emotions.
im so glad you found the post again and replied, im currently going thru all this with my 6y.o daughter. i was reading thru all the comments, finding more and more people going thru the same thing, but not finding any results of how to concur the problem, it was literally today i spoke with my daughters teacher to see if it was normal, or if they had any ideas, the teacher said she would contact a nurse and psychologist to discuss. i know my daughter isnt depraved foods, nor is she granted free rain. we own a bakery, she has never been allowed to help herself, but she has always been given a taste on occasion, just 3 days ago, she had eaten breaky, morning tea and another snack all before lunch, there was no way she could still be hungry, and she stole a piece of cake from work. so im very concerned!
i hope all of the people on here have found they arent alone, or have found any comfort in what anyone else has said. thanks everyone
i hope all of the people on here have found they arent alone, or have found any comfort in what anyone else has said. thanks everyone
I am 14 years old (girl) and my 3 sisters ages 13,13,15 all girls are stealing food. They have no conscious, they don't feel guilty when they get caught. It has gotten so bad, that my mom has locks on all of the cabinets that store food. Even the freezer has a lock on it. And I am the only one out of the kids to use the key. My mom is at her wits end. She is so depressed lately. The thing is I stole to from her when I was younger but stopped a few years ago. Sometimes the temptation comes but I stay strong. My sisters don't care. They say "whatever" and just act like nothing happened. How do I get them to stop? My mom has tried everything. She stopped buying snacks for a while, but then realized it is not fair to me, so she bought some. They just steal that too, and they Lie about it. When they get in trouble it is like I get in trouble. Help me please what do I need to do?
I think it is normal for kids to want sweet food.we are all wired to enjoy sweet food and kids have yet to master self control.hell,even I havent lol....if there are cookies in the house I am not good at staying away from them either :) ...I wonder though if kids who have far above average cravings for sugar and carbs might be prone to anxiety or depression, both of which can cause attempts at self medication.If your child is really going super overboard (like eating whole bags of sugar type thing) then try getting them outside in sunlight every single day for a minimum of an hour.Also, up their intake of protein.Between the natural light and the extra amino acids from the extra protein(may be whey smoothies?) perhaps their body will boost serotonin and the cravings will diminish? its a thought anyways.
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also some form of aerobic activity daily for 20-30 minutes can boost all sorts of brain chemicals and help balance things out
I would be worried your grandchild may have an eating disorder and is actively trying to lose or keep off weight. Please seek medical advice.
I had to install an alarm on my son's door. He only steals at night when we are asleep. I have found this has prevented anymore night time raids in the pantry and the consequent lying that follows (which really angers me). When we hear the alarm, we get up and ask him what he is doing out of his room. He used to try to sneak out of his room a lot when we first installed because he was testing us to see if we would always hear it. No more though. Just have to be sure to change batteries as needed and be sure to turn it on each night AFTER he goes to be so that he cannot disarm it (it is mounted to the outside of the door). Maybe this solution will help some of you.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am not sure what you were reading. I said, " As long as it is healthy food, he should be able to snack on foods. At meal time, he should be eating most of what you eat. Its really a lot about what you have in the house. "
Maybe you were replying to another poster?
And I do agree with you that learning how to self regulate is important. Its the "learning" that is the tough part. Especially if the "teaching" part is not as good as it should be.
Maybe you were replying to another poster?
And I do agree with you that learning how to self regulate is important. Its the "learning" that is the tough part. Especially if the "teaching" part is not as good as it should be.
To hear you say they should eat whatever they want whenever they want is insane. It makes no sense at all. Life is full of rules. We don't get to follow only the ones we like! Further, there are reasonable ways to affect change. I can't imagine any of these moms, saying no to a small serving of something even if the kiddo isn't hungry. I'm sure they'd be happy to include the treat in the following days snack even.
The part every one WITHOUT children experiencing this challenge is missing is that the children are showing no regard for for the rules/laws. Instead of finding a reasonable and acceptable (within that family) way to affect change, they chose instead the self-pleasing way of getting what they want REGARDLESS of the affect on those around them and then show no remorse.
That's the real issue. Learning how to self regulate and live within the law is paramount to a healthy happy adult life! Folks weighing in without some experience with the issue/challenge are just adding to an already tough time f for these people. Keep your opinions to yourself if you're not qualified to share them.
The part every one WITHOUT children experiencing this challenge is missing is that the children are showing no regard for for the rules/laws. Instead of finding a reasonable and acceptable (within that family) way to affect change, they chose instead the self-pleasing way of getting what they want REGARDLESS of the affect on those around them and then show no remorse.
That's the real issue. Learning how to self regulate and live within the law is paramount to a healthy happy adult life! Folks weighing in without some experience with the issue/challenge are just adding to an already tough time f for these people. Keep your opinions to yourself if you're not qualified to share them.
It is not necessarily true that "children that steal food are hungrey, and just need more food". Nothing could be farther from the truth. Stealing and/or hoarding food is often a control issue for children. Yes, some children may just be hungrey.But if your child is being fed adequately and continues to steal food (especially junk food) it could be a good indicator that there is some other underlying issue that needs to be addressed. In some cases stealing and lying can also be signs of a serious mental illness such as, reactive attachment disorder,PTSD,ect.
1 Comments
Yes, I agree. When I was growing up my family made a monthly budget and stocked the house with food for the month except small things like eggs ,milk and bread, other than that no. I wasn't allowed to eat what I want when I want, I was fed well never went hungry. So I don't see the problem with raising our children today the same way. We as parents supply everything and we also supply the mo ey to pay for it as well, so we as parents should have a choice in how much we want to pay for food and set a cut off limit. I don't believe that it should take a thousand dollars a month to feed a family, I feel 500 to 600 should be sufficient and kids should accept that and not gorge all the time. My kids cause me issues because I buy them all kids of their food, plus family foods for meals and they eat theirs and then steal mine, so I feel like I don't get a say in my snacks because if I don't do what they do which is devour it then I just go without. So I have had no other choice than to lock down my cabinets because I'm sorry in reality parents can't eyeball their kids every second of the day to stop them.
What type of medical intervention have you sought? Has the child taken medication?
If a child has had extreme trauma in his early years, it is only natural that this child will needs lots of support.
And if you are suggesting that this is hoarding and psychological eating, then a mental health professional should be on board. Most mental health conditions ARE treatable.
So, to me, a professional approach to such a situation is essential. Rehabilitation to the point of inpatient care may be necessary. good luck
If a child has had extreme trauma in his early years, it is only natural that this child will needs lots of support.
And if you are suggesting that this is hoarding and psychological eating, then a mental health professional should be on board. Most mental health conditions ARE treatable.
So, to me, a professional approach to such a situation is essential. Rehabilitation to the point of inpatient care may be necessary. good luck
Old thread or not, for those of you that have never lived under the same roof with a compulsive eater/hoarder, you come off as sounding VERY judgmental when you call the upset parent a "food Nazi".
We live with such a child, & his stealing has caused our entire household problems. He dampens every special occasion with his behavior, & leaves all of us feeling like prison wardens.
This child endured severe physical & psychological abuse the first 4 years of his 9 year old life. He doesn't just steal "yummy snacks", this child has stolen & eaten everything from cheese, cereal, fruit, corn chips, v8 juice, dry oatmeal, to dry uncooked beans! He will eat literally ANYTHING!!!!! He will eat spoiled food that has been put in the trash! I've had concerns that he's stolen & eaten the pet food! This child, given the opportunity, will eat until he vomits! Not just a little in his mouth, but HUGE PILES of vomit all over his room!
As far as I can see, there is no cure in sight. Sadly, he will undoubtedly wind up EXTREMELY, MORBIDLY, OBESE when he is eventually on his own. Until then, it is my duty as a concerned & responsible parent to monitor his behavior.
And, like someone else mentioned, he KNOWS what he's doing is WRONG (from the sneaking, to the stealing, to the hoarding, to the hiding of the evidence, to the lying), but he LOVES doing it. We have tried numerous consequences, with no positive results. Because of his extreme abuse & neglect, he values NOTHING (except food). You cannot hurt, punish, or love this kid enough...
Best wishes to all of you struggling with this behavior. My heart goes out to you.
We live with such a child, & his stealing has caused our entire household problems. He dampens every special occasion with his behavior, & leaves all of us feeling like prison wardens.
This child endured severe physical & psychological abuse the first 4 years of his 9 year old life. He doesn't just steal "yummy snacks", this child has stolen & eaten everything from cheese, cereal, fruit, corn chips, v8 juice, dry oatmeal, to dry uncooked beans! He will eat literally ANYTHING!!!!! He will eat spoiled food that has been put in the trash! I've had concerns that he's stolen & eaten the pet food! This child, given the opportunity, will eat until he vomits! Not just a little in his mouth, but HUGE PILES of vomit all over his room!
As far as I can see, there is no cure in sight. Sadly, he will undoubtedly wind up EXTREMELY, MORBIDLY, OBESE when he is eventually on his own. Until then, it is my duty as a concerned & responsible parent to monitor his behavior.
And, like someone else mentioned, he KNOWS what he's doing is WRONG (from the sneaking, to the stealing, to the hoarding, to the hiding of the evidence, to the lying), but he LOVES doing it. We have tried numerous consequences, with no positive results. Because of his extreme abuse & neglect, he values NOTHING (except food). You cannot hurt, punish, or love this kid enough...
Best wishes to all of you struggling with this behavior. My heart goes out to you.
It's always so nice to see an update! Hopefully others that find this will be hopeful that their child will also kind of grow out of it as yours did. It's so frustrating as a parent when we see something amiss but just cannot figure it out or find a practical solution.
Best to everyone in this situation, it's a tough one! It's just nice to see that parents are concerned about their child's well being and health!
Best to everyone in this situation, it's a tough one! It's just nice to see that parents are concerned about their child's well being and health!
COMMUNITY LEADER
What a wonderful reply. Its so seldom that we get previous posters to come back on and let us know how things are going. Thank you so much!
I was the original poster of this thread and somehow was never able to find it again- cant believe how many people posted and it's all good, negative judgy posts as well as supportive, practical ones- my kids are now 12 and 10, have mainly grown out of this behavior I guess I'd say. It was a long haul of growth for all of us! i try not to overdo my passion for good nutrition and knowledgable choices, providing a small "goody" in their school snacks & lunches so they wouldn't feel left out or weird next to all the other kids' Cheetos and Hi-C- I was doing the best I could to not be hypocritical because I drink sodas and eat brownies, but I'm an adult- I eat beautiful, nutritious meals and don't always reach for those things when I snack, which my kids WOULD, given their choice, 24/7... It's funny because I grew up in a large, lower income family and we ate crap a lot- I grew up on sugary cereals, KoolAid, pop tarts and a steady supply of wonderful (tasting!) baked goods because Oreos cost too much... And yet as an adult I eat a much more varied and nutritious diet, coach middle school athletes and work out regularly; in other words, I came out of it alright lol It appears that my kids will, too. Still... This was a very hard time for our family and I wish Id seen all of these replies back then, and hope they've been helpful and/or comforting to the many parents who were looking for help! We tried many if the suggestions people did come up with (NO junk in the house, ample acceptable snacks at their disposal, bigger meals, attention to growth cycles, LESS attention on the subject, LOTS of conversation about the many aspects of it, etc etc etc)... In all honesty, I think it just took all of us time to find our way and in the end contributed to better communication and grounding of our family... So anyway. Someone messages me tonight, all these years later, asking for help, and I just wanted to thank everyone for offering your opinions and support. It is a wide subject, with many possible answers, but this thread will definitely help people not feel so bad about themselves as they navigate their kid's (and their own, speaking from experience!) issues. I felt SO ALONE with it... Best regards!
I have the same problem with my 13 yr,we have 5 kids and I think its wrong if I let all 5 get up during the night there would be nothing,u need to put your foot down somewhere its not right,he has plenty during the day extras when hes out, weve got a lock on our pantry to now hes taking from the fridge.
so many people with a similar problem - including my 5 year old girl - eats plenty with the family, has treats in moderation and probably lots outside the house but still stealing food. So what is the solution???????????? I'm really concerned because I do not want my daughter to have food or body issues later.
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