strong will or anxiety

[milkyway72]

My 4 year old has been refusing to go certain places. Sometimes she doesn't want to go to the daycare at my gym.  She pitches a fit if I try to go to the grocery store with her and sometimes the nursing home to visit my grandmother.  Last weekend she was sooo excited about seeing her grandpa.  They had a nice visit at our house but when it was time to go to the restaurant, she refused and her grandpa took her siblings while I stayed home with Bella.  She is very determined in not wanting to go certain places.

Today was Meet the Teacher Day at her preschool.  Bella refused to go into the group meeting in the sanctuary. She said she was scared and I think she really was. She would not go to the classroom at first but then when a lot of kids were leaving she went in to meet the teacher and get her goody bag.

I did not force her to go but I would stand in line and then she would join me.  My 2 older children did not have this fear or strong willingness.  Punishiment for these fits does NOT work.

Any ideas? I appreciate any help!!!

[RockRose]

Does she do better if you're not there,  milkyway?  Sometimes kids exhibit extreme neediness when their mother is there,  but can manage to cope when mom isn't there.  Does she regularly have these episodes if you aren't present?

[jdtm]

strong will or anxiety  --  your words

Anxiety.  I doubt if your child is "refusing" to go certain places; it's just too difficult and "scary" for her.  The standing in line with her was an excellent way for you to help her function at school and yet help to calm her fears.

I might suggest you google the phrase "children and anxiety" or "separation anxiety and children" or "anxiety and school" or similar words/phrases.  There is a difference between separation anxiety disorder and separation anxiety (I suspect you daughter suffers from the latter which is not nearly as severe as the former).  I expect she might need some help adjusting to school and you should be able to find some ideas from googling one or all of the above phrases.  In addition, there are many books that can be purchased on-line or in a bookstore or borrowed from your public library on anxiety issues.  One I might suggest is "Keys to Parenting Your Anxious Child" by Katharina Manassis.  Patience, understanding and education of anxiety will go a long way in helping your daughter.  I wish you the best ...