4 y.o. anger/urinating issues

[Grandmamma]

We have recently taken custody of my 4 year old grandson. He was exposed to drugs and a poor environment most of his life. He has had a hard time adjusting to schedules and living with a family. When he gets angry he has begun urinating on his sister. He also will defecate in and on furniture. He also has begun trying to lick his sister. He shows signs of anger and aggression to our pets, who we will no longer allow him to be around. We are working on getting him appts. for counseling and therapy. He will also show great signs of anger towards correction, rules and authority from any woman. I believe that we might be dealing with O.D.D.  I would like some help suggestions on how to help him in grow and be a healthy young man.

[margypops]

Sounds as if you have a handle on dealing with him pretty well your use of taking privileges away is good . I am wondering if he has some power clashes with his sister , was it she who wanted the coloring book. so maybe check that she is not getting her own way because she is older.,he got upset because he wanted to continue coloring but had to give it up because she wanted it ..He should not have wet over her and I agree that warranted a time out.Get grandad doing some guy things with him,keep him busy and as I say make sure he is not being teased by his older sibling, it does happen . You are doing well, best of luck    

[Grandmamma]

Thank you for your response. His sister is 9. Recently he was coloring and she was using a chalk board. I told them they could switch after a time and he could use chalk. He got very upset, pouted and stomped off. I put him in time out and told him that we share in our home. His sister went in her room and he walked in and said her name, when she turned he peed all over her front. Of course she began yelling and I ran in the room. He said, she fell in water. He was quite calm. I said, no, I can see where the spray hit, did you do this? He finally said yes, cause he wanted to. I explained that it was wrong and unsanitary (in 4 year old). Back in time out. He finally apologized.
Sometimes he has tantrums, where he flails his arms and screams at the top of his lungs. I am not always sure what triggers that. With the dogs and his sister he is sometimes very calm and methodical.
We take toys and privileges from him for discipline. Many times his Grandpa will talk and discipline him as he will tune me right out.  

[margypops]

It great he has you now , I can tell you want to help him, I think this young child could use plenty of love and care which I expect you are giving him, its good he also get some counseling having been through so much. Will he be seeing/ visiting his parents at all ? I think you will have to have the usual time outs and rules in place but make sure you also focus on his positive side and praise him when you see him doing something right . Can you give a scenario of what would anger him and how you deal with it ? How old is his sister how does she behave towards him ?