teenage nephew exposes himself to 4 yr old daughter

[Auntriometz]

I have 3 sisters.  Our families spend a lot of time together. After my youngest sister's wedding, my 4 yr old daughter told me, "did you know that boys pee pees are dry, not wet like girls are."  This floored me.  I carefully questioned her and she elaborated telling me that her 13 yr old cousin had her touch his pee pee and she was surprised it was not wet like hers.

Wow.  I called my sister and discussed the situation.  The only time these 2 have ever been alone was for about 1 minute in the church basement right before the wedding.  I was attending to my sister and my daughter was the flower girl.  She disappeared for a minute and when I called her, she came running from the direction of the boys bathroom.  I noticed that my nephew came out a minute later.  I did not really think anything at the time.

My nephew is having difficulty in other areas.  He seems depressed.  He lies a lot.  He is very manipulative and tries to "negotiate" everything.  

At the time, I suggested he needs therapy.  My daughter was very matter of fact, and I did not push anything with her.  She was potty trained around other boys her age in daycare and bathes with her 2 yr old brother every night.  We have just started the whole privacy and private parts discussion with her, so this was not a "big deal" to her and I did not want to make it one with her by reacting in front of her.  

However, it IS a big deal to me.  I left it in my sister's hands and told her I did not want our children alone together again and she needed to work with her son.

We were just on vacation again and my 4 yr old told me that he exposed himself to her.  I left her with my niece outside on the swingset so I could get a new outfit for her.  When I came back out 5 minutes later, the nephew was alone with my 2 children.  I immediately called them inside with me and my daughter informed me that the nephew had exposed himself to her.  Again, I carefully questioned her and there was no touching.  I had my daughter repeat what she told me to my sister.  

I overheard her telling her son that she had told him never to be alone with her.  
My entire family was on vacation together in the same house.  I did not want to ruin anyone's vacation, so I decided to address it when we were all back in our own homes.  The nephew continued to try to "play" or watch my daughter the rest of the week continuously walking by her.  I had to remove her from his presence several times.

We are all home, and it is time to act.  I am trying to do so with a cool head.  I have 2 young daughters, a young son.  My brother has a young daughter.  My other sister is pregnant with a girl.  I can't stop thinking about it.  My nephew has a 10 yr old sister. I have to do something.  I don't want to ruin his life ( my husband would like to drown him), but I have to protect my family and others.  This is going to devastate our family.  Any suggestions?

[margypops]

It is time to address the issue and this boy will be persistent whilst its not taken seriously by his parents, I dont think you should be with them at any event or gathering until they have fixed the situation, and I think it will be in the form of therapy.Tell your sister to speak to her doctor ..unless the matter is addressed it will continue and he will do this to others whose parents may call in authorities . Your sister need to realise it is serious.and get help meantime tell her no meetings .