uncontrollable fear in my 8 year old son

[loistlane]

My 8 year old son suffers with extreme irrational fear. The topics of fear change about every three months. I first noticed his problem when he was 5 years old and he developed a fear of the police. He would cry uncontrollably when ever he heard a siren or saw a police man in tho street. He thought that they was coming for him. He wouldn't listen to any reasoning. His fears since then have changed so often and when a new fear comes along his last one disappears. He has since feared travelling anywhere regardless of the distance in case we got lost, ran out of petrol or broke down. I have had to physically force him into the car at times because he would resist that much. His most recent fear is swimming although he is an accomplished swimmer he Will not even get into the pool. He just clams up and cries and doesn't listen to anything and if you pursue it he will get physical. When he is in this mind set its like he has no control over his actions. He will cry scream kick punch anything but listen to reason. Please help

[specialmom]

Sorry, I hit submit before I was done.  

I would begin to work on giving him some coping mechanisms.  The time to do this is not when he is upset as you are right, then he is too worked up to think straight.  So, when things are going well-------  bring the topic up.  Talk about how his body feels when he is 'scared' and it sounds almost like he is panicing to a certain extent.  What can he do to help himself feel better?  Ask him this question.  He'll shrug his shoulders, I'm sure.  Then you begin problem solving with him and suggesting things encouraging him to add to it.  The whole time---  speak of how he can make himself feel better so he sees that by learning these things he can do will result in his feeling better.  Things you can suggest------  is that when he feels the fear starting---  he can stop and take some deep breaths.  He can do square breaths (breath in for 4, hold 4, breath out for 4, hold 4, repeat).  That exercise takes a bit of thinking which is distracting and has a direct calming affect on the nervous system.  He can use his words to explain what the fear is and to try to tell you why.  Now, he may not have a why if it is coming from a place of anxiety and panic---- but the goal is to slow the reaction and start the intellectualizing of the situation.  He can open and close his fists firmly which keeps circulation moving and holds panic down.  He can go to a 'safe' place to think and calm himself.  Designate it ahead of time for whereever you go.  Have somewhere at home, have somewhere at the pool, etc.  He goes there for a moment to calm himself.  This is much better than letting the fear take over and melting down right on the spot.  He is taking some control by going to a spot to calm down and think about it.

If you feel anxiety is at play here, I'd talk to a psychologist at some point.  If he starts to have fears that stick, exposure therapy is excellent to overcome it.  good luck

[specialmom]

Hm.  It sounds like he is almost having a 'fight or flight' base level response.  Does he exhibit signs of anxiety elsewhere in his life?  Does he do things like excessively chew on a sleeve or objects?  

I had thought when I first began reading your post that maybe it had to do with his wanting attention and his learning that he will get it this way which can be very motivating.  But he is fighting you and crying which seems a little more than just wanting attention.

That leads me to question whether anxiety is at play here.  Does he have any other things going on that might seem related to anxiety?  

[loistlane]

He has never been exposed to anything on tv that would frightened him. I don't even watch the news whilst he is up. Feel Useless that i can't help him

[margypops]

Is it possible that at 5 year old he saw some scary TV or on the computer involving the police there are many violent TV shows ..Do you monitor TV and Computer, has he any siblings?