6 year old daughter odd behavior - taking things / lying

[KC740]

My daughter (6) has been taking her father's things for the past 6 months during her visitation with him.  Her dad and I were both remarried before she turned 3. She has 2 step sisters (7 & 10) at her dad's and one half brother (2) in my home.  To be specific, she was focused on his cell phone at first -- the problem is that she would take it, hide it and wouldn't tell anyone where she put it.  Two cell phones later and various forms of dicipline, (i.e. Time - out, taking things away, grounding her from fun events, and even spanking (which we learned DOESN'T work)) she started taking other random items in her dad's home.  Things like his keys, his mustache trimmer, etc..and hiding them. At first we thought she was doing it for attention.  After the first 3 months, it almost seemed like a habit -- like, she had to do it once she got there.  The crazy thing is -- she does't touch my things or her stepdads.  The good news is that both our households communicate very well and stay consistant in our message to our daughter when it comes to her behavior. We are united and are really trying to understand what she is going through.  We speculate many things: jealousy, not enough attention, acting like a spoiled brat...etc.  She has learned the art of playing us against each other with made up stories on both sides.  When she is with me, she may say something like, I didn't get breakfast today (with a sad face) or she may say at her dad's house, my mommy didn't feed me dinner.  It's like she is playing both sides and thank goodness we do communicate, because we know better. We had a few sessions of couseling but I'm not convinced that it helped.  I have pleaded, begged, and told her to stop that behavior and that it's unacceptable -- her response is that she will try - as if she can't help it.  We are confused and really need guidance on what to do next.  I have talked to the pediatrician and got a few names for child therapists.  Thank you.

[LRM1021]

Non-criminal stealing happens when people feel like they are not getting something to which they should be entitled -- that they somehow feel inadequate and threatened and take things to make the playing field even.

In her dad's house, there are a LOT of other women for her to compete with. In your house, not so-- just her brother.  To me, it sounds like your daughter believes these other women have "her Dad" most of the time-- so she is stealing and hiding things re: "her Dad" to make it even. When she says she can't help it, that's kind of true -- she feels these things so powerfully, and can't express them verbally, so she is motivated to do these things, and most likely she is not completely conscious of her motivation ( if she was, she could express it verbally, and this type of thing would not happen:))

I think you should give counseling another try --so that your daughter can bring her feelings about her Dad and his house to the surface, your family can discuss them, and you can work together on a solution to the problem. I would go ahead and call the therapists your dr recommended.

[margypops]

Also she may miss her Bio Dad, sounds like Both Dads need to get their acts together, get Step Dad involved.

[margypops]

Well she is getting the attention she needs but by doing negative things,Too much talk in this instance , how about you do more with her maybe Dad should take her out play Games with her,be more matter of fact dont make a big issue of the stealing try to ignore it more, she may be trying to get Dads attention more ,does he give her quality time without the little one there,If you plead and Beg you are focussing on the Negative, try chillin out when she trys to play everyone against each other you can laugh to yourselves, she only a little kid who feels left out , draw her in and do plenty with her,she wont have time to focus on the other stuff then,. Good luck,she sounds like a clever kid.