why my adopted son lies and steals

Question

We have an adopted 8 year old son that steals and lies all the time. He steals from his older brother, his father, and myself at first, now he is stealing from other family members. We adopted him when was 2 1/2 years old. He always knew he was adopted. Our family fully accepted him as our own child. We treated him the same way we treated my own biological son who is 12 years old now. I make sure that what ever I got my older son something, my youngest would get the same thing too. Lately he's been saying that he doesn't want to live with us anymore. I believe that it is easy for him to say this because he's angry because he's been punish so much. We have to punish him for his behavior or else he's going to think that it is ok to lie and steal. All I'm trying to do is raise two good young men. If my oldest did the same thing I would be punishing him the same way. I never had any of these problems with my oldest son. We've taken toys, tv, DS, and going out to play away and nothing has worked. I sometimes think that he can't feel or want to feel the hurt that he's causing to our family. I feel that we've given him all that we can. I don't know what to do with him.
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This discussion is related to 8 yr old step son lying and stealing.

Sandman2 · Answer

Ya, RAD can do that to you.  But undiagnosed ADHD will also have the same symptoms and ADHD is treatable.   Of course, he easily could have both.  Does he have the same problems in school?
    You might want to take a look at this link on ADHD and see if any of these also fit.  http://www.help4adhd.org/en/about/what/WWK1
    If you think that ADHD or ADD might be a possibility - I am also the CL here - http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175  - post me there if you have any questions about the ADHD link.

RockRose · Answer

Interesting, this whole thread.  When children don't get love and attention and affection in their first 18 months of life,  they are left with attachment disorders.  

There's no hope for these kids,  as I understand it.  If no one nurtures you between birth and 18 months of life,   you're done.

Mr_J · Answer

I have a 7 year old adopted son that is behaving in much the same way as you described.  He has been diagnosed with RAD, but we have had him since he was 1 year and 10 months old.  He blew like 6 placements for his behavior before he came to my wife and myself.  He has recently started this lying for no reason and stealing to see if I can get away with it, thing.  Any suggestions would be great.

althepal39 · Answer

Adopted kids sometimes have issues caused by things that happened to them before they were adopted.  Even though he was 2and a half when you adopted him - he may have suffered some sort of trauma or abuse or neglect during those extremely critical developmental years.      He probably does not even realize that this is why he is acting this way.  I would take him to a good counselor - one that specializes in the needs of adopted kids.    What do you know of his life before you adopted him?