Can I have a normal life?

[Silverlinings1993]

I'm 30 year old female who was diagnosed this year with alcoholic cirrhosis. I literally was killing a handle of vodka within 3 or 4 days and then starting over for a couple of years. Before that I was still a heavy drinker jusy one with less funds for about 10 years. I was functional til this year. I started losing my appetite and gaining some weight last year. Then at the beginning of march I got alcohol hepatits and that was a nightmare. In and out of hospitals til my last visit hospilization for a week. Lost 40 pounds from March 28th to April 13th. Had to get fluid drained from around my lungs. Been eating healthier and absolutely no alcohol since March 19th. My labs improved and my liver has shrunk to a more normal size. Everything is getting better, but I had an upper endoscopy the other day and learned all about esophageal varicies and mosaic stomach :/ my varicies were banded. I was told I might just have hepatits and could return to normal, but my diagnosis with my endoscopy was straight alcoholic cirrhosis. I know I put myself in this situation and I regret it so much. I don't want to symptom check on Google anymore and only have a few times because of anxiety and of course that made it worse. Idk I just want to know if I can live a normal life or if I'm literally just going to be kicked down and die in like 12 years. I'm also terrified of that pain again. My appetite is way better and I've been light exercising and eating a lot better. Also abstaining from all alcohol and taking lactalose and a med for portal hypertension. I have the spider agiomas on my hand and my upper arm and shoulder which are a constant reminder. I'm the only one that knows I have this. I just want some advice please.

[Kkat123]

Hi.... I myself always feel like I'm looking for the same answer. I was diagnosed with alcoholic cirrhosis 2 and half years ago at the age of 42.  My story has all the cirrhosis twists and turns and with a health life now  and no alcohol my numbers are stable. Yet, I think about it every day.  I had one hiccup recently but am not on a waiting list as of now. So, I know I didn't answer your question but, you are not alone with that feeling.  

[ConnieL1]

Good post.   We have to remember we are only human.  I am sorry about your "hiccup" but it sounds like you are like me in that you have come a long way in the battle.  I too think  about it, but not everyday anymore.  I'm 62 and was given a life expectancy of 6-10 years back in 2017.  I feel better today than I have since I was 14 and started using.  Good to hear someone else who is struggling with this disease, but always coming back to balance again.  

[ConnieL1]

Wow!  You are my missing twin.  I also drank up to a gallon of Vodka daily with some periods of sobriety of up to 9 years in between.  I just turned 62 and was diagnosed with Stage IV Liver Failure in 2017.  I almost died from bleeding of the esophageal variaces and have had multiple bandings.  I was given a life expectancy of 6-10 years.  That was in 2017, as I said.  After the first two years I switched over to a TIPS inplant which essentially by-passes the normal blood flow route to balance the hepatic hypertension.  After 6 years that has held place and the other issues have stopped.  Sobriety is essential!  I actually worked in Substance Abuse and Mental Health Counseling during my "dry" years so I have seen a great number of AA/NA friends as well as personal friends both heal and, sadly, die from this disease.  You have to be clean in order to stay alive.  I use God as my higher power and TALK to friends with similar issues.  This forum is wonderful and I hate it took so long o find it, but God does it all in His time.  Now don't be put off by my higher power choices.  You just have to acknowledge that something has greater control than you.  I hear the "God" excuse in AA all the time.  The bottom line is, you can't drink or drug!!!  That's it plain and simple.  I wish you much success and will offer any help or thoughts I can, but always, ALWAYS seek a professional for treatment purposes.  Herbs and fly-by-nights often contain ingredients that can make your disease worse!  You are a young person and I would venture to say that with hard work, and it is hard, you can lead a very full life.  Put the "death date" out of your mind and focus on "one day at a time".  Pretty soon that will all end up with a pile of good living.  I had been a user since the age of 14!  I've come from diapers to none, walkers to walking without aids, eat like a pig on the good stuff and see that life expectancy just fading into nothingness.  I plan on being here for as long as I can be!  Good luck on your journey and I hope to hear from you to see how you are doing sometime!  

[Positive_Outlook]

I don't have the answer but you and I seem to have some similar issues going on and I have known since December.  Lost 40 pounds due to ascites and now abstaining from alcohol but what's next?  I which there was a book for each individual person.  

[ConnieL1]

Yeah, that handbook would be great!  Unfortunately we all have our own individual body to deal with, and our own doctors!  Healthcare in the US is often questionable but it still rates high....I used from the age of 14 to 56 with periods of sobriety for up to 9 years and still was diagnosed with a life expectancy of 6-10 years back in 2017.  I will pass the first hurdle in September of this year, 2023 and am better than I have felt since I was about 14!  I eat like a pig, love living, and, just out of being a real hard head,  I suppose, just refuse to quit because I've been told to!  I have had banding, now have a TIPS inplant and maintain a healthy diet...avoiding as much "bad stuff" like red meat and fried goodies or processed foods as I can.  But boy can I put down something yummy!  Healthy doesn't have to mean "yuck" and I do allow myself a good debauchery into the land of steak or Taco Bell or my newest awful addiction, Jolly Ranchers, LOL!  I also don't mope about my predicament because even though I had an awful childhood, and lots of issues, so does everyone else and no one held a gun to my head to do some blow or drink a cocktail to excess.  I did it and I have to DEAL with it.  I laugh at myself a lot and don't let myself get into the "what if's" and "wow is me's" often.  I just pull up my big girl drawers and move along with it.  There is hope for a happy full life and sites like this or support groups are really great at seeing the big picture and getting ideas of how to move forward in a healthy way.  God bless you and I hope to hear how you are doing on this journey!  Hang in there!