Should we feel safe around our family at Christmas?

[kdbush56]

My husband and I feel as if we should be by ourselves for Christmas.  Our oldest daughter has recovered from Covid.  She has a husband and 2 school age children in her home.  She feels as if we would be okay to gather because she's already had it.  But I question what if the others are asymtomatic?  We are in our 60's with no major health concerns.  I wish the answers to these pandemic problems were easy to find.

[AnnieBrooke]

She feels that since she had it, if the others were going to get it they would have gotten it already from her and are therefore supposedly immune? Do you know if they have been out and about? Or are they all living in their house together and never go to the store or anywhere?

Sometimes we just have to do what seems like the correct course of action, even if we have only "I feel that way" to defend our position. She might be right but you might be right, and it's your choice to go or not.

Just say that you don't feel safe going to gatherings. That takes it out of being a judgement on her ability to assess the situation, and puts it all on you.  She is not as likely to feel insulted that you haven't heeded her judgement if you posit it as merely your own fears.

As my old friend the therapist always said at Christmas, despite the heavy expectations of the season, we are not *obligated* to go to gatherings if it's too much. That was true back in the days when "too much" was merely referring to the overwhelm of the season, and it is true today with Covid. Do what makes you feel the most protected.

[kdbush56]

Thanks for this.  They are all out and about and the kids are in school.  Like my other daughter said: it isn't worth 2 weeks of anxiety after a visit.  It's pretty much how I feel.  

[Paxiled]

Dr. Fauci says stay home.  I'll go with him.  

[Paxiled]

In thinking about this more, and standing by listening to the epidemiologists who are unanimous in saying stay within your bubble until the vaccine works, I did want to say that the fact your daughter had covid doesn't mean to a certainty she has immunity to it, can't spread it asymptomatically, and can't get it again.  While the number who have proven to have gotten it more than once is small, it isn't none.  Nobody yet knows how long any immunity obtained by having had covid lasts or even to a certainty it exists, though most believe there is some.  Nobody even knows how long the immunity obtained from the vaccines lasts.  And the fact her kids are out and about but haven't apparently gotten it doesn't mean they haven't, as again, they could be asymptomatic but still spreaders.  These are hard decisions to make, as we're still nowhere near the time when we can relax about this disease, but when we protect ourselves we are also protecting others at the same time.  If you do choose to go, stay distanced, masked and outdoors as much as possible, but there will be other Christmases to enjoy.  People have been missing holiday gatherings for so many reasons forever, such as military service, working overseas, deciding to travel during the holiday break, staying at school over the break, going elsewhere such as a romantic partner's home rather than your own -- it just seems that all of a sudden we have a pandemic and everyone forgets that they've missed a lot of family gatherings over the years.  Just some thoughts.  Peace.