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Avatar universal

sex before and after ovulation: two different people

Hi All
I used to keep better track of my cycle but have stopped temping the past few months. my last period was 9/25 and according to an app I use, I ovulated on 10/14. I had unprotected sex on 10/9 and he pulled out well before finishing which I know doesn't mean pregnancy isn't possible... I then had unprotected sex on the 19th or 20th. On 10/31 I had a very faint positive. Have since confirmed pregnancy. I went to the clinic on on 11/7 for an abortion and they said it was too early to find the pregnancy. So I was told to wait two more weeks, 11/21.
I am usually a late ovulator, and there's a chance i ovulated later than 10/14 but who knows. I'm trying to figure out who could have been the father. The first time or he second. I also know that sperm could have stayed inside of me for up to 10 days so it could be the first guy, but there's a chance I ovulated late and it was the second instead. It seems unlikely that it could have happened on either end but it did. I'm still shocked. If I go back to the clinic on 11/21 that's 5 weeks and 3 days since supposed ovulation. If they see the pregnancy, then it must be the first guy. If they don't, they there's a chance it could be the second, right? Or perhaps I ovulated late and the first guys sperm managed to survive all that time and go for the gold.
Every time I think about it, it's a genuine toss up. Anyone who has some suggestions on figuring it out, I'd appreciate it. If I knew it was the second guys, then I'd be likely to keep it but not for the first. Don't judge please--- it does no one any good. just honest answers would be super appreciated.
7 Responses
134578 tn?1614729226
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, do you have unusually long cycles?  Because if you ovulated on the 14th, that would suggest your next period was due on October 28, and 33 days is kind of a long time from September 25.   You comment that you ovulate late, but that does not suggest that then you could have ovulated even later -- October 14 was already late compared to the average.  It seems to me that the distance between September 25 and October 19 is too long for ovulation not to have happened yet unless your cycles are regularly 40 days long or so.
Avatar universal
Thanks for your response, Annie. My next period was due on the 23rd. I never quite have two weeks between ovulation and period. It's usually closer to 10 days or so. My cycles probably average 30-33 days.
Avatar universal
You stated you're wanting to have an abortion so it wouldn't really matter who fathered your child would it?
If you're leaning for that choice there are pills you can take I'd say the sooner the better. Its your choice now if you're trying to figure our who's it is to determine whether you continue or terminate wait till you're at 7+ weeks get the babies est size (Example 7weeks+3day etc)  and back track from there it should give you a better idea of conception.
Avatar universal
sorry didn't read the last part since it is a determining factor id say get the  gestational age of the fetus and base your choice from there.
134578 tn?1614729226
COMMUNITY LEADER
According to everything I've seen written about the relationship of ovulation to the next period, if your period was due on the 23rd, you would have ovulated around the 9th.  You might be taking your temp signals or your app as more gospel than they are?  

Anyway, it really sounds like the first guy has the highest likelihood of being the dad, the second guy is quite late according to when you were expecting your period.  Everything I've read about ovulation says it comes 14 days before the next period, no matter when the last period was.  Unless you've been tracking your ovulation with, for example, a doctor looking at your ovaries with a series of ultrasounds, or at least with ovulation predictor kits (and even those don't say when you have ovulated, just when your hormone surge arrives that should prompt ovulation), merely using an app can't tell you for sure when you ovulated.  

If you were to get an ultrasound, try to do it in your seventh week from the first day of your last period, and ask them to give you an estimated due date based only on the measurements of the embryo and its developmental markers, rather than your last period.  (This will cover the issue of whether or not you ovulate late in your cycle.)  That should tell you what you need to know.
Avatar universal
Thank you! I also read that sperm can technically survive for as long as 10 days before fertilizing an egg. That would mean the first could actually be the father even if the size/age of the embryo is later... When I went to the clinic they couldn't see anything. I'll go back on 11/21 and if they still don't see anything, then you'll think it would mean the second would need to be the event of conception so to speak, but I guess is some super sperm managed to survive 10 days!!!! Ah!!!!
134578 tn?1614729226
COMMUNITY LEADER
I've never seen anything written that indicates sperm can live 10 days and still be viable.  Write in when you get your next ultrasound.  
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