Who could my baby daddy be

[qtmya]

I had sex with both my boyfriend and ex on the same day (me and my boyfriend were going through issues) now I’m 7 weeks pregnant and I don’t know who the dad is. My boyfriend never pulls out and says he has a short sperm count while my ex can perfectly have kids but he did pull out. So I’m stuck please help

[AnnieBrooke]

OK, well, it doesn't sound like you got pregnant on that particular day if it was 6 weeks 3 days back from when the doctor said you were 6 weeks 3 days along. I'll tell you why this would be so, but please first tell me, did the doctor say this after looking at an ultrasound? Or did the doc simply look at a little cardboard wheel or a calendar and ask you the first day of your last period and no ultrasound was done?

[AnnieBrooke]

And if he did an ultrasound, did he give you an estimated due date?

[qtmya]

Yes she told me after the ultrasound, she said I was due January 19

[AnnieBrooke]

And did you have sex between April 24 and April 28?

[AnnieBrooke]

[Because that is when you would have needed to, for a due date of January 19.] Is that the time period of your busy day, or was it a couple of weeks earlier?

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, sex on the same day is impossible to sort out without a DNA test. How do you know that eventful day was the day that produced your pregnancy? What if you were pregnant from your boyfriend already before you had the sex with the ex?

If you know FOR SURE that this is the only day you had sex in months and you are now pregnant and it cannot be any other possible day, here's some stuff to know.

'Pulling out' is not a method of birth control, it's just a justification. If sperm was in his urethra from an earlier ejaculation, it could ride into your body in the pre-ejaculatory fluid and the guy would not have to ejaculate during the sex to expose you to sperm.

The "short sperm count" stuff is also b.s. One single ejaculation contains millions of sperm. Even a tenth of that amount that is still many times the amount needed for you to get pregnant. Unless your boyfriend has given you lab results from a doctor that shows he has 0% sperm count, you can't believe anything he says. Just like the guy who pulls out, it sounds like he just didn't want to have to wear a condom. Where did you get these guys? Don't they care about you at all?

DNA tests for paternity are available both before the baby is born and after the baby comes. Only those done after the baby comes (by a lab approved by the family courts) are legally admissible for child-support purposes. But if you are desperate to know beforehand, you could contact either Ravgen or the DDC. You will find that their top-quality prenatal testing is about ten times as expensive as DNA tests done after the baby comes.  (Don't bother with so-called DNA labs that advertise heavily on the Internet. Those are simply a waste of your money). Sometimes the woman and both men share the cost of prenatal testing 1/3- 1/3- 1/3, but they have to be on pretty good terms to do that, I think. Often the women who write in here for advice can't afford the prenatal testing and so it is a moot point.

When you do post-natal DNA testing, talk to your doctor and/or call the clerk of the family courts in your area of jurisdiction, and find out an approved lab for this kind of work. Don't do a drugstore test, courts don't find them reliable because of the risk of fraud or mis-handling of the samples. Go to a lawyer if the guys won't test. They pretty much have to, if you are filing for child support. Test with both men, of course, and go with them when they do it so you can affirm it is really them.

Sorry you are in this mess. Write back if you think there is a chance you got pregnant on a different day. What you could be doing is called the "flashlight effect" -- because this dramatic thing happened, you are assuming it caused something. Maybe it didn't. Write back with more detail if you want to check the dates.

[qtmya]

Thank you I appreciate it, I’m not 100% sure this is when it happened i went to the doctors and they told me I was 6 weeks and 3 days and I just went back and it landed on that date, and I als have an irregular period so I never kept up with it so it’s a crazy situation. Thank you for answering. I was afraid no one would see my question.

[AnnieBrooke]

So, when you say,  "I just went back and it landed on that date," I take it that you are saying that when the doctor did an ultrasound and said "You are 6 weeks 3 days pregnant," you went home and counted back 6 weeks 3 days on the calendar and realized that was the big day when you had sex with two guys. Am I understanding correctly what you mean by "it landed on that date"?

When a doc orders an ultrasound in early pregnancy, the ultrasound tech measures the crown-to-rump measurement of the embryo and other developmental markers. Based on those, the computer assigns a first day of the woman's last period, based on the massive database of similar data from other embryos that size that have known conception dates. Whether or not this first day of the last period matches the woman's exact first day of her last period doesn't matter, that is the day that begins the pregnancy count on the computer.

The reason I asked if your doctor was giving the date based on your actual first day of your last period (which would be counted by a little cardboard wheel or just counted out on the calendar or not) or whether you had an ultrasound, is that the ultrasound sees and measures the actual baby. Counting forward just with a first day of bleeding and a calendar might not be as accurate.

Anyway, you say you had an ultrasound, and that is what your due date came from, is that right? If you had the ultrasound at 6 weeks 3 days, that is the best timing for accuracy.

[AnnieBrooke]

I haven't heard back from you and just want to be sure you get what I am saying,

IF you thought that when giving you a count in weeks, the doctor meant you were x weeks x days from conception, that is probably not what was meant. If you knew the doctor was referring to the first day of your last period to begin the weeks count, we have a different discussion.

Doctors time pregnancy from the first day of your last period. If (you didn't know this and) where  you say "I just went back and it landed on the date," in other words, if you just counted back 6 weeks 3 days thinking to find out when conception was, well, that's wrong. It would have been about 4 weeks 3 days from the visit to the doctor where the doc said 6 weeks 3 days. The time period of pregnancy used by the whole medical profession starts with the first day of the last period.