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Desperate to figure Conception Date - please help
Hello; I wanted to know if you could possibly help me.
I am very lost and to be quite honest an absolute mess.
I feel very guilty and disgusted with myself and that my actions have put me in this situation.
I am a married women with a child. Actually happily married.
I made a HORRIBLE choice and slept with a close friend. I recently discovered I am pregnant and LOOSING my mind cause I'm not sure by whom. Please give me your advice. NO ONE KNOWS about this except the man I slept with.
My First day of my Period was 10/16/15 - My Cycle Length is 26 days - my next period was due 11/10/15 - I tested on 11/12 and was positive.
I had intercourse with my husband 10/24/15 (sorry for graphic he came inside me)
10/26/15 with my husband- pulled out but kinda a bit late I think and according to him too.
10/29/15 intercourse with my friend (no protection) he did pull out and he says is sure nothing came inside me (but its not like that 100% and I know that) he says he is sure though.
I started to get nervous and went and got a PLAN B and took that on 10/31/15.
11/3/15 intercourse with my husband (pullout)
11/4/15 intercourse with my husband (no pullout)
I am going to a clinic this week to get the "abortion pill" ONLY cause I fear it is not my husbands and I can NOT go through with this if it is not his.
If it is my husbands I would not go through with getting the pill - cause honestly I do want another child.
please let me know what you think - many thanks
I messed up ...I know this. I am so ridden with guilt.
I am very lost and to be quite honest an absolute mess.
I feel very guilty and disgusted with myself and that my actions have put me in this situation.
I am a married women with a child. Actually happily married.
I made a HORRIBLE choice and slept with a close friend. I recently discovered I am pregnant and LOOSING my mind cause I'm not sure by whom. Please give me your advice. NO ONE KNOWS about this except the man I slept with.
My First day of my Period was 10/16/15 - My Cycle Length is 26 days - my next period was due 11/10/15 - I tested on 11/12 and was positive.
I had intercourse with my husband 10/24/15 (sorry for graphic he came inside me)
10/26/15 with my husband- pulled out but kinda a bit late I think and according to him too.
10/29/15 intercourse with my friend (no protection) he did pull out and he says is sure nothing came inside me (but its not like that 100% and I know that) he says he is sure though.
I started to get nervous and went and got a PLAN B and took that on 10/31/15.
11/3/15 intercourse with my husband (pullout)
11/4/15 intercourse with my husband (no pullout)
I am going to a clinic this week to get the "abortion pill" ONLY cause I fear it is not my husbands and I can NOT go through with this if it is not his.
If it is my husbands I would not go through with getting the pill - cause honestly I do want another child.
please let me know what you think - many thanks
I messed up ...I know this. I am so ridden with guilt.
Best Answer
COMMUNITY LEADER
It helps. And it backs up what everyone has told you, that your lover has much less chance than your husband of being the father. In your shoes, if your fling is willing to pay for the prenatal DNA test, I would certainly still get it, or else every time you have an ultrasound you will freak out anew. The DNA test is what will tell you what you need to know.
hello. I recently went to the doctor from my LMP doctor put my due date for 7/23. (this was just going off you know that wheel they do)
After the ultrasound (which was done on 12/8) They did all the measurements and what not they said I was further along than they though and put my due date for earlier at 7/16.
Ultrasound put me at 8 weeks and 3 days. (so today I'm 8 weeks 6 days)
Doctor said conception date was on 10/24
To refresh:
My first date of LMP was 10/16 - I cycle every 26 days (very on schedule)
10/24 & 10/26 (intimate with no protection)
10/29 pull out
The ultrasound from the clinic said I was 5 weeks (that was on 11/18) this was from a clinic though and not so sure about the sonogram tech etc also this was given via regular ultrasound they did not do a trans-vaginal one.
Could you please give me your opinion do you think that from the scan I had this week it rules out 10/29?
After the ultrasound (which was done on 12/8) They did all the measurements and what not they said I was further along than they though and put my due date for earlier at 7/16.
Ultrasound put me at 8 weeks and 3 days. (so today I'm 8 weeks 6 days)
Doctor said conception date was on 10/24
To refresh:
My first date of LMP was 10/16 - I cycle every 26 days (very on schedule)
10/24 & 10/26 (intimate with no protection)
10/29 pull out
The ultrasound from the clinic said I was 5 weeks (that was on 11/18) this was from a clinic though and not so sure about the sonogram tech etc also this was given via regular ultrasound they did not do a trans-vaginal one.
Could you please give me your opinion do you think that from the scan I had this week it rules out 10/29?
COMMUNITY LEADER
It seems like it to me. It does not rule one or the other in or out. This is based on the oft-mentioned "22 days after conception" figure for the heart to start beating. I don't know exactly how scientific that figure is. 22 days after conception plus the 2 weeks an utrasound would automatically compute to get you to the "first day of your last period" (even if your cycles are shorter) would be 36 days, or 5 weeks 1 day counted the medical way. This would mean, when you got an ultrasound at 5 weeks 0 days counted the medical way, it was too early for the heart to be beating but by only 1 day. If you had had the wherewithal to get an ultrasound the next day and the next, it could be significant to know that the heart began to beat on exactly this day and not that one. But I think it is too late to know that now. I think by now, the heart should be beating no matter who the dad is.
This is not exact science, this is just figuring what you can figure now, versus waiting until later. Get the DNA test and you will know. All the rest is just educated guesses.
This is not exact science, this is just figuring what you can figure now, versus waiting until later. Get the DNA test and you will know. All the rest is just educated guesses.
So if there is a heartbeat as of 11/22 or 11/23 - that means my husband or my friend. Sorry just want make sure I understand correctly.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'd try to see if you can get a vaginal ultrasound in the time period between 6 weeks 5 days through 7 weeks 1 day or 7 weeks 2 days. It might help clarify things a little. On the other hand, your two men's dates are so close that another ultrasound is probably not going to clarify things in the same way that it would have clarified them to see a heartbeat yesterday. All an accurate ultrasound could do for you now is to be from the time period where things are more easy to see than at 5 w 0 d, and yet not so far along that the margin for error gets bigger and bigger and therefore the numbers are useless.
By now, seeing a heartbeat will not tell you if the baby is from your husband or your friend, (although it might be somewhat significant if you happen to have stopped having sex with your husband after 10/26 and there is no heartbeat yet as of 11/22 or 11/23). If you the guy you slept with will pay for the DNA test, for heaven's sake do it, as it is what will tell you what you need to know.
The guy being sure he didn't come is not the operative issue here. It's whether he would have had sperm in his pre-ejaculate when he and you had sex. Is he too embarrassed to tell you if he might have had sex or masturbated sometime in the day before having sex with you? That's too bad, because it's important. Try to make it clear to him that it hardly matters whether he came or not compared to whether his pre-ejaculatory fluid had sperm in it, and you really need him to try to remember. I hope you're at least good enough friends to be able to say this to him.
I'm puzzled about how you intend to keep this a secret from your husband if it is tearing you up so much. I can remember when I was 7 weeks pregnant needing to unbutton my pants on long car rides, and that was the only clue you would have that I was pregnant, and when I was 11 weeks I had to tell my dentist and didn't show at all, so I guess it's possible to hide a pregnancy from your husband for a while physically. But your state of mind is a different story. Did you get an appointment with a counselor?
I'm also troubled by you saying your marriage is a good marriage but that there would be absolutely no understanding by your husband if you had to cough up what is happening and that you would rather die. I'm not questioning that some men would stop their marriage over this, I'm questioning you characterizing the marriage as happy if it is a matter of life and death to keep this secret. Women don't have sex with other men when they are in a marriage that is happy in every way. The thing that you were missing in your marriage, such that you had sex with someone else, really has to be a material issue in the marriage, or you wouldn't have gone to someone else. If you find a counselor to talk to, please talk about this. An affair, unless the person really doesn't care about their vows at all, says that the couple in the marriage have some element missing and they had better work on getting that fixed. Obviously, I understand that almost no men are that perfect or would take the news of their wife's infidelity this philosophically. But if you went for something because you didn't have it in your marriage, what is there to stop you from continuing to ache for it? That, I think, you need to fix. Counselors are really good at that kind of subject.
By now, seeing a heartbeat will not tell you if the baby is from your husband or your friend, (although it might be somewhat significant if you happen to have stopped having sex with your husband after 10/26 and there is no heartbeat yet as of 11/22 or 11/23). If you the guy you slept with will pay for the DNA test, for heaven's sake do it, as it is what will tell you what you need to know.
The guy being sure he didn't come is not the operative issue here. It's whether he would have had sperm in his pre-ejaculate when he and you had sex. Is he too embarrassed to tell you if he might have had sex or masturbated sometime in the day before having sex with you? That's too bad, because it's important. Try to make it clear to him that it hardly matters whether he came or not compared to whether his pre-ejaculatory fluid had sperm in it, and you really need him to try to remember. I hope you're at least good enough friends to be able to say this to him.
I'm puzzled about how you intend to keep this a secret from your husband if it is tearing you up so much. I can remember when I was 7 weeks pregnant needing to unbutton my pants on long car rides, and that was the only clue you would have that I was pregnant, and when I was 11 weeks I had to tell my dentist and didn't show at all, so I guess it's possible to hide a pregnancy from your husband for a while physically. But your state of mind is a different story. Did you get an appointment with a counselor?
I'm also troubled by you saying your marriage is a good marriage but that there would be absolutely no understanding by your husband if you had to cough up what is happening and that you would rather die. I'm not questioning that some men would stop their marriage over this, I'm questioning you characterizing the marriage as happy if it is a matter of life and death to keep this secret. Women don't have sex with other men when they are in a marriage that is happy in every way. The thing that you were missing in your marriage, such that you had sex with someone else, really has to be a material issue in the marriage, or you wouldn't have gone to someone else. If you find a counselor to talk to, please talk about this. An affair, unless the person really doesn't care about their vows at all, says that the couple in the marriage have some element missing and they had better work on getting that fixed. Obviously, I understand that almost no men are that perfect or would take the news of their wife's infidelity this philosophically. But if you went for something because you didn't have it in your marriage, what is there to stop you from continuing to ache for it? That, I think, you need to fix. Counselors are really good at that kind of subject.
I wouldn't be able to go today meaning 11/20.
So your suggestion is to wait till 7 weeks and 1 day?
Should I try and go next week at 6 weeks or it would be better to go at 7 weeks and 1 day?
I was reading the earlier threads that you wrote to me and you totally guessed it exactly how far long I would be. On the 17th you had estimated that I would be 5 weeks 0 days when I went on the 18th and that is what they said I was.
I spoke with my friend and he knows how depressed I am and how disgusted I feel with myself. He says over and over he is SURE he did not ejaculate inside me.
AnnieBrooke, I know that you can not say for sure of course but based on your earlier posts you felt the chance it being my husbands was much greater.
Do you think so really?
I am also very concerned that I am over 35. When I had my child I was younger than that. Now with being over 35 you need all these different tests done with genetics. They have that blood test now that tests for those things at 10 weeks - so depending on the outcome the parent has a choice to continue on or terminate.
So your suggestion is to wait till 7 weeks and 1 day?
Should I try and go next week at 6 weeks or it would be better to go at 7 weeks and 1 day?
I was reading the earlier threads that you wrote to me and you totally guessed it exactly how far long I would be. On the 17th you had estimated that I would be 5 weeks 0 days when I went on the 18th and that is what they said I was.
I spoke with my friend and he knows how depressed I am and how disgusted I feel with myself. He says over and over he is SURE he did not ejaculate inside me.
AnnieBrooke, I know that you can not say for sure of course but based on your earlier posts you felt the chance it being my husbands was much greater.
Do you think so really?
I am also very concerned that I am over 35. When I had my child I was younger than that. Now with being over 35 you need all these different tests done with genetics. They have that blood test now that tests for those things at 10 weeks - so depending on the outcome the parent has a choice to continue on or terminate.
COMMUNITY LEADER
By that I mean, by then the clue of the embryo having a heartbeat would not rule either guy out or in after about the day after tomorrow. But that doesn't mean it would be foolish to get an ultrasound at, say, 7 weeks 1 day. They should be able to tell a lot more then from developmental markers and the size of the embryo.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I would get another ultrasound as soon as you can, and see if you can get it at a place where the baby's heart beating would be clear on the screen. If you could get it tomorrow, and if you saw the heart beating tomorrow, it would still be significant. After that, though, it could be either guy's baby.
Hi AnnieBrooke, Oh No - that's not good.
The only thing I can think of is just calling up a different GYN office and making and appt to go. Just I guess pretending I may possibly be a new patient.
So what day should I go for this ultrasound? Please let me know so I can find someone and make the appointment.
When I did the baby medhelp ovulation predictor it gave me 10/28. I put in my FDLP and cycle length of 26 days.
The only thing I can think of is just calling up a different GYN office and making and appt to go. Just I guess pretending I may possibly be a new patient.
So what day should I go for this ultrasound? Please let me know so I can find someone and make the appointment.
When I did the baby medhelp ovulation predictor it gave me 10/28. I put in my FDLP and cycle length of 26 days.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Because of your short cycles, I think you having a 5-week figure given to you in the ultrasound suggests not the 27th but closer to the 29th. Do you have access to a regular doctor (not the center you're going to now) to get another ultrasound in about a week? It would be nice to have a back-up ultrasound to confirm the 5 weeks 0 days from the other ultrasound.
Okay so I went last night and they took a sonogram first. The tech said I was exactly 5 weeks (so 5 weeks and 1 day today)
All she saw was the gestational sac.
Due to the type of place it is (basically they perform abortions surgical and the pill ) they don't have sound so I was not able to see if there was a heartbeat or not.
Then they brought me to a room where a counselor spoke to me (it was the same lady I spoke to on the phone so she knew my story) - she said the same thing you said about the chances of it being my friends was very very small. The chances are higher of being my husbands. She said its prob 98% - but this is a HUGE thing we are talking I can't leave any chance must be 100%.
And due to my huge disgusting mistake here I am.
I was a mess crying.
She asked if I was sure didn't want the abortion pill and I said yes. The I sobbed and sobbed and said I can't do that knowing that it could be and I were to do that.
I told her I was doing the pre-natal DNA testing at 9 weeks and 1 day and hopefully I would not see her again.
I drove home like a zombie and I was so dizzy and lightheaded last night. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat.
Also I spoke to him my friend and he is willing to pay for the pre-natal testing and be tested.
Is it crazy that I started taking pre-natal vitamins?
What should I do now? Is there anything I should do before the 9 week 1 day?
Should I go for another sonogram if so when?
All she saw was the gestational sac.
Due to the type of place it is (basically they perform abortions surgical and the pill ) they don't have sound so I was not able to see if there was a heartbeat or not.
Then they brought me to a room where a counselor spoke to me (it was the same lady I spoke to on the phone so she knew my story) - she said the same thing you said about the chances of it being my friends was very very small. The chances are higher of being my husbands. She said its prob 98% - but this is a HUGE thing we are talking I can't leave any chance must be 100%.
And due to my huge disgusting mistake here I am.
I was a mess crying.
She asked if I was sure didn't want the abortion pill and I said yes. The I sobbed and sobbed and said I can't do that knowing that it could be and I were to do that.
I told her I was doing the pre-natal DNA testing at 9 weeks and 1 day and hopefully I would not see her again.
I drove home like a zombie and I was so dizzy and lightheaded last night. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat.
Also I spoke to him my friend and he is willing to pay for the pre-natal testing and be tested.
Is it crazy that I started taking pre-natal vitamins?
What should I do now? Is there anything I should do before the 9 week 1 day?
Should I go for another sonogram if so when?
1 Comments
Sorry for butting in here just know that 9 weeks is the first try for blood work there maybe a chance you may not have enough fetal DNA accumulated in you yet as it has happened to some ladies and they had to wait a week or two more. Second when I did the test in aug the wait time was 20 business days luckily I got my results in 10 days. Looks like DDC changed back the anticipated result time frame. Just hoping this will prepare you for possible out comes of course I'm wishing this isn't your scenario. As far as the GA one of the online calculators says conception probably took place 10/27 you husbands swimmers could have very well lived till then from both prior intercourses. Please keep in mind scans can always be +/- 3-5 days so I've read. Like the lady said your husband has the upper hand here with probability and no you are not doing anything wrong by taking the prenatal pills with either outcome. It may be hard but my advice is staying off these boards till you have you answer as they can drive you crazy with mixed emotions. Regardless of what you read or the advice you get please remember this is your choice hun and no one can make it for you. what you can do is call DDC and have everything scheduled as they have to set up the appointment at the nearest lab for both of you its best to go in together. and do it early in the week stay away from Thursdays and Fridays as sometimes they have issues overnighting the blood back to lab since it will sit there till Monday if they get it during the weekend. Also they have to ship the kits to the lab and if you get this taken care of now it can make things smother once your 9th week comes along. Again good luck
COMMUNITY LEADER
Incidentally, if the DDC says 9 weeks 1 day is the earliest, for you that xhould be no earlier than 9 weeks 3 days. This is because of your shorter cycles. You don't want to do this test too early and fail to get a clear result!
1 Comments
So would that be 12/19?
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm glad you are giving this approach a try. A heartbeat now would be a positive sign.
Okay cause I have lost my mind fully. I was able to work it out.
I am going to go today and see what they say and what the sonogram shows.
I hope like you said they do hear a heart beat - cause that would be good right?
I will post after the appointment.
I am going to go today and see what they say and what the sonogram shows.
I hope like you said they do hear a heart beat - cause that would be good right?
I will post after the appointment.
This post hits home as I myself found myself in this situation back in July I conceived in June. Like you the second person was a pull out. My partner finished 3 times during my fertile period and I freaked when my Scans dated me for conception the day I was with the other person. Of course I to understood that the pull out method could have failed. Trust me girl I've been living in your shoes. I cried many times contemplated abortion although I had always been against it. You say you cannot have this baby if its not your husbands and I felt the same. Although my 5 year relationship was very rocky I would be killed if this baby wasn't my partners.
Just like you say I would have wanted to crawl in a hole die and disappear. Many times I convinced myself that terminating would be the better option I played myself mentally so bad to the point where I accepted doing such a thing.... Sadly I had tried to conceive prior and failed which lead to my depression so I came to the conclusion that I needed to know who the father was. I researched many companies and tested with DDC.
If it is at all possible talk to your friend and try to get the test done if you are thinking about keeping this baby.
You are not a monster your are not stupid we make mistakes we are human and we must do what we can to move past this and make the correct decisions. I had to get a Loan through AVANT to fund my test and am paying it off monthly I did what I needed to do. Although my scans dated me for conception the night I was with the second person my TESt with DDC excluded him as the father. Its been difficult accepting the results as the doubt always lingers but it does give you some peace of mind and in your case would be the factor of your decision whether or not to continue this pregnancy.
You are a mother so I'm sure you understand now that I feel my baby move I think to myself and remember how close I was to taking the abortion pills and now know that I made the decision that was right for myself. And if at the end of the day my results are incorrect I at least attempted to correct my mistake. Yes honesty is key to peace but I myself could not tell my partner nor family I've found lots of support here from other ladies like ourselves. It will not be easy but only you know how much you can take. Based on your period you may have conceived on the 28-30th your best chance would be to try and test if you want to keep this baby. I will be following or you can always message me if you want to talk hun I wish you the best.
Just like you say I would have wanted to crawl in a hole die and disappear. Many times I convinced myself that terminating would be the better option I played myself mentally so bad to the point where I accepted doing such a thing.... Sadly I had tried to conceive prior and failed which lead to my depression so I came to the conclusion that I needed to know who the father was. I researched many companies and tested with DDC.
If it is at all possible talk to your friend and try to get the test done if you are thinking about keeping this baby.
You are not a monster your are not stupid we make mistakes we are human and we must do what we can to move past this and make the correct decisions. I had to get a Loan through AVANT to fund my test and am paying it off monthly I did what I needed to do. Although my scans dated me for conception the night I was with the second person my TESt with DDC excluded him as the father. Its been difficult accepting the results as the doubt always lingers but it does give you some peace of mind and in your case would be the factor of your decision whether or not to continue this pregnancy.
You are a mother so I'm sure you understand now that I feel my baby move I think to myself and remember how close I was to taking the abortion pills and now know that I made the decision that was right for myself. And if at the end of the day my results are incorrect I at least attempted to correct my mistake. Yes honesty is key to peace but I myself could not tell my partner nor family I've found lots of support here from other ladies like ourselves. It will not be easy but only you know how much you can take. Based on your period you may have conceived on the 28-30th your best chance would be to try and test if you want to keep this baby. I will be following or you can always message me if you want to talk hun I wish you the best.
1 Comments
I sent you a message
Something came up today (the person who was going to pick up my child from school and watch till I got back)
So I called and made my appointment for this Saturday morning. If the heartbeat is heard then does that still favor positive or does it not matter by that point cause its further along)
Should I push and try and find a way to go today?
Can Saturday's appointment serve as that 6th week marker?
It's seeming a bit difficult to go to these both - should I really try and go today or should I just go on Saturday
So I called and made my appointment for this Saturday morning. If the heartbeat is heard then does that still favor positive or does it not matter by that point cause its further along)
Should I push and try and find a way to go today?
Can Saturday's appointment serve as that 6th week marker?
It's seeming a bit difficult to go to these both - should I really try and go today or should I just go on Saturday
Hi AnnieBrooke;
I want to thank you immensely. You are such a kind person to take the time to help me and others (from what I have seen here) on their troubles. May God bless you and your family.
No there is no way I can pay for it without him noticing. I am going to ask the other person I think he will help me.
I am also going to call DDC again today to confirm it all the timing of how soon it can be done.
I would be too ashamed to talk to someone in person about what I have done. I know when I go to the clinic and I have to explain to them I will be mortified. It is a good idea though to talk..maybe I will try to find a therapist to talk too.
It's hard enough to even write this.
Based on the advice you have given me, It has made me I think to go ahead and continue on and test with DDC at the soonest date. And please God let those results be good one otherwise I will have to have a later surgical procedure.
Could you please just clarify one thing for me. So do you think I should go today? To see if they can see a heartbeat? or just see what they say about how far etc
Or do you think I should wait to go till the mid 6th week early 7th - like you said before and do the count thing backwards like you said.
Or should I do both today and the one mid 6th week?
Sorry for all the questions. Thank you again
I want to thank you immensely. You are such a kind person to take the time to help me and others (from what I have seen here) on their troubles. May God bless you and your family.
No there is no way I can pay for it without him noticing. I am going to ask the other person I think he will help me.
I am also going to call DDC again today to confirm it all the timing of how soon it can be done.
I would be too ashamed to talk to someone in person about what I have done. I know when I go to the clinic and I have to explain to them I will be mortified. It is a good idea though to talk..maybe I will try to find a therapist to talk too.
It's hard enough to even write this.
Based on the advice you have given me, It has made me I think to go ahead and continue on and test with DDC at the soonest date. And please God let those results be good one otherwise I will have to have a later surgical procedure.
Could you please just clarify one thing for me. So do you think I should go today? To see if they can see a heartbeat? or just see what they say about how far etc
Or do you think I should wait to go till the mid 6th week early 7th - like you said before and do the count thing backwards like you said.
Or should I do both today and the one mid 6th week?
Sorry for all the questions. Thank you again
1 Comments
I'd do both. If you do find a heartbeat today, that's a big positive.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Regarding whether it would be too early to see anything when you go in tomorrow for an ultrasound scan, well, October 16 until now (using November 18 as 'now') is 33 days. If, as you say, you have 26-day cycles, you would probably ovulate on about day 12 of your cycle, which would make you about 21 days since conception. In case you don't know, ultrasounds use the measurement of the embryo and then begin the gestational age count (of "weeks pregnant") on a computed first day of your last period based on the embryo's size. By that kind of computation, you would be 21 days plus 14 days allowance, 35 days, because they use a standard two-week allowance. That would mean you'll be equivalent to 5 weeks 0 days GA based on assumed ovulation on day 12 of your cycle.
Fifth week ultrasounds are very difficult -- my RE would not even do them -- since being only one or two days off on one's assumptions can mean not seeing something or seeing something, and they usually freak the woman out unnecessarily. My guess is that you won't see a lot, but if you see the heart beating, that is good. The right-to-life people (who would have a reason to know these things) say the fetal heart begins to beat on day 22 since conception. (I think I've seen some of their revised materials saying even earlier). But having sex on the 29th is probably not early enough to see a beating heart at this point. (Just barely.) In short, if you did see a beating heart, that would be a good sign. Be sure to write back when you have the ultrasound.
As far as whether the Plan B not working indicates the baby is your husband's, unfortunately it says on its package insert that it is only effective 7 times out of 8. So its failure to work is not proof of your husband as the dad.
Fifth week ultrasounds are very difficult -- my RE would not even do them -- since being only one or two days off on one's assumptions can mean not seeing something or seeing something, and they usually freak the woman out unnecessarily. My guess is that you won't see a lot, but if you see the heart beating, that is good. The right-to-life people (who would have a reason to know these things) say the fetal heart begins to beat on day 22 since conception. (I think I've seen some of their revised materials saying even earlier). But having sex on the 29th is probably not early enough to see a beating heart at this point. (Just barely.) In short, if you did see a beating heart, that would be a good sign. Be sure to write back when you have the ultrasound.
As far as whether the Plan B not working indicates the baby is your husband's, unfortunately it says on its package insert that it is only effective 7 times out of 8. So its failure to work is not proof of your husband as the dad.
I forgot to mention one thing not sure if it counts or not.
But on 10/28 I went to the GYN for my annual check-up - doctor did a pap etc. I also had a trans-vaginal ultrasound that day cause I have very heavy periods and they wanted to just make sure all looked ok. Which it did.
Does that matter at all or interfere with anything?
Could you let me know - thank you again
But on 10/28 I went to the GYN for my annual check-up - doctor did a pap etc. I also had a trans-vaginal ultrasound that day cause I have very heavy periods and they wanted to just make sure all looked ok. Which it did.
Does that matter at all or interfere with anything?
Could you let me know - thank you again
AnnieBrooke; Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply so much in detail to my question.
My guilt is so immense that I feel as if I want to disappear into thin air. I feel as though I am being punished by God. Maybe stupid to say but I honestly feel very mental right now.
Sure is not the word. I would rather die then have him know. There would be no understanding and I will have ruined my child's life (the one we have now) I could not live if that happened. That I ruined our lives cause I am a disgusting person.
I do very much appreciate your thoughts though and your words though.
The past 3 period I have been at 26 days cycle. Prior to that one was 25days.
First days of my last periods:
7/05/2015
7/30/2015
8/25/2015
9/20/2015
10/16/2015
I want to say yes I am - I only took one test and it was positive. Plus I did not get my period - I know I took the Plan B and that can throw it off but the test was positive. I would LOVE not to be pregnant - especially this way.
I am going tomorrow to the clinic. They will do a sonogram there. Is it too early? Meaning the advice you gave me could I tell from tomorrows sonogram?
(I was planning on going and getting the Abortion Pill there are two different pills they give you one there you at the office. It stops progesterone (so stops the growth) the the second set of pills you take 24 hours later and you insert them vaginally and that basically makes you have a miscarriage. The pill that I am referring too is legal and been around for a long time and only is given in very earlier stages. Otherwise you would need a medical one which I really don't want to do. I really don't want to do any of it. I want to re-wind time but that's not an option.
I will ask him to question and see what he can remember.
Question would the Plan B that I took after have helped at all if he was the one that it happened by? I took it within the 72 hour window.
I had already checked with DDC prior to posting and they said 9 weeks and 1 day is the earliest I can test.
They said results in 10 days approx- which would put me at like a little over 10 weeks. If I do that and it turns out to be from my mistake than I have to have an abortion. I would feel terrible waiting so long to do it.
I have had one before but I was super young and in college and honestly no regrets. (may sound bad to some people)
But now that I am a mom and I remember all those sonograms etc - I would feel horrible about what I would have to do - but I would HAVE too.
If it turns out that it is positive then I will be overjoyed and yet still scared. It's just the fact that how this whole thing is happening... it's like tainted.
It will be something that will be in the back of my head.
I will spend the rest of my life repenting and making amends.
So one part of me says I should just get the abortion pill and be done. BUT what if it is my husbands and I am "messing" up more than I already have.
We did want another child ...so its like I would be ruining it.
Sorry I know I sound like a lunatic. It's like how STUPID am I? I ruined my own life with my own hands.
I wish I would just get a sign from God. I am so so sorry for what I have done. Sorry is not the word ..its too light of a word. I am mortified.
Excuse my rant - my apologies.
Could you please let me know what you think. Thank you again
My guilt is so immense that I feel as if I want to disappear into thin air. I feel as though I am being punished by God. Maybe stupid to say but I honestly feel very mental right now.
Sure is not the word. I would rather die then have him know. There would be no understanding and I will have ruined my child's life (the one we have now) I could not live if that happened. That I ruined our lives cause I am a disgusting person.
I do very much appreciate your thoughts though and your words though.
The past 3 period I have been at 26 days cycle. Prior to that one was 25days.
First days of my last periods:
7/05/2015
7/30/2015
8/25/2015
9/20/2015
10/16/2015
I want to say yes I am - I only took one test and it was positive. Plus I did not get my period - I know I took the Plan B and that can throw it off but the test was positive. I would LOVE not to be pregnant - especially this way.
I am going tomorrow to the clinic. They will do a sonogram there. Is it too early? Meaning the advice you gave me could I tell from tomorrows sonogram?
(I was planning on going and getting the Abortion Pill there are two different pills they give you one there you at the office. It stops progesterone (so stops the growth) the the second set of pills you take 24 hours later and you insert them vaginally and that basically makes you have a miscarriage. The pill that I am referring too is legal and been around for a long time and only is given in very earlier stages. Otherwise you would need a medical one which I really don't want to do. I really don't want to do any of it. I want to re-wind time but that's not an option.
I will ask him to question and see what he can remember.
Question would the Plan B that I took after have helped at all if he was the one that it happened by? I took it within the 72 hour window.
I had already checked with DDC prior to posting and they said 9 weeks and 1 day is the earliest I can test.
They said results in 10 days approx- which would put me at like a little over 10 weeks. If I do that and it turns out to be from my mistake than I have to have an abortion. I would feel terrible waiting so long to do it.
I have had one before but I was super young and in college and honestly no regrets. (may sound bad to some people)
But now that I am a mom and I remember all those sonograms etc - I would feel horrible about what I would have to do - but I would HAVE too.
If it turns out that it is positive then I will be overjoyed and yet still scared. It's just the fact that how this whole thing is happening... it's like tainted.
It will be something that will be in the back of my head.
I will spend the rest of my life repenting and making amends.
So one part of me says I should just get the abortion pill and be done. BUT what if it is my husbands and I am "messing" up more than I already have.
We did want another child ...so its like I would be ruining it.
Sorry I know I sound like a lunatic. It's like how STUPID am I? I ruined my own life with my own hands.
I wish I would just get a sign from God. I am so so sorry for what I have done. Sorry is not the word ..its too light of a word. I am mortified.
Excuse my rant - my apologies.
Could you please let me know what you think. Thank you again
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, GHP,
I assume you know for sure that you are pregnant?
Especially if your periods are like clockwork -- seriously not kidding and no wishful thinking, they always come every 26 days no variation ever -- you are most likely to be pregnant by your husband. But the margin is very slim. I would not rush to abortion if you can find out anything more certain, and you can find things out in a couple of ways.
I assume you think you're about 4 weeks 3 days pregnant (counting from the first day of your last period)? Here is what someone would do ideally in this situation:
Get a vaginal ultrasound in your mid-6th week or early 7th week (counting from the first day of your last period).. When signing in at the doctor's office on the day of the appointment, say you're not sure when your last period was, so that date won't influence their estimate of your due date or the pregnancy's gestational age.
When you get the ultrasound, be sure they give you an estimated due date from it. You really want that e.d.d., (or at the very least, an exact weeks and days figure. Keeping in mind that a weeks and days figure from an ultrasound will begin the count on an assumed date of your last period, but the allowance they add is two weeks, which doesn't make sense for someone with a 26-day cycle. Just another reason not to say a period date.) Try to get the estimated due date from the ultrasound.
When you get home with the e.d.d., use an online conception calculator or just count 266 days back from it, on a calendar. That will give you an estimated conception date. If you are lucky, it will indicate pretty clearly that the conception must have been earlier than the 29th.
The ultrasound might be a cost or a hassle to get, but now is the time, since if you can get an accurate idea from it at least you won't have to live with the worry that you made the wrong decision about an abortion. Don't get the ultrasound too late. They are most accurate in the early days as long as it is not too early to see the embryo. By your 6th week (from first day of last period) the embryo is visible and by your 12th week many docs will say the margin for error is 7 days. Your margin for error between the guys is much smaller than that, so even a 10th-week utrasound won't help you to try to decide what is going on.
My calculation is that if you really truly have periods on a 26-day cycle always, you would ovulate around day 12 of your cycle. That would be October 28. Your husband's sperm from the 24th and from the 26th would still be alive in your reproductive tract then. This favors your husband. Unfortunately your egg can live 24 - 36 hours in your system, meaning that possibly the October 29 activity (if some sperm was present, which it is not always in the pre-ejaculate) might have produced the child. But of course, the chances of your husband being the dad are greater..
Since the activity was so recent, would your fling be able to remember if he had recently ejaculated (within the past many hours) prior to having sex with you? If not, or if he had peed several times since ejaculating, in theory his urethra would not have contained any errant sperms waiting to hitch a ride in his pre-ejaculatory fluid. In short, it would strengthen the possibility that the baby is from your husband. But he has to be able to answer this question accurately, no wishful thinking and no revisionist hopeful answers.
If this is just too close to call, one other option is to get a prenatal DNA test. Unfortunately, I don't think you can get them this early. It would be worth checking with Ravgen or the DDC to find out, but I think it has to be after your 12th week or more. But check on this before you take my word for it.
The downsides of doing a prenatal DNA test for paternity are that the best (the only reliable) labs are quite costly, and also waiting would require you to keep the secret that you are pregnant from your husband for a while, or else to pretend to him that you had a miscarriage if you have found out the baby was from the other guy and had an abortion. That's a lot of lying.
Are you SURE you want to keep this a secret from him? I know right now it seems like it will end your life if you tell, but what a mess if you try to hide it. A guy might possibly understand "I had an unplanned moment/ I was drunk/ I was lonely/ it was crazy/ it was wrong/ I can't believe it happened/ I am so remorseful/ it will never happen again," because that is what a guy would say in a similar situation. And there is the argument that he deserves to know the state of his happy marriage. (Unless you have vowed to heaven that as a way to atone for your silence, you will make him the happiest married man in the universe forever from now on. Then perhaps you can justify remaining silent about what prompted that vow.)
But secrets like this have a way of coming out, unfortunately. The guy tells his buddy or his wife, later on, or you let something slip or there is a charge on your credit card or a letter, and your husband figures it out. And the later he finds out, by far the worse it is. It would be much harder for him to understand "I didn't tell you and kept not telling you for all this time, and went through all of this and got an abortion, all to hide my mistake from you" then it would be for him to understand an impulsive sexual moment. Unless, of course, it wasn't actually that impulsive and you had put yourself in a position to flirt with this guy and be craving him and like that. Then it would seem more material to the state of your marriage, and that he has the right to know that your marriage is not as happy as both of you would like to think.
If you just can't stand any of this and don't have the money for a prenatal test (and you're friend won't pay for it) and don't want to wait, it is certainly true that getting an abortion in your fourth week is not complicated and doesn't impact your future fertility.. I don't know anything about "the abortion pill," not how they work or even if they work, but assume that part of the appeal of a pill to you is that it seems simple. Talk to the clinic about what it entails and how well it works, you don't want to end up in more of a mess.than you are now.
I'm sorry, please write back with what you do and what you find out if you go the ultrasound route.
I assume you know for sure that you are pregnant?
Especially if your periods are like clockwork -- seriously not kidding and no wishful thinking, they always come every 26 days no variation ever -- you are most likely to be pregnant by your husband. But the margin is very slim. I would not rush to abortion if you can find out anything more certain, and you can find things out in a couple of ways.
I assume you think you're about 4 weeks 3 days pregnant (counting from the first day of your last period)? Here is what someone would do ideally in this situation:
Get a vaginal ultrasound in your mid-6th week or early 7th week (counting from the first day of your last period).. When signing in at the doctor's office on the day of the appointment, say you're not sure when your last period was, so that date won't influence their estimate of your due date or the pregnancy's gestational age.
When you get the ultrasound, be sure they give you an estimated due date from it. You really want that e.d.d., (or at the very least, an exact weeks and days figure. Keeping in mind that a weeks and days figure from an ultrasound will begin the count on an assumed date of your last period, but the allowance they add is two weeks, which doesn't make sense for someone with a 26-day cycle. Just another reason not to say a period date.) Try to get the estimated due date from the ultrasound.
When you get home with the e.d.d., use an online conception calculator or just count 266 days back from it, on a calendar. That will give you an estimated conception date. If you are lucky, it will indicate pretty clearly that the conception must have been earlier than the 29th.
The ultrasound might be a cost or a hassle to get, but now is the time, since if you can get an accurate idea from it at least you won't have to live with the worry that you made the wrong decision about an abortion. Don't get the ultrasound too late. They are most accurate in the early days as long as it is not too early to see the embryo. By your 6th week (from first day of last period) the embryo is visible and by your 12th week many docs will say the margin for error is 7 days. Your margin for error between the guys is much smaller than that, so even a 10th-week utrasound won't help you to try to decide what is going on.
My calculation is that if you really truly have periods on a 26-day cycle always, you would ovulate around day 12 of your cycle. That would be October 28. Your husband's sperm from the 24th and from the 26th would still be alive in your reproductive tract then. This favors your husband. Unfortunately your egg can live 24 - 36 hours in your system, meaning that possibly the October 29 activity (if some sperm was present, which it is not always in the pre-ejaculate) might have produced the child. But of course, the chances of your husband being the dad are greater..
Since the activity was so recent, would your fling be able to remember if he had recently ejaculated (within the past many hours) prior to having sex with you? If not, or if he had peed several times since ejaculating, in theory his urethra would not have contained any errant sperms waiting to hitch a ride in his pre-ejaculatory fluid. In short, it would strengthen the possibility that the baby is from your husband. But he has to be able to answer this question accurately, no wishful thinking and no revisionist hopeful answers.
If this is just too close to call, one other option is to get a prenatal DNA test. Unfortunately, I don't think you can get them this early. It would be worth checking with Ravgen or the DDC to find out, but I think it has to be after your 12th week or more. But check on this before you take my word for it.
The downsides of doing a prenatal DNA test for paternity are that the best (the only reliable) labs are quite costly, and also waiting would require you to keep the secret that you are pregnant from your husband for a while, or else to pretend to him that you had a miscarriage if you have found out the baby was from the other guy and had an abortion. That's a lot of lying.
Are you SURE you want to keep this a secret from him? I know right now it seems like it will end your life if you tell, but what a mess if you try to hide it. A guy might possibly understand "I had an unplanned moment/ I was drunk/ I was lonely/ it was crazy/ it was wrong/ I can't believe it happened/ I am so remorseful/ it will never happen again," because that is what a guy would say in a similar situation. And there is the argument that he deserves to know the state of his happy marriage. (Unless you have vowed to heaven that as a way to atone for your silence, you will make him the happiest married man in the universe forever from now on. Then perhaps you can justify remaining silent about what prompted that vow.)
But secrets like this have a way of coming out, unfortunately. The guy tells his buddy or his wife, later on, or you let something slip or there is a charge on your credit card or a letter, and your husband figures it out. And the later he finds out, by far the worse it is. It would be much harder for him to understand "I didn't tell you and kept not telling you for all this time, and went through all of this and got an abortion, all to hide my mistake from you" then it would be for him to understand an impulsive sexual moment. Unless, of course, it wasn't actually that impulsive and you had put yourself in a position to flirt with this guy and be craving him and like that. Then it would seem more material to the state of your marriage, and that he has the right to know that your marriage is not as happy as both of you would like to think.
If you just can't stand any of this and don't have the money for a prenatal test (and you're friend won't pay for it) and don't want to wait, it is certainly true that getting an abortion in your fourth week is not complicated and doesn't impact your future fertility.. I don't know anything about "the abortion pill," not how they work or even if they work, but assume that part of the appeal of a pill to you is that it seems simple. Talk to the clinic about what it entails and how well it works, you don't want to end up in more of a mess.than you are now.
I'm sorry, please write back with what you do and what you find out if you go the ultrasound route.
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This will mean a wait of six weeks, so the other thing to do is sign on with a counselor or therapist and talk talk talk. You won't be able to discuss this with anyone else, not even your fling, because your goal is to be ready to turn your back on the fling, not to draw closer in your crisis. And you will need someone to talk to, so you don't go cuckoo in the interim.
I think that since the odds favor your husband, it is worth taking the gamble of not being able to test until your ninth week and possibly having to have a later abortion. If it seemed like everything pointed most strongly to your lover, different story. But it doesn't seem like that. What if you couldn't ever have another baby and you had this abortion not knowing for sure who is the father? (You think you're going crazy now ...)
The ladies on this community would report that God doesn't give a lot of signs of who the dad is, but it is pretty clear that God understands human distress and frailty. Find a way to talk to someone, that seems to be something God would approve.