am i the only one?

[lonelygirl314]

Am I the only person in the world who feels so depressed, suicidal and lonely all the time? I just moved schools because I was being bullied and only had only one friend. I'm at a different school now and I already knew someone in that school in my year and I've become even better friends with her and I made friends with her friends. But there is only the four of us and they're the looser group of that school. I used to be really genuinely popular until year 8 when my best friend dumped me and the rest of them followed. Ever since then I've been a loner looser. I don't have a social life and because of the bullying I'm sad all the time and have lost all confidence in myself. I have low self esteem and I think that everyone is always looking down on me. When im around people though I pretend to be happy.
Even though I've moved schools, I'm still a looser. No one is bullying me or anything but I just feel so lonely. I do nothing on the weekends unless it's with family or family friends. I don't know wether or not I should stick with the looser group that I've already got, and even if I do decide to change groups it might be too late. everybody already knows that I belong to this group now and how would I start up a conversation when all of them are already talking to their own friends all the time, even in class.
I guess the point of this is that I dont have a social life and I really want to go back to how I used to be which is happy, confident, never thaught twice about approaching someone, I just dont remember how to do it.
When I hear the words friend or life i want to cry because i don't have either of them=( please help me!
If anyone's going to give me the advice to join an after school activity, don't waste your time, I've got 2 after school activities it didn't work.
The doctor also diagnosed me with depression and he said that i have to go to school for my own good. I don't know if this is true or not because I don't want to go to school but i don't want to stay at home alone all day thinking up ways to kill myself but not going through with it because i want to go to heaven. I'M SO CONFUSED! please help me, I feel like I've been trapped in a corner with no way out!      

[medicmommy]

Don't let yourself be paralyzed by what others think of you. Look inside yourself and find those wonderful and unique things that make you a good person who deserves to be treated kindly and with respect -and focus on them! Take a "vacation" (not withdrawing) from people, and declutter your thoughts by finding a peaceful place to write them down in a journal. Discover inspirational and spirit-lifting books that reflect how YOU want to be, not how you see yourself right now. Think about what you've written, and think about what is at the root of your unhappiness. Decide if it is something you can change, or something you will have to accept to get on with your life. You are only responsible for YOUR actions, and other people are responsible for theirs -you will not be able to change them, -that change comes from within...(Say to yourself -"Their garbage, my garbage." Own your own garbage, and get rid of it, and leave others' "garbage" to them to take care of.)
You are a wildflower...Even though you may seem fragile on the outside, you are strong and beautiful on the inside, and will thrive wherever you land. Think of this...Like a wildflower, you are already a survivor and have within you the tools to bloom...Remember, you are #1...((((((((HUGZ)))))))) ~MM

[lonelygirl314]

Thanks for ur advice but I also found out just today that the group that I'm with doesn't like me. I've done everything right. I'm even trying to be happy and more social and confident around people.
Any advice on how to be even more social?

[beachchair1]

Please stick with the group that has accepted you.  Only you can change how you feel about your life.  The popular group cannot make you happy.  It's an inside job.  You will find you will be much happier when you just focus on making yourself a better person and accepting where you are right now.  I know how you feel, but I can tell you by experiece no one else can help you.  You have to do the makeover.  Acceptance is the answer.  Have fun with the girls you are hanging with.  Bloom where you are planted and know you are where you are supposed to be at this time and on this journey.  Hang in there.

[lonelygirl314]

Thanks guys, but I also didn't mention that I don't feel comfortable with the group that I'm in now and I don't even know if they really like me or if they are only hanging out with me because of the person I already know. Plus the other two girls in the group are really close and I feel like I don't fit in.
Sorry for going on again, thanks for the comments though. <3
p.s. does anyone know what i should do about my social issues. eg: not knowing how to start up a convesation or thinking too much about wether or not someone will like me.
Also I started councelling with the school councellor on Wednesday and Thursday and I'm staritng councelling with a phycollogist on Thursday.
BTW: I do talk to my mum every night but my dad died when I was 11.

[leeland86]

wow, medicmommy is bang on 100%!!!, it couldnt have been said any better. Believe me when i tell you that this is one of the greatest pieces of advice you can get and hopefully her past can light a fire and inspire you!! This is why this website is so great, you are definitely not alone! Keep your head high and keep positive, life is extemely precious and so are you. Everyone is created beautifully but differently, reread what medicmommy had written to you, its truly inspiring!!!

[Princessdaniella]

Firstly, No You are not the only one feeling this way otherwise no one would be able to support You and be understanding and this forum would not have been created for the use of people with these problems. So do not believe for a minute that You are alone because that is not the case at all many people are going through this same situation.
Secondly, You have the most important friends you can. No matter how many of You there are. You have friends who like You for You and understand You and care about you. Not people who are bullying others and pretending to be someone else because they are insecure and need to belong in a group titled as popular.
And Thirdly, Your doctor is right. Giving up on Your school and Your future is not the best thing for You or for anyone. Do not give up because a group of people want you to. You are the strong one ignoring them You are the one with a life because You are continuing at school and caring about your future. The people bullying you and putting you down are the people who have no life, there the people spending their time putting you down and using all their time to make you feel uncomfortable.
You are better than that, you continue and you let them know it does not bother You. One day You will be the person who has a future and those people who spent their time in school putting you down will be the people who are failing because they never took the chance to learn when they could.

[medicmommy]

Hello.
Once upon a time I was you...My depression was from feeling isolated from others because my step-father was molesting me and I thought for sure everyone could see how dirty I was because of what he was doing. I was afraid to have anyone over because I though he'd try things on them too, and then everyone would know my horrible secret. I felt like trash, and that I somehow brought on all of this myself (I was 11 years old). I was teased in Jr High because I had a terrible self-image and didn't wash my hair or change my clothes before school after I'd done barn chores. I always moped around, hung my head, and barely spoke to anyone...
It took me about a year of counseling years later, but I realized I'd been living in a shell. I learned to square my shoulders and had to consciously keep my chin up to look other people in the eye. I found out that I was responsible for my own actions and how I wanted the world to see me. If I held my head up proud, and spoke to others as if I expected to be treated with respect, they did! It was really weird when I discovered that people will respect you if you respect yourself. -Its that simple. Everything falls into place after that. If you show that you are open to others (not being closed off like you have been) people will come to you and want to be YOUR friend. You sound like you are still harboring some pretty bitter feelings about what your "friends" did to you. Anyone would have felt betrayed and even would have gone though a grieving process. Kids can be oblivious at the hurt they cause because they are trying to follow the current leader, and end up leaving others behind. I had to learn how to express my anger (I used to beat my bed with a tennis racket and yell about how mad I was and why!!! -It was quite helpful -you should try it! LOL) I hope this helps you in some small way. I would suggest counseling too, -only because it gives you tools on how to see yourself as you want others to see you, and how to rebuild your self-esteem. You are a valued and beautiful person, and everyone in the world has a purpose. Perhaps yours is to grow strong again, and to relate your experience to another person who is where you are now...Keep you chin up, and believe in something bigger than yourself. Be not afraid of moving slowly, but only of not moving at all...(((((((((HUGZ)))))))))~MM

[remar]

You do have some friends. I always say if you have at least one really good friend your a very lucky person. It does'nt matter what group your in. I was very quiet in school. I did get along with everyone but only had a few friends that were true friends. You know what? I'm still friends with some of them even to this day. We're much older and have families now.
You say you've been diagnosed with depression. Are you in any kind of counseling right now? I think it might be a great help to you.
High school can be so hard on kids but soon you'll be out of school and moving on to college or starting a career maybe.
I hope things get better for you. Talk to your parents about the way you feel and get in to counseling, if your not doing that already. We're here for you. Take care. Remar