What is Wrong with me

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

For the past year I lost my mind. I'm unhappy. My Dh lost his job is at home a lot. I'm struggling, we are looking for a house we now live in a small apartment, and lately I feel like I'm loosing it. I'm screaming on my Dh and my kids all day, I have no one to talk to. I'm sitting in the bedroom all day, I don't feel like cleaning as I usually am a clean freak. I hate the light rooms the sun everything. I am having issues with DH and want him out. We were wanting another baby, now I'm not sure. I don't work I stay home, I am going to be taking some more classes soon for nursing. I'm not sure I'm I'm depressed or just need to get a way for a bit. I really feel alone and depressed. I just want to scream. When I had my daughter 4 years ago I changed. I now am very forgetful. I can't remember something I did 10 minutes ago. I have no help and feel useless. I just don't know what to do.I want to just run and hide

[4Maddie44]

Hey there,

Have you talked to a doctor about how you are feeling.  Have you been prescribed anti-depressants?  If not, it may help you.

Depression takes many different forms, and everyone is different.  I have had lots of physical aches and pains in the past, due to depression.  Others have nausea and headaches, etc.  It could be that your dislike of light is a symptom of depression, it could be.  

Yes you are right, money problems and very cold weather don't help.  

Have you a relative or friend who you can talk to?  My daughter is the one I turn too when I am worried.  My daughter-in-law has depression after the birth of her first child 5 years ago.  She works part-time and manages with anti-depressants.

Carry on writing to us here, and we will support you as much as we can.

Take care

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

Thank you for your input. Yes it's true after my daughter I changed. I'm also very forgetful. I want to get out of this stage, and the weather making it worst today it is -15 degrees outside. And of course money issues make everything worst. I have no one really to talk about my depression. This forum helped me a lot with my pregnancy/ family issues and now I have depression issues. Today I woke up feeling depressed and angry. I don't know why the sun and lights bother me it never has before, but it has for over a year. Not sure if it has to deal with depression.  

Best of luck to you also. You will fight it were all strong.

[4Maddie44]

Sounds like you have post natal depression after birth of your child four years ago.  So difficult for you to cope with depression.  I admire you that you can still function and look after the children.

I am so sorry that your husband does not understand your illness.  Leave literature around the house for him to read, and understand that you are one among many who have a real debilitating illness.  Seems people who have not had depression, just do not understand.  Can you not talk to him about it.  He seems to have a closed mind.  Some people think we can just "pull ourselves together."  They do not realise how depression affects every aspect of our life?

I am so pleased that you want to get out there and do things for yourself.  Well done.  That is a first step.

I have climbed up out of shutting myself away, and I am now socialising again.  I am old, but not too old to fight depression.  

You are young, so I wish you well in your fight.  Try and get the whole of your family understanding how you feel.  I am sure they will be sympathetic.  It makes such a difference if you have family support.

Keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

Blessings

[Bubulous]

Ok, I had the third one done earlier but got to doing something and closed it out without sending or saving it.  I am going to try to redo it.  

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

I will take a look at them

[Bubulous]

I have posted 2 "fighting depression" questions on the depression and bipolar forums.  I am working on a part 3 today that goes deeper into it.  It will talk a lot about Cognitive Behavior Therapy, at least what I know about it.  It also will talk some about my codependent behaviors and patience.

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

Hi Larry, I visited my sister today. I felt good and happy. I'm at home now and been okay. But I know tomorrow morning it will kick in. I just need to have a positive attitude. Thinking maybe if morning jogs will help me out clearing my mind. How are you dealing with your depression

[Bubulous]

You will.  You have the right attitude, and you have some tips and knowledge now...so run with it.

Best of luck.  Keep coming back if you need some help or just want to let me know how it is going.

Larry

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

Good advice, everything you have said is true. I do need to get out of this awful stage

[Bubulous]

Yeah don't feel guilty the irritation, lack of motivation, and weight gain are all do to the depression, it is textbook.  The things that I told you are necessary to come out of the depression but when you do those things are going to become easier.  You won't have to force yourself to do them anymore.  Also the things that you do to come out of the depression are also the things that are going to keep you out of depression.  It takes 28 days to make something a habit and 90 days to make it second nature.  It works both ways.  When you didn't notice the signs of depression earlier you didn't realize that the longer you stayed in it, the harder it would be to come out of it.  The 28 and 90 day thing doesn't mean you won't come out of the depression earlier, it just means that when you do you must continue to work until you feel your brain chemistry getting back to normal.  It is a lot easier to understand when you are depressed because it is all you think about.  When you are truly happy, you don't have to think about it, You just live.
Other than that the only other thing I can tell you, if you might consider it, is to get on Anti depressant for a short time to take the edge off.  You will not have to be on them forever but they will assist for the first 30 - 90 days.

[New Mommy 2 Be 2007]

Thanks for so much input, in 2011 I went from
Being 160 from my pregnancy to 112. Now I'm up to 130 and seriously upset, all my hard work went down the drain, because I'm stuck and depressed. I know I need me time. My husband just thinks I'm being rude all day, but I'm not I'm depressed and very unhappy. I really dislike my life as of right now. Even my kids are making me upset and I feel awful I feel this way and can't play with them. I am just angry sad all the time. All my friends betrayed me after my wedding, I have two sisters and neices and nephew that make me smile. But I need to go back to school or something. And winter is making all things worst. I'm praying I get this house soon I can at least enjoy being outside in my own yard maybe buy a exercise machine take walks. Get my mind of being depressed. When I was young things made me sad out of the blue. Like for an example if someone was being nice to me I wouldn't want to be nice back. My childhood was fine my teenager years were pretty much messed up. The last few weeks been a nightmare that is never ending, I don't even want to get up in the morning. But on weekdays when my kids go to school their in Pre school one kid goes in morning other in afternoon. I fel Better not great but okay because I go outside and to stores. But then I come home and it hits me all over again. My husband doesn't understand, I just been telling him to leave I just don't want no one around me only my kids. My parents even get me upset and now my sister does. I'm going to visit my older sister today and see how that goes.


Best of luck to you. Thanks

[Bubulous]

Do you do anything for yourself?  Do you have time that you get to focus on you?  How did you do when you were in school last time?
I am sure you are depressed and you will likely stay that way until you get to go to school.  Being stuck in the house will make anyone depressed.   That is not the way our minds are supposed to work.  To release the right chemicals and stabilize yourself you are going to have to figure out how to have some leisure time for yourself.  You need to get out of the house and either hang out with some friends, if you have any.  If not than you need to make some.  You are not likely enjoying your life and your situation.  I suffer from manic depression but even I can keep myself out of depression by socializing and staying busy.  You can do this too.  It takes work and you will have to start with baby steps.  Here is a basic explanation of how I understand and deal with depression:

I have learned what keeps the depression away.
Before I went to Iraq I had a lot going on.  I was teaching martial arts 4 times a week and hanging out with my main instructor in the evenings after class.  I worked with kids in the junior guard program.  It was a program put in place by the National Guard to help troubled young kids.  We dressed them in military uniforms and taught them basic training things.  I also tutored them at school.  The point is I had a lot of friends and a lot of people who loved me.  I am going to work on that again.

The three aspects that you have to work on are the mind, body, and spirit.

I will start with the mind because that is going to be the foundation for the rest of the recovery.  I realized something yesterday.  I woke up depressed and was overwhelmed with it.  I lay down for 2-3 hours but couldn't sleep.  I got up and came in here to work on the computer but I still didn't want to do anything.  I then got a text message from an old friend that I cared for a lot.  I noticed that immediately my mood improved.  That planted a seed that I would end up watering all day with different things I observed.  I did something impulsive that wasn't like me and it made me feel alive again.  I have learned how to fight depression.


I met a therapist once who was diagnosed with clinical depression.  He was an engineer at the time.  One day he realized he was unhappy with his job.  It was a risky decision but he felt immediate relief.  He went back to school and studied to be a social worker.  When I met him he had been a social worker for years and he loves telling the story of how he came out of clinical depression by taking a risk.  Would that be considered an impulsive behavior, yes of course.  Do you think he regrets it, not even a little bit.
I recommend that you do something impulsive.  Not life changing but impulsive.  It will make you feel alive.  It can be something as simple as making faces in the mirror.  You could walk outside and stare at a tree and imaging how many rings it has.  The point is you have ot break out of the routine of seeing this world as a crippling nightmare and start thinking like a kid.  I promise this will work, you just have to be willing to trust a stranger and take control over the thing that used to become natural. Trust me I had one of theworst childhoods a person can have but I had a lot off fun when I was younger.  You think because you are older, grey headed, and beat down that you can't act like a kid.  That is the furthest thing from the truth than anything I have ever heard.

Once you have started coming out of the depression, you have to work on your body.  Do as much or as little as you can physically.  Go for a walk, start out with a 3 minute work out and pulled on that.  Then you can start working on your diet.  Start eating all three meals a day and progress to where you are eating healthier.  I cannot express how important this is.

The spirit will be automatically elevate from working on the other aspects.  It is an everyday challenge.  It is a process and it takes work, but hey if you are suicidal or you are ready to give up, why not try something different.

Anyway, you get the idea.  It starts today and it carries on for the rest of your life.  you can never learn everything there is to know but you can learn everything you need to know: