Anger

[PassionFlower09]

Is anger a part of Depression?

You see my husband cheated on me (he had an emotional affair; treated me like crap; completely tore things apart- he will never admit this. I am just a jealous person  and it is all my fault- according to him), and now I am really sad a lot of times. I also feel anger too. Usually after ruminating about all the **** he has done to me.I love my husband, and I am trying to be calm and nice sense he has some health problems. But at times I really hate him. At times I am very depressed. Actually, the depression feels like it is always present. I just distract myself with things that require mental stimulation- work, reading, socializing ( at least being around others). It is just hard because I see him and I think, he is a lying SOB. It makes me sad. I somehow manage to go to work, but on weekends I really don't want to do anything-it takes a lot to get dressed. On Sunday nights I have to work really hard to pull myself out  of the fog enough so I will wake up in the morning on time and go be productive.

Now my husband's job will put him in the same vicinity has the b*********itch he had the emotional affair with. I just don't know if I can take anymore of this. I told my husband that this makes me sad, and he got mad at me. I hate him. I just can't trust him anymore. I look at him like he is a traitor. I don't think I can take this anymore. I may just have to leave. That will surely help my depression- a complete life change resulting from divorce and an affair.

[mammo]

Depression can cause anger, sadness, lack of motivation and take away our happiness.  It may be that you are not able to forgive him for this, and if not then you need to make a decision.  He is blaming you because he refuses to take responsibility for his actions.  I don't care what is going on in a marriage, if we are unhappy, then we discuss it, work on it together, or we leave.  But we should never disrespect the other by having an affair.  Also, don't blame the other woman.  If your husband loved you, nobody could make him do this.  She is wrong if she knew he was married, but it still comes back to your husband and his actions.  Your husband appears rather insensitive to your feelings, and how much this has hurt you.  You can't live a life of no trust and resentment, it is only hurting you, while he just goes on.  You have to think about what you need, want and deserve, and you didn't deserve this!  I think all this is what is causing you to feel as you do and maybe it's time to start a new life, a new beginning.
I'm sorry you're going thru this, and maybe a trial separation will help you decide what you really want. I do wish you all the best.  Take care.....

[PassionFlower09]

I think it hurts because the wound was just too deep. For example, he doesn't want me to make muffins and crap like that. But then gets so happy when that ***** makes him some and then tells me about it saying, "you could make me cookies too". Or he tells me that men and women know that their mates have affairs and live with it happily saying nothing.Or telling me that he could be having an affair while I work. I know these are all small insignificant, but it hurts. He should understand this. Just last week he got upset because I brought flowers home that were not from him (we had a function at work).But for a second he was jealous. He should imagine that feeling everyday for a year plus add me being an insensitive jerk.Then he would understand how I feel.


As for the other woman, she has a boyfriend. She disregarded them too.So she made a conscious decision-she can be blamed.

He crossed a very delicate line. He says he said a lot of things out of anger. but that does not make me feel better.There are somethings that you can't apologize for. I haven't written about everything that he has done, but I can say that I feel like I am a damaged person now.  And as much as I love him, I hate him too.


He is not sorry. He still hides passwords,lies about taking a  job I told him I did not want him to take.

I guess our relationship is taking a new route. We do what makes us happy individually. So, I am doing just that .  I am taking steps towards things that will make me happier and more accomplished person. I just wish the catalyst was something different and I could enjoy it with my husband as a once did everything else.

It is very hard. My husband does not understand the loss he created and the real effects of his actions.I guess I am just mourning what I used to have... I was so happy before.

[mammo]

He is just plain cruel!  So he is still seeing this woman and speaking to her?  He seems to rubbing your nose in it!  He tells you that people's mates have affairs and do okay because this is what he is doing.  I don' think this is over.  None of this is insignificant..... it's huge!  The only person the other woman has to answer to is her boyfriend, because again, your husband made a conscious decision to cheat, she didn't twist his arm.  His cavalier attitude would make me furious.  But you have to decide what you can and can't live without, it's about your happiness.  I'm sure your mourning the loss of so much, which he chose to throw it away and then think nothing of it!

[PassionFlower09]

I don't know if he is seeing her or not.   These just things he has said before.   I just can't seem to get passed them.


I think about this all time.

[PassionFlower09]

Sorry for giving you the impression that this just happened. I guess in my mind it feels like it just happened.

When I was in the mist of the situation I was always a step behind- finding the lies and the evidence of lies after they occurred. It was only after the fact that all the pieces came together. Now , I am  just dealing with the remaining feelings that I have.

Now, I even feel silly bringing it up to him because I feel like he doesn't care.He just keeps saying he was trying to help a person in need. I just keep saying, your behavior affected our relationship in a very negative way.  I just deal with my feelings on my own and alone. He will never understand or be sorry. I just wanted him to apologize and be as open as needed to be until I could trust him again. Not too much to ask.

[mammo]

I truly feel bad for you, you're not asking for too much at all.  I hope you get thru this and emerge a much happier person. Good luck to you!

[PassionFlower09]

Thanks Mammo, I will be ok. I guess it will take some time.