Namaste,
Things aren't going to change until he decides to change and that may never happen.
You need to decide what kind of quality of life you want and find the way(s) to achieve it. There aren't any easy answers to what you are going through.
Counseling for the both of you would be the best suggestion I could make, knowing what I do, but he would probably refuse to go, but that doesn't mean you can't go alone.
Having a support network available and using it when necessary, so start taking control of your own life.
Michael
I agree with Jikan, you need and deserve some time by yourself, it doesnt matter if your Husband doesnt like it,Tell him beforehand you are going out and will be back later go to the store or meet a girlfriend or go visit Family,if he doesnt like it just ignore his tantrums just walk away from it.Also speak to him regarding his Mom ,he needs to see your side of it and get her to back off. Be strong and stick to it no matter what, no contfrontation just do it. He will get used to it, dont back down, in the Long Term he will appreciate you more.Do the same with all the kids.
There it is. "Be strong and stick to it no matter what. No confrontation, just do it." You've got to answer a 'phone or open a door to get interfered with, right? If there's no other way to get your ol' man's mother to back off, just stop answering and/or opening. You're the front line troop, the infantry, you deal with the day to day problems and others can offer constructive criticism but when it turns into interference you have every right to do whatever you need to in order to put an end to it.