Mammo gave you awesome advice! You do sound depressed and should get some help, because it WILL get better. I think depression is like a vicious circle- we feel depressed, which makes us lose motivation and do less, which makes us lose jobs and hobbies and all the things that make us feel good about ourselves, so then we feel worse and want to do even less... as you might have guessed by now, I know the feelings firsthand. It seems to me that just like me, you have a lot of time on your hands and no immediate goals or projects to motivate you. That gives us time to think of all that we're not doing that we "should" be and all that is wrong and it gets very overwhelming. It's so easy to sink into a rut, and so difficult to climb back out. And yes, I think painkillers can make things worse. I don't know if you're addicted to them (which is different from physically dependent). But even if you're not, they mess with your brain as in affecting how transmittors and receptors send/receive dopamine and other chemicals needed to feel normal and happy. I'm on longterm medication and although it helped at first, I now feel that it's draining me of energy.
Going to a doctor and figuring out what you need to get you feel better is the first step for you. Counseling and/or antidepressants can make a huge difference in how you feel. Once you're feeling more confident and happy, you can start working on the things in your life that you want to change. Start looking into what kind of career you're interested in. Even with health problems, you could probably work. If this seems like too much too soon, find a hobby or interest and get into it. Try to do something that you enjoy and something that makes you feel proud every day- it doesn't have to be major!
I know life feels pretty meaningless right now, but it doesn't have to be. It will get better, not all at once, but little by little. You can make it happen. Keep posting here and let everyone know how it's going!
This sounds like depression and you have many reasons to be depressed. Dealing with pain on a daily basis is enough but you endured some things that would put anyone into a depressed state. The first thing you need to do is seek professional help. There are medications and/or therapy to help you with all of this. A lot of how you feel is being caused by the depression itself and once you get that under control....your life will turn around. You have plenty of time to get your life together and to start moving forward with it. Don't live your life comparing yourself to others....things will happen for you when they're supposed to. Being 28 and not married is common and you shouldn't feel like less of a man because of it. Depression robs us of so much...our confidence, motivation, happiness, desire to be with friends, everything. Take this one day at a time and don't overwhelm yourself with what you aren't doing. You need to get to a better place emotionally to turn your life around so first things first. It was a big step to share your feelings with us and we do understand. We've all been there, so know that there is hope and you can get your life back on track with a little help. See a psychiatrist for an evaluation and so the two of you can determine the best course of treatment for you. Medication can give you back all that depression has robbed you of and allow you to start planning and building on your future. We have to fight back, and not give up. You sound like a very bright young man who has a life waiting for you. Baby steps...day by day towards feeling better and getting excited about where your life is taking you! Seek help and live life to the fullest. Hope this helps and best wishes.