not feeling very good

[mandy876]

I let my family problems get to me.  I wish I could just go away for awhile.  I am so fed up.  I am getting sick at my stomach.  my head is killing me.  tonight I can not sleep I have slept the last 3 nights up into the day.  now I am so upset.  I could not go to sleep if someone hit me in the head with a hammer.  that is what it feels like.  my tmj has flaired back up and my jaw is hurting.  guess what I just give up.  too much for me.  going to take a pain pill  and try to lay down.  mandy876

[mandy876]

I am kind of a quiet person.  not easy for me to meet new people.  I have always been this way.  when I was young I was loved but always told me I did not do things the right way.  mom would say let me do that the right way.  never had much confidence in myself.  I loved my mom and dad dearly.  yes she did want more money to go home.  she mowed our front and back yard and mowed the neighbors front yard.  her mom is my niece who lives with me gave her extra money.  we bought take out food mostly. this time I gave her no money.  I love her and it is hard to say no. I guess because I had no children of my own.  this in a way makes me feel like I am needed.  we helped raise her 1st baby for the 1st five years.  that did cost a lot.  but I love him so much.  when they come.  when everyone is playing with her new baby 4 mos. old.  we go to my room and play games on my laptop.  we laugh and have a blast.  I wish she  had not moved him off to Houston.  long drive.  most of my friends have died or moved away.  I still have one of my favorite friends.  she is a few years older than me.  her and her husbands health is getting bad.  she stopped driving and helps her daughter.  but her last grandchild graduated this year and will go off to college.  she is going to be lost.  my next door neighbor looks after me.  she comes and checks on me if I am not in the front she comes in my room and makes sure I am ok;  if we go any where she feeds our fish.  my niece wants to play bingo. I am not much of a game player.  don't know why.  I still don't have a caR.  I bought the truck and my niece drives it.  mandy876

[sara12345]

That's very good.  I was referring to your posting earlier which read,

"'she wanted 100,00 to come up here.  they again worked things out.  she was suppose to save that money to come up here for mothers day.  they spent it.  I know they will be asking for more money or want money to get home and groceries."  Was not sure if you were giving money there or would be tempted.

But I still think that you need other people in your life besides your niece.  It's not healthy for anyone to only have one other person in their life, especially if it's not a spouse.   Hope that you will get out and try to meet other people to get away from your focus on your lost family.  Wish you well.

[mandy876]

all my family has died except my sister and her 2 daughters.  I have no one else.  my husbands family  most of them have died or live far away.  I had 2 step daughters.  one of them died from drug over use and the other is still living in Houston.  I was told they had moved and that her mother had died.  I  have tried to write to her but no response from her.  my sisters youngest daughter who is 54 and she does not want to see her ever again.  she told me I could have her.  I told her how could you give your precious daughter away she is your flesh and blood.  I always wanted kids but god did not allow me to. they knew she had surgery they never bothered to call either of us to see if she was alright.  she had a part time job at walmarts.  yes I help her,  she helps me. soon as her arms get well she already has some jobs lined up.  if I spend money on her she gives it back to me out of her income tax.  if she does not work I carry her as an dependant.  she is not using me.  I am not paying her to love me. mandt876

[sara12345]

You need to stop dwelling on your family and stop trying to buy off family.  There are many people out in the world that are lonely and need friends.  Start by volunteering somewhere. Then you make friends plus you'll get a perspective on what others have to deal with in their lives.  

P.S.  But don't be giving to the people that you are volunteering to help.  That is always against the rules.

[mandy876]

god gave you a special gift.  you have to be so proud of her,  my niece is the closest  to a daughterthan I could imagine.  the last time I talked to my sister,  she told me she was not allowed at their house.  I said why she is doing so good and is such fun to be with.  she said you take her then.  I could not believe she said that.  who could just throw her own child away.  something I always dreamed of having.  I was married for 24 years.  my hubby died of a heart attack.  he had a enlarged heart.  that was how his dad died.  all the men in his family died in their 50s.  he was one of seven kids.mandy876

[mandy876]

god did not grant me children.  guess i was not good enough for that either.  i have one really good friend but her husband has the asbestos in his lungs and went to see a lawyer Friday.  she did not mention how it came out.  he was in the navy got exposed to it on the ship.there was 6years difference in my sister and my age.  i am the baby.  she never liked me she was spoiled rotten.  it took some of  mothers attention away from her.  she threw her fits and always got what she wanted.  i was quiet and did not require a lot of things.  i was pleased with what i got.  i am nt a material person.  takes very little to please me. i guess i will never see her again.  she sent me a birthday card.  that surprised me.  but that cant make up for the neglect she gave my mom and dad when they were dieing. ibetter close for now i could go on forever.  mmandy876

[remar]

It sounds like you need to put your foot down and quit giving family members money. If they're young then they are able to work. You live on a fixed income and can't afford to help them.
I'm sorry about your sister. I do understand because I'm having some problems with one of my sisters. You think you have a bond that can never be broken and when it is, it is so very hard.
Do you have any children of your own? Do you have any friends you can talk to and do things with?

[mandy876]

my sister.  she has not been to see me or call since mom died 6 years ago.  my bro I law calls about every 3 months.  my other niece never calls are comes to see me or her sister who lives with me. I can understand all the nieces and nephews they have young families and work and things.  I talk to one she writes me on the inter net.  the daughter of the one who lives with me.  she keeps running away from her boyfriend.  she has a 4 month baby and a 6 year old.  she wanted 100,00 to come up here.  they again worked things out.  she was suppose to save that money to come up here for mothers day.  they spent it.  I know they will be asking for more money or want money to get home and groceries.  I love them but this is getting too much I am a widow on a fixed income.  a small s/s and a share of my husbands retirement.  that is all the family everyone else is dead. mandy876

[remar]

Can you say what family members you're having problems with?

[mandy876]

that is what I was trying to do.  I am not allowed to mention their names or anything.  when I called and talked to them.  since they had never been there for me my mom or my daddy.  that I cant let the past go.  so I think it is better.  we just separate.  no one ever wants to know how we are.  but my niece heard her calling.  I was nor answering the phone.  I figured they would take a hint.  by my niece called her back and was so sweet to her and acted like she was worried.  but I am not allowed to talk to them.  this upset me because I was mostly doing this to please.  she made me look like a fool.  then she handed me the phone.  she chewed me out.  saying they loved me.  it was all my fault.  so I just sit and listened.  I cant believe the way she did that,  I was hurt she did not have my back.  mandy876

[remar]

I'm sorry you're going through this. Sometimes we just have to let things go. I understand about family problems because mine is a mess right now. There's nothing I can do about it though so I'm trying not to let it upset me. You have to try your best to do the same thing.
We're here to listen and help anyway we can.