sluggishness

[depressed964]

hai,
      i am banupriya- a postgraduate studend 23 year old.For the last 5 years am feeling like hopeless in life and continously thinking about suicide.I am not able to concentrate in studies.Somehow i managed to complete my ug with very less marks.I am indifferent to everything now n always feeling sluggishness.My present condition is that AM  PARALYSED WITH THOUGHTS  AND SIT IDEALLY WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING FOR HOURS(planning or weaving beautiful dreams about future or very near future).This condition prevails from the last 5 years.Due to strong commitments and obligations i cant end my life,but there is no point in me living like this.I am afraid going for counselling and when i asked my parents for taking me to counselling they are saying otherts will say i am mad if they do so and it will affect my future.Only at evening around 4 pm to 6pm am  somewhat active and energetic...I don find any point in living like this with no presence of mind.I donno wats happening around and like to sit ideally wherever am sitting.Wat can i do? PLEASE HELP
                                                   .Even i feel like going for counselling alone but the problem is like, just as my parents say, if it is all about my attitude or not.Its a point of confusion.My parents were able to convince me its just an attitude problem,but i donno how just an attitude problem make me sit for hours without doing anything in this age.I am in dilemma regarding what to do... n i am studying a course in which quick grasping,judgement and all are needed.
WILL COUNSELLING HELP ME? THEN PLEASE TELL ME SOME GOOD COUNSELLING CENTRES .

[Bubulous]

I sent you a message as well.

[Bubulous]

Yeah, I can see that there is likely something going on besides just being a little down.  I would recommend talking to a therapist and consider talking to a psych dr.  I can tell that you are a very strong person and you are trying your best.  You may have a serious depression problem.
Typically if it lasts as long as it has with you it is a red flag.  Also with the suicidal thoughts, I think that you are going to need some professional help and soon.  It doesn't mean you are a failure and if you are diagnosed with some sort of depression disorder it doesn't mean you can't be treated.  There are a lot of good medicines out there that can greatly improve the quality of your life.  Your mood will pick up along with your confidence and concentration.  Please talk to a doctor and don't harm yourself.  I wasn't strong enough to cope with my depression either.  I attempted suicide and that is how I ended up in treatment and got diagnosed with bipolar.  Since then I have been seeing a therapist and I am on some descent meds that keep me pretty stable.  Don't give up.  You have to fight.  I know that it may not be easy at first but trust me if you make your treatment one of your top priority.   I hope you come back and read this.  I didn't fully understand your situation and I was trying to lift you up a little.  Also please consider what I said.  I have seen a lot of people be able to live their whole lives free of major depression episodes like the one you are stuck in right now.  All you have to do is take that first step.  Please let me know how it is going and if you need to talk I am here for you.

[depressed964]

commitments is just to my parents.I belong to a poor family and my parents are jobless and their only hope is me getting a job.So,u may feel it funny dat i decide to postpone my wish to end life after getn a job so dat i can earn some money n make der life secure.
i am a 23 year old female doing my pg and as u can guess all my age mates are enjoying their life with 99 percentage having fun with their boyfriends and all.
I am entirely different ,not interested in any such things n only want to study n get a job.But UNFORTUNATELY THEY ARE SCORING MORE THAN ME.The thing is i am sure about my IQ that i can rate myself above average in case of IQ still my marks are low because the way i am.
              The problem is am paralysed with thougts and whatever book i take before reading a paragraph i feel it is unimportant and will switch to yet another and finally i wont b studying anything.Whatever i do i feel unimportant.I am not at all confident and mere comment from anybody can shatter me.If such things comes in between studies u could guess what happen.
              All around me started asking me y i am so sad always and thinking what.Even i donno what i am thinking so much.I think i cant concentrate and study due to low energy.In class somedays i can completely concentrate when i am in good energy but else i wont be mentally present.
               my problems now when i shortlist are lack of confidence,negative thinking and concerned fears,SLUGGISHNESS,indifference to everything,lack of consistency,no hope in life,feeling unworthy, always feeling inferior( most of the times for no reason),NO PRESENCE OF MIND AND ALWAYS I AM IN MY OWN WORLD.Then all things i cannot do in reallife or i cant get in real life am wasting time by day dreaming about all such achievements and it is taking most of my time.
              At this point i feel completely hopeless because now i am having studyleave and i studied nothing.These days were like -Morning i don like 2 wakeup eventhough i set alarm at 4 am and all,but in morning i feel like i cant study and wake up at 10 am and all eventhough  i may not feel sleepy after 7 am.but i am afraid about the day n try 2 be in bed as long as i can.
After that i will do my morning things and then go and sit somewhere thinking something and i will timetable for studying but i was not able to follow it because after taking in my hands the books according to my timetable again i will be paralyzed in thoughts and thus went my whole studyleave....
       i feel hopeless n think no meaning in postponing my thought of ending life as i am not even going to pass in exams..........

[Bubulous]

What commitments and obligations do you have.  When did you first notice these thoughts and behaviors?  What are you going to school for?  How ling have you been in school?
What is a typical day for you?

If you don't go seek help you will not have to worry about it affecting your life, because as you said you may not even be around.  That is something I was told once and it really made me think.  If this world is so hard on you that you want to take your life, you have to step back and evaluate what it is that you WANT.  Not what others want,and not what you think you should be doing.  Next time you sit down to reflect think about the load that you have put on your plate.  Think about how many things you do throughout the day that are actually fun.  I don't care what it takes.  You have to decide what kind of life you want to live.  A life filled with stress and fear, or a simple life that doesn't drain your spirit.  If you think you are cookie cutter and you are bored with the life you are living than figure out how to change that.  I understand you want to end it and I am pretty sure I know why....

Anyway let me know a little bit more about you and I can help.  Tell me as much or as little as you wish but try to tell me as much as you can.