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Depression Community
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1488265 tn?1288164757

Depression, Anxiety, and other.

I've been on anti depressants for almost a year. I'm eighteen years old, and I have been depressed for two years.
I'm not sure where to start... I have much to say.
Dec/09-3/10 I was on prozac 20mg
Around march my mood seemed to drop and stay.
4/10-6/10 I was on prozac 40mg
I was too tired and experiencing anxiety, also another mood drop.
6/10-8/10 10mg Welbutrin was added to the prozac
I experienced greater anxiety with less fatigue, mood also had dropped.
8/10- now 60mg Cymbalta (weaned off the prozac, had already weaned off the welbutrin)
My mood kept dropping so I decided to change medications to see if that would help.

The entire year of 2009 I was experimenting with drugs. I smoked about once a month. And did XTC 1-2 times every weekend for ten months. I was feeling depression(didn't know at the time) prior to doing drugs. Needless to say, I screwed my brain big time.
I've been off of anything since December 2009.
In August- December, I was going through major anxiety. I was skipping school, I'm a Straight A student, I quit my job because my anxiety was so bad. I finally made an appointment with a psychiatrist once my psychologist had insisted. They started me on the prozac.
My anxiety was mostly mental, the prozac took care of the physical side effects.
I could not stop my thought process. I couldn't stop thinking even when I read(My favorite hobby). I slept five(or less) hours a night waking up at the same minute every morning without being able to go back to sleep. I went through frequent mood changes, different ones around four times an hour. I would randomly break down and cry. I kept track of time to an obsessive extent.
I began to deal with my anxious mind. -I to this day still think the same, I've just learned how to control it. If I think one thing, my mind will take it and run.

Before all of this, I was able to control my emotions and thought process, and now I'm at a total loss.
I obsess about small things. If I'm not the perfect weight, or if I'm not the right kind of social/antisocial I will become unhappy with my life.
My sleeping pattern is erratic. I'll sleep too little(four hours) or too much(twelve hours) without any seeming pattern.
From December through May I couldn't remember how to enjoy things.
I had to teach myself the feeling of enjoyment, which I now don't understand.
I don't enjoy anything in my life that I once enjoyed.
I feel I'm worthless. Everything I do is worthless.
I used to be a social butterfly, but now I can't stand the company of people.
But if I don't actually put myself around people, I become anxious.
So, I try to interact with people, and it's very difficult for me to make harmless chitchat.
I haven't trusted fully one person to understand who I am, because I think they'll...
Well, I'm not sure what they'll do. I just haven't been able to be around ANYONE without being nervous and uncomfortable. So, it's very difficult to get the courage to be open.

I'm in my freshman year in college now.
I've always been an ace at remembering facts, concentrating, paying attention, and doing my school work.
I'm apathetic to even going to class. When I did go to class, I couldn't concentrate.
Where I could memorize two pages of notes in an hour. Now, I can't memorize three words in one minute.
This has changed the entire way I've learned material for the past 10 years.
So, I dropped a few of my classes to lessen the load.
But I'm still having the same problems, just less of them.

I guess I have a whole mess of problems.
Depression seems to be a good place to start.
Social Anxiety is a close second.
On top of everything, I've maintained a stubborn apathy toward everything. Some days I'm apathetic to my weird anxious needs(very rarely), I don't care about my hygiene for days at a time, I don't care to keep my living quarters clean, It's hard to gain the motivation to battle my overwhelming worthless/pessimistic attitude.

I try to be logical about my problems, and sometimes it creates barriers in how I'm interpreting myself.
So.. I'd like any pointers. Or advice. Or ideas to motivate myself.
Anything at all would be great.
1 Responses
1390847 tn?1344661068
Everything your saying makes complete sence you have serious depression and anxiety.  Are you in therapy? becuase if you aren't (or are) you should start or continue it.  Also, medication helps a lot.  Maybe Prozac isnt the medication for you? Maybe talk to your phyciatrist about other options.  I originally was on Lexapro but switched to Pristiq because Lexapro just wasn't doing it for me.  Pristiq however is starting to take a good effect on me.  Once you have the right medication to help lesson the symptoms, you can really focus on building yourself up again to the happy person you were meant to be.  Reading is actually a really good hobby to have when you have anxiety and depression.  It gives you a different reality to focus on.  I know reading helps me a lot, so i would encourage continueing to read.  As for the social anxiety and such, forcing yourself to maintain a job is a really good thing i think.  I mean, working helps get your mind off those obsessive thoughts when it comes to anxiety.  Maybe get a job that requires a lot of attention and keeps you busy.  I also think its a good think to maintain a job because, well, you'll be proud of yourself.  Instead of saying "I have anxiety and depression so I quit" you can say "I have anxiety and i have depression but i fought through it and maintained a job".  
Also--it may cause LOTS of anxiety in the begining but i think forcing yourself to go out with more people will be really good for you in the long run.  It will be hard at first, but once you go out with people a bunch of times it becomes the "norm" and maybe you wont obsess about it so much.
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