I know this is hard to hear when you're in the thick of the darkness, but help really is out there! I am living, breathing proof! I had a fabulous job, wonderful friends, a beautiful home, a loving, supportive family, but I had never felt so horribly alone, lonely, and devastatingly sad. I was down to decisions on means of ending my life when for some reason I reached out to someone who'd never come through for me be before--figured no danger now. Low and behold, he got me into a fantastic therapist's office, and with the right balance of meds, I started to see daylight again. It took about 6 weeks to get the right combination of talk and chemical going, but here I am 20 years later and I can honestly thank my dad for saving my life. I tell you all this because when the crying jags hit and you have no idea why you're crying, you start to feel like everyone judges. They don't. That's just another facet of this incidious illness called depression that makes you think you are the worst possible person, and so does everyone else. And oh, the guilt! For no reason!!! Please take some advice from an old pro here: find someone whom you can talk to PROFESSIONALLY. Friends and family are great, but they are not qualified. Social worker, psychologist, clergy, any of these and then ultimately your primary care for meds if deemed necessary. I hope this helps. Wishing you all the best, my friend!
A lot of times depression is chemically based. You could be the luckiest person in the world and still be depressed because the chemical levels in your brain are messed up. I have anxiety/depression, and I know for sure that my anxiety at least is chemically based, because when I started taking medication (Pristiq) nearly all my anxiety instantly went away.
I would seek help from a psychiatrist, medication and therapy together have proven to be the best help possible for depression. But only a psychiatrist could tell you if you really need medication, becuase it also could be linked to something in your past, and therapy can really help you sort that out and move on. Medication lessons the symptoms while therapy gets to the root of things and helps build you up to be a stronger and happier person. I really encourage you to seek help because you DONT need to feel this way! You are not alone, depression realllly su*cks. But if you can fight your way through it, you will end up being a stronger and happier person because of it.