What's wrong with me

[Nicole7142]

I don't know if I'm depressed. I had the nickname "Smiley" in school and people used to describe me as the happy bubbly girl. Here I am now, 36 years old, and that happy bubbly person is gone. I don't understand what happened. But I want it back. I've been with my husband for 12 years, 7 of them married. For those of you familiar with Winnie the Pooh, he is the "Eyeore" of the group and I'm "Tigger"-that analogy describes us perfectly. I wrestle with the painful idea that he drags me down. I don't understand how I can love (and like) someone so much but now be wondering if divorce would make me happier.
  I have absolutely no sex drive which is a mystery because I used to be very sensual and enjoy a healthy sex life. I want no part of it. This has been a problem for about 4 or 5 years.
  We have 2 great children, 3 and 5 mos. This is not baby blues or postpartum depression. These feelings were here long before I was even pregnant.
  Money is a problem for us. Between his 2 jobs and me working part time from the house, we are always struggling. The most frustrating part of that is that we are both college educated professionals. I hate money, it's a lousy way to keep score. We still rent and have a nice but small apartment in a 2-family. Buying a house is a 2 year goal right now but I wonder if I want to buy a home with him. I can't believe I just admitted that.
  I'm getting my thyroid level rechecked in a couple weeks (been on medication to regulate an underactive thyroid for 3 yrs.).
  I think I had a nervous breakdown a couple weeks ago-I stormed(not angrily but flailing with emotions) into the kitchen, knelt on the floor, and just stared at it until I cried then had to put myself together enough when my daughter came into the kitchen asking what was wrong with me. I feel the same twinges of emotion that I felt then.
  I want to know what's wrong with me and who I should go to for help.  Anyone have suggestions?
Nicole

[LeftCoastChick]

I think anyone can go through a personal crisis period, actually everyone I know has.
Getting in to see a psychiatrist will be very beneficial, you might just need some talk therapy, you might need more. I do think you need to explore these options before ending what sounds like a great partnership. Moods can really affect your perceptions on everything. Remember, this too shall pass. :)

[therese83]

Dear Nicole

Get the thyroid checked for sure.

When the levels there are normal, I think you have to admit that you need to see a psychiatrist.  Your behaviour indicates that you do have depression and perhaps the recent birth has advanced it.

I love my husband we have been together 25 years, when depression hit me I wanted to leave him so badly because I believed he didnt really love me.

I could have walked away from everything (four children).  Now with treatment I have completely regained my balance.  That is my experience and I hope it helps you.

[ILADVOCATE]

Certainly you should speak to a psychiatrist but make sure to explain everything that's going on. You might very well have depression but from other things you are describing that are bursts of emotion it might be an aspect of bipolar. I know before I recovered from schizoaffective disorder (with the bipolar aspect) that in an agitated mixed state which has the depressive affect (mood) of depression but the speeded up quality of mania that it might seem like I was angry at the world. And make sure the thyroid medication, (although you need to take it of course) isn't contributing to this. I know some thyroid medications are being used experimentally for bipolar depression so clearly they can create mood changes but of course a low thyroid level would create depression although once that's ruled out I would believe that you have depression and potentially bipolar. Its hard to tell but speak to a psychiatrist about both and they'll come to a good conclusion as both require seperate classes of medications.