I can't seem to recover

[luri]

I lost a 4 yr. battle trying to save my Husband from drugs, I finally had to kick Him out, It was Him or the family.
After all the insane drama, violent s, financial destruction, He finally went to rehab,And came out blaming me for his problems, He still is addicted to crack, I had to get a P.T.O. He keeps threatening  to kill me,I still can't shack the fact that I let this happen to me,
I have bad days of depression, My self esteem is gone,I'm taking lexipro. What can I do?

[luri]

  Hi, I did something better than therapy , I bought a 1840's cottage, I found it in the woods close to my house, I'm in love with it, Its almost totally fallen in on its self,
   Nothing like hard work, I think I'm my old self again...I hope everything works your way...thank you

[luri]

Hi, My little one is home sick today, I woke up this morning and decided to look forward, At the time I wrote this post I was about as sad as anyone could get, I really loved my ex, He was fun- happy, He always drank to much, That was getting old, I thought we would handle  that with AA,
    After He wrote the fake script, I never let him come home again, He had a stroke from to much of everything a few months before He was arrested, After that night He was never the same again, His paranoia was so bad, He would stand at the window with a gun, He thought the FBI was after him, I could not get Him to get help for himself... I tried, Every time I would try to have a conversation with Him, He would scream and call me things so low. He choked me in front of are baby, on and on... I had no choice but to place a peace bond him, I moved to my other house,I live in fear that He will kill me one day.When I say He spend thousands of dollars on crack and pills... If He ran out of money, He would go to my rental prop. and steal washers, dryers..a long list of my stuff',I should have called the law, I learned alot from Intervention ,Its hard to just be happy with all this going on,,,I don't plan to date again, I don't trust my taste in a partner any more, I don't want the kids to go through any thing like this again,,, I love my kids, my life.. I'm happy I found this web-site... I can learned a lot.I am interested in why people get so addicted to drugs, I can understand pain pills, I just can't see the cocaine thing..There doesn't seem to be a happy ending for my ex.

[birdie0907]

Only you can live your life, so if that is a comfort, stop wondering about Him. He has his own life separate from yours, which is somewhat fortunate for you since many women would give anything to get the ex out of their family. Believe me, the courts are not fair as our niece is discovering trying to get her sex criminal ex out of her son's life, but the courts have other ideas and the poor boy has to live with the pervert (only with another adult around though) every other week.

Whatever you did with Him is past so try to focus on your life. It is all you have.

[luri]

    Thank you, That was a great slap in the face,,,just what I needed, I'm not going to die anymore, I am a popular artist, I need to get back to work... I will make some time to talk with a professional.   I need to start leaving my house anyway...

[OtisDaMan]

When depressed, and especially when there has been chronic stress for some time, the brain is unable to appreciate the range of future scenarios available. What seems to take place as a person becomes severely depressed is that the brain loses much of its ability to perform complex planning, and so it resorts to a reflexive response to problems in an effort to bypass the planning and decision making it is unable to do. My theory is that when suffering from depression, a lot of the negative thinking and endless second-guessing about our problems is an attempt to compensate for our currently deficient planning and decision making. If we are unable to solve a problem while in this state, it is a blow to our already precarious sense of confidence, and it too is subjected to the cycle of negative thinking.

The bottom line is that you have good reason to be depressed given the stresses of your situation. If you weren't at least a little depressed I would have been surprised. However, getting out of depression has to be the goal, and given the fact that the circumstances are challenging, it would be wise to have at least a couple of appointments with a specialist - a psychologist or a psychiatrist. They can be of assistance in helping you organise a methodical approach to climbing out of depression and also to improving your overall situation - which is probably a necessity as it is most likely a big factor in being depressed in the first place. While both psychologists and pyschiatrists can help in this way, it is the psychiatrist who is also able to prescribe medication.

All the best whatever you choose to do,

OtisDaMan

[luri]

Thank you, My family is so much better now that Mom is back, It was a nightmare for us,  To see a Man drop that low is so haunting, I know i tried to help. I only stayed for the kids, Are son is 6 an is special needs, He would try to help watch him, Only to find out He was taking him to crack houses,  I was so shocked! I had to cut of all visitations, My ex has not been seen since the court order, ...That's all the past, I'm a well know artist, I can,t seem to attend any of my shows...
My problem is WHY,,,How could He do this to us...I can't seem to shack it. I know its the drugs.Or just a selfish flawed soulless human.. ... I  don't miss the drama, I'm just in shock...My son screams for His Dad, He doesn't understand.. I will not date because I don't want My son to get attached   to anyone.. I can't go through this again,,,I feel like my life is just over...I can't go to therapy ,because I work for myself and I have to spend all my time working before J gets home from school...Thank you for your letter...

[whodunnit]

Hi,

You've done more than most human beings would for him. He clearly has one love, drugs and himself. Nothing else enters his mind except money and hurting others. Anything to make himself feel better.

No we don't all get more depressed as we get older. It feels like that but what it is really is the effects of the bad life events making us cynical, afraid and depressed about new possibilities.

We need to learn how to stop that mental prediction of a bad outcome for every event as that is based on what we have experienced. If it's all bad, that's what we expect. But look around and see how many people do not feel that way, because they have been lucky or worked very hard to make things good in their relationships.

None of us can change another person, none. Once we know what they are we have a choice. Stay and adapt or move on. That is your option, move on and keep away from him and his lifestyle.

In the meantime do contioinue with your meds as prescribed but could I suggest talk therapy is probably much more beneficial for you in the long ter,? Talking about the mistakes he made, you made and what to do in future. Reviewing it all with someone who won't judge you.

You sound a wonderful person and I wish I could take away your misery right now. You have to do that, you and your support, medical and family etc.

Good luck

[luri]

  I have never really fit in. I'm kind to a fault to other people, I'm afraid to become close to anyone again, . I'm pretty, I have my own business, I never ask for a thing, yet.I give to people that take it from me,
   I don't ever see myself dating again, My ex has told me such things about me that i'm afraid to let anyone near me again, I hope he just destroyed me to make himself feel better, Until i made him finally leave us,he was soooo in love with me, He just never came home,
I'm an artist, I think maybe we get more depressed over life...i'm not sure...

[cujo446]

I am sorry to hear about your problems.  I was addicted to crack for 3 years spending every penny I made driving a cab.  I brought my family through a financial meltdown and finally decided to get clean after coming home after  several days and finding a note from my wife saying My dad is dying i am at the hospital.  I then hit bottom and quit cold turkey.  Ive stayed clean for years but was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and anxiety.  My advice to you is to get a psychciatrist that is good and take it one day at a time and gradually your self-esteem will improve and your depression with a combination of counseling and the right meds!!  I am curious were you depressed before this event or at any other time in your life:?