Aa
I think i should try again to die
In the past 2 years i've tried to kill myself 4 times. I've been on so many different meds and in different types of mental health programs and i still see no future for my self. I'm alone and never had any friends or a relationship. i spent 22years
rarely leaving the house and i think it is to late for me. Mabye i should just take all my meds or jump of a bridge, hanging my self and cutting my wrists didn't work. I've been 302'd twice so i can't buy a gun. i'm jusy scared.
rarely leaving the house and i think it is to late for me. Mabye i should just take all my meds or jump of a bridge, hanging my self and cutting my wrists didn't work. I've been 302'd twice so i can't buy a gun. i'm jusy scared.
I have every pill known to man right now and enough sleeping pills not to wake up tomorrow but then there's Haiti and when I think of how selfish I am to even think of killing myself in that light it helps. Or a kid hungry tonite or cold no heat or hot water or mean parents hurting them or animals...and if I die I can't do a darn thing to stop any of this or help which is what God intended for me or I'd be dead already. I spent 10 yrs trying to die after my dad died drugging and drinking when all that was wrong was a sick ill heart and soul nothing physical to make it ok to take meds. I think medication causes depression cause I've upped my inderal which I take for cervical migraines have cervical and lumbar spinal stenosis among ten things wrong. Lyrica and I don't get on is all, and inderal well don' know. I believe all of us were implanted in our moms wombs to come out into the world for a purpose, and even if that purpose is for me to read your mail or you mine telling you that this will pass then so it shall be. I will pray for everybody in the forum ( non religious prayers)...and send that energy to all of you. There is a God talk to he or she think God is both. Take a look at your meds and talk it out with your doctor my bet is our meds are the culprit.
God be with you Ejamesr~ now and always ...( take a walk get some sun) S
God be with you Ejamesr~ now and always ...( take a walk get some sun) S
These thoughts are your illness talking and not you.
That is how it is Depression causes these negative suicidal thoughts, look for different treatment , thinking of you !
That is how it is Depression causes these negative suicidal thoughts, look for different treatment , thinking of you !
Just found this thread and...... EJAMESR, plz don't do "it" !
I suffered through 2 Major Depressions and several clinical depressions so I know how bad things can feel . That hopeless feeling is a bummer. Also know that many of us on this Board know how you feel. You are not alone.
I see from your Profile that you enjoy walking dogs and photography, so those two intersts are a good sign. It means that there are little dogs out there that count on you!
During my first "Major" Depression,(major = serious) , I owned a little Shitdzu-Terrier mix and he was the light of my life. I often say that my little dog helped to save my life because he was quite old and needed me so much that having him in my life forced me to think about feeding him, walking him everyday, taking him to the VET, etc. My dog forced me to think of some "living thing" other than myself. I was not married, had no children, no mate, etc, just like you!
After that, I was able to drag myself (literally drag myself) to a Doc and then they placed me on Meds that helped me to hurdle that funk.
So, when you take your dogs for a walk, does it help you to think about another "living thing" more than yourself?
And if so, I bet that makes you feel better,right?
Do you like movies? Some of them are emotional lifters. I'm a movie buff, and I love going to those old movie premieres by myself. That way I get to be around other ("shy") movie buffs like me!!.... Just an example of something you can do that doesn't cost much $$, but gets you around people....human contact.
Example,I just saw "YES MAN" and I had to crack-up during that scene showing that group taking photos as they were running. I think that, as a photographer, you'll get a kick out of that scene too.
Also, in the movie, the main character feels lonely too (newly divorced, no kids, in a dead-end job, etc), and then he meets this very UNIQUE gal (Unique with a capital "u"!), and she forces the main character to think "differently" about himself.
Sometimes life takes unexpected turns for the better, as in that cute movie, so please don't "do IT", because life can be worthwhile.
I suffered through 2 Major Depressions and several clinical depressions so I know how bad things can feel . That hopeless feeling is a bummer. Also know that many of us on this Board know how you feel. You are not alone.
I see from your Profile that you enjoy walking dogs and photography, so those two intersts are a good sign. It means that there are little dogs out there that count on you!
During my first "Major" Depression,(major = serious) , I owned a little Shitdzu-Terrier mix and he was the light of my life. I often say that my little dog helped to save my life because he was quite old and needed me so much that having him in my life forced me to think about feeding him, walking him everyday, taking him to the VET, etc. My dog forced me to think of some "living thing" other than myself. I was not married, had no children, no mate, etc, just like you!
After that, I was able to drag myself (literally drag myself) to a Doc and then they placed me on Meds that helped me to hurdle that funk.
So, when you take your dogs for a walk, does it help you to think about another "living thing" more than yourself?
And if so, I bet that makes you feel better,right?
Do you like movies? Some of them are emotional lifters. I'm a movie buff, and I love going to those old movie premieres by myself. That way I get to be around other ("shy") movie buffs like me!!.... Just an example of something you can do that doesn't cost much $$, but gets you around people....human contact.
Example,I just saw "YES MAN" and I had to crack-up during that scene showing that group taking photos as they were running. I think that, as a photographer, you'll get a kick out of that scene too.
Also, in the movie, the main character feels lonely too (newly divorced, no kids, in a dead-end job, etc), and then he meets this very UNIQUE gal (Unique with a capital "u"!), and she forces the main character to think "differently" about himself.
Sometimes life takes unexpected turns for the better, as in that cute movie, so please don't "do IT", because life can be worthwhile.
James i know how you feel. Ive been thnking about doin it myself latley. The difference between us is i do have a wife and kids but u see that stuff dont matter.Thats not the prolem. The problem is that im so depressed! I was in a motorcycle accident 5 years ago and life hasnt every been the same. Im on meds but they dontseem to help. S just know that ur not alone.
Listen to me please. I am not sure if you are on an anti-depressant, if you are, you need to contact your DR and let him/her know that you are having those thoughts. Belive me, i've had those thoughts too, i had thoughts of trying to get HIV.. And at times i feel the same as you feel about yourself. Don't give up! Think of your family. The people you love. If your thoughts are getting worse, please go to the nearest Emergency Room.Just do it. I think you should call some depression hotlines as well. Go to the expert forum, a doctor is there giving advice, for 20.00 he'll help you. You gotta do it though.
I still haven't had the guts to try to kill my self again but nothing seems to be getting any better and i'm just getting so tired of trying. I feel like i'm already dead inside. I just don't see any hope for the future. People make everything sound so easy like thiking positve about myself but i just hate looking in the mirror and seeing this ugly freak.
Hey ejamesr,
I too have attempted to kill myself a number of times, and have always seem to fail.
It finally struck me that I wasn't supposed to die, otherwise one of my attempts would have been successful.
So i just couldn't understand what it was that was digging at me so bad that I did not want to go on living, and that is when I finally started to understand.
I am a mechanical type person so I can only relate what is going on inside my head to a car, or a computer, or some other kind of machine, and here is what I have figured out.
Your brain is just like any other machine, and it has a proper way that it has to function otherwise things go out of whack, and nothing seems to make sense.
Look at it like this: your brain is an electrical/monitor/acuator/.
When things are going right in your brain all of the messages that are supposed to be sent to different departments of your brain work just fine, but let there not be enough fluid to transmitt the signals to the different receptors, then things get mixed up, and the messages are either not getting sent to the right places, or they are transmitting the wrong message.
I'm sure that you know all about the synaptic gaps, and the little chemical signals that are sent all over the brain, well when you haven't got the right receptors, or you are low on the right chemicals, then you can't seem to think right anymore.
Now when there are major problems with your brain, you end up being autistic, or with down syndrome, or with spinabiffida, or someother horrible deffect, but then you have got us.
We are the people with small problems within our brains that almost always attach themselves to our emotional centers, and that is why we are always getting depressed.
Now we made need a pill, or a chemicaql that we can take to help restore the right balance to our chemical makeup in our brain, and that may be the only thing we need.
But then there are some of us that need to really get down inside ourselves and see what this imbalance has done to our emotions, and that way we can understand what is going on inside our brains.
I have found that for myself all I needed was the loving my wife has taught me over 34 years to help me understand what was lacking inside my head.
Yes it was a simple as her genuine love that caused my body to develope the chemical that had been lacking my whole life, that finally gave me the answer to overcome my depression.
Now go back 34 years ago when I didn't understand love, (this was due to the way I was treated as a child) and I was a complete mess.
I was looking for love in all the wrong ways, and that is why I was never satisfied with life.
Many times the shrinks gave me medications that were supposed to help me, but they never worked because of all the (street)drugs I was taking on my own that were adding to my problems.
Think about it--- if you mix nitro methane for use in a dragster, and you don't get the mixture correct, it may just all blow up in your hands.
It only has to be a little bit off, and you won't get all of the perfomance out of your funny car that the engine is capable of.
Your brain is no-different.
The chemical solution inside us all, only has to be off a little bit, and it seems that nothing will work right, but get those things back into balance, and your brain will work like a well oiled machine.
Both your's and my brain was either lacking in the proper chemicals, or was in the wrong mixture, and therefore we could only find satisfaction when we were depressed, and contiplating suicide.
Our endorphines we going to the wrong places at the wrong time, and they were filling that emptiness we know oh so well.
I lost my daughter back in 2001, and my depresssion hit an all time low, but it was then that my wife gave me the support, love, and undersdtanding that I have ever known before, and it was her love that put the chemicals into the right proportions inside my head, and I came out the other side a complete, and loving man.
I finally understood my own depression, and I was finally able to recognize it, so I was able to deal with it in a much healthier way.
Now when the anniversery of my daughters death comes around each year, I know that I can go to my inner self, and make those chemicals that bring about peace.
Sometimes I do need to go see a counselor, and there have been a couple of times my shrink wants to put me back on meds, but I stand up for myself, and explain that with just a little listening, and compassion from my wife, and my counselor, and I will be just fine without them.
I can tell you two things for sure; one if you committ suicide you will never know the answers, and two without the help and understanding from someone who really cares you are going to have an uphill battle your whole life.
I too have attempted to kill myself a number of times, and have always seem to fail.
It finally struck me that I wasn't supposed to die, otherwise one of my attempts would have been successful.
So i just couldn't understand what it was that was digging at me so bad that I did not want to go on living, and that is when I finally started to understand.
I am a mechanical type person so I can only relate what is going on inside my head to a car, or a computer, or some other kind of machine, and here is what I have figured out.
Your brain is just like any other machine, and it has a proper way that it has to function otherwise things go out of whack, and nothing seems to make sense.
Look at it like this: your brain is an electrical/monitor/acuator/.
When things are going right in your brain all of the messages that are supposed to be sent to different departments of your brain work just fine, but let there not be enough fluid to transmitt the signals to the different receptors, then things get mixed up, and the messages are either not getting sent to the right places, or they are transmitting the wrong message.
I'm sure that you know all about the synaptic gaps, and the little chemical signals that are sent all over the brain, well when you haven't got the right receptors, or you are low on the right chemicals, then you can't seem to think right anymore.
Now when there are major problems with your brain, you end up being autistic, or with down syndrome, or with spinabiffida, or someother horrible deffect, but then you have got us.
We are the people with small problems within our brains that almost always attach themselves to our emotional centers, and that is why we are always getting depressed.
Now we made need a pill, or a chemicaql that we can take to help restore the right balance to our chemical makeup in our brain, and that may be the only thing we need.
But then there are some of us that need to really get down inside ourselves and see what this imbalance has done to our emotions, and that way we can understand what is going on inside our brains.
I have found that for myself all I needed was the loving my wife has taught me over 34 years to help me understand what was lacking inside my head.
Yes it was a simple as her genuine love that caused my body to develope the chemical that had been lacking my whole life, that finally gave me the answer to overcome my depression.
Now go back 34 years ago when I didn't understand love, (this was due to the way I was treated as a child) and I was a complete mess.
I was looking for love in all the wrong ways, and that is why I was never satisfied with life.
Many times the shrinks gave me medications that were supposed to help me, but they never worked because of all the (street)drugs I was taking on my own that were adding to my problems.
Think about it--- if you mix nitro methane for use in a dragster, and you don't get the mixture correct, it may just all blow up in your hands.
It only has to be a little bit off, and you won't get all of the perfomance out of your funny car that the engine is capable of.
Your brain is no-different.
The chemical solution inside us all, only has to be off a little bit, and it seems that nothing will work right, but get those things back into balance, and your brain will work like a well oiled machine.
Both your's and my brain was either lacking in the proper chemicals, or was in the wrong mixture, and therefore we could only find satisfaction when we were depressed, and contiplating suicide.
Our endorphines we going to the wrong places at the wrong time, and they were filling that emptiness we know oh so well.
I lost my daughter back in 2001, and my depresssion hit an all time low, but it was then that my wife gave me the support, love, and undersdtanding that I have ever known before, and it was her love that put the chemicals into the right proportions inside my head, and I came out the other side a complete, and loving man.
I finally understood my own depression, and I was finally able to recognize it, so I was able to deal with it in a much healthier way.
Now when the anniversery of my daughters death comes around each year, I know that I can go to my inner self, and make those chemicals that bring about peace.
Sometimes I do need to go see a counselor, and there have been a couple of times my shrink wants to put me back on meds, but I stand up for myself, and explain that with just a little listening, and compassion from my wife, and my counselor, and I will be just fine without them.
I can tell you two things for sure; one if you committ suicide you will never know the answers, and two without the help and understanding from someone who really cares you are going to have an uphill battle your whole life.
in some ways i understand im in the process of becoming a introvert and never leaving the house again between depression and my phobias i at times lose hope.
First let me say this hold on to whats dear to you. Death will not solve your problems its not an escape. You must hold strong and find a hope. I know this all sounds like a cope out and me telling you god loves you and that your in my prayers wont help you ethier do know that you will be in the thoughts of everyone who posted and know that you sound like me in many ways but remeber its you who closes yourself off from other i do it to. When im at work i have to put on a happy joy joy face. A mask but i come to realize i need that even though its fake at times it feels real and the people dont seem so dark.
All my life i never had much friends and as so far ive yet to get the girl. I close myself off unless someone talks to me there is no hope. I say this because i can relate to what you said but here me now
their are People out there both for you and those who would love to be your friends. weather its on the net or in real life their out there so dont give up hope just try. You say you do valunteer services Well you can talk to people at the shelter before you run off.
As for help with the depression I've fpund that getting a **** load of hobbies really helps both physical and mentaly chalenging. Work on learning something. Train your body. You said you like photography drive into pick up photoshop start taking tons and tons of photos and playing with them then post them on this site and on deviant art. Dive as deep as you can. Leave dealing with the mental problems at the tharipist and if you cant afford to go then put a set time you will dive into dealing with that medditate it really can help.
Your life and the world may not seem so good but really look hard and you will see that there is a silver lining. If you want an internet friend ill glad to be one for you tell me your problema and vent to me i may only be 19 but i can still listen and understand
If nothing else helps you get though this time know that your life is important as are all of ours and when one person fades away every single human in this world is effected. It may sound crazy but its the truth. In one day you have no idea how many lives you touch even when you dont mean to. If you didnt walk those dogs (im sorry you didnt give any other info for this analigy) Some one else would well maybe that person would be some one else who didnt walk the dogs at that time well they wouldnt be able to do what they do normaly at this time like lets say buy a cup of coffee sound weak well maybe theres a poor man who sits outside that starbucks who he always give a little change to and that poor man takes that change and buys a beer with it and tells his story to the barteder who hears his story and thanks god he has what he does and then i dont know gives him a job more then likly not but the point is that if that chain was broken some were down the line it would really change someones life .
With out you in this world all the thing you could have done and all the people you could have effected will not be. So your life is so very valuble never forget that .
I'm sorry if these word arnt what you needed or just arnt eough pls tell us how you feel know that we who write woundnt take this time if we didnt care and know it puts us in a weak spot im not saying dont post how you feel and whats going on thats what this place is for. I'm just trying to let you know how vauble these words are we spent time trying to help you. Please feel better and i hope you find sth pls dont give up Life is so much and so many people wish for it but lost it be strong and pull your self up do what ever you need to do to feel better.
First let me say this hold on to whats dear to you. Death will not solve your problems its not an escape. You must hold strong and find a hope. I know this all sounds like a cope out and me telling you god loves you and that your in my prayers wont help you ethier do know that you will be in the thoughts of everyone who posted and know that you sound like me in many ways but remeber its you who closes yourself off from other i do it to. When im at work i have to put on a happy joy joy face. A mask but i come to realize i need that even though its fake at times it feels real and the people dont seem so dark.
All my life i never had much friends and as so far ive yet to get the girl. I close myself off unless someone talks to me there is no hope. I say this because i can relate to what you said but here me now
their are People out there both for you and those who would love to be your friends. weather its on the net or in real life their out there so dont give up hope just try. You say you do valunteer services Well you can talk to people at the shelter before you run off.
As for help with the depression I've fpund that getting a **** load of hobbies really helps both physical and mentaly chalenging. Work on learning something. Train your body. You said you like photography drive into pick up photoshop start taking tons and tons of photos and playing with them then post them on this site and on deviant art. Dive as deep as you can. Leave dealing with the mental problems at the tharipist and if you cant afford to go then put a set time you will dive into dealing with that medditate it really can help.
Your life and the world may not seem so good but really look hard and you will see that there is a silver lining. If you want an internet friend ill glad to be one for you tell me your problema and vent to me i may only be 19 but i can still listen and understand
If nothing else helps you get though this time know that your life is important as are all of ours and when one person fades away every single human in this world is effected. It may sound crazy but its the truth. In one day you have no idea how many lives you touch even when you dont mean to. If you didnt walk those dogs (im sorry you didnt give any other info for this analigy) Some one else would well maybe that person would be some one else who didnt walk the dogs at that time well they wouldnt be able to do what they do normaly at this time like lets say buy a cup of coffee sound weak well maybe theres a poor man who sits outside that starbucks who he always give a little change to and that poor man takes that change and buys a beer with it and tells his story to the barteder who hears his story and thanks god he has what he does and then i dont know gives him a job more then likly not but the point is that if that chain was broken some were down the line it would really change someones life .
With out you in this world all the thing you could have done and all the people you could have effected will not be. So your life is so very valuble never forget that .
I'm sorry if these word arnt what you needed or just arnt eough pls tell us how you feel know that we who write woundnt take this time if we didnt care and know it puts us in a weak spot im not saying dont post how you feel and whats going on thats what this place is for. I'm just trying to let you know how vauble these words are we spent time trying to help you. Please feel better and i hope you find sth pls dont give up Life is so much and so many people wish for it but lost it be strong and pull your self up do what ever you need to do to feel better.
Once I took an "accidental" overdose thinking it would end my misery. It took time, but with determination and a wonderful psychiatrist I pulled through. Now when I think about ending my life I think about my children and what I would be doing to them and what a memory I would be leaving them. Don't do it. Work through it. Ask for help. Crawl your way back. You can do it.
I've felt like this before. But you need to really realize what is going on. Even if you killed yourself you get no satisfaction from doing it.
thank you. I'm just tired of feeling like a freak, my thearpist tells me all these nice things about my self but she is just doing her job and i have trouble trusting her. it is not normal to be teriffied of woman and the thought of having a sexual relationship or being a 47 year old virgin that knows nothing about sex. i feel like burning my self again right now but i'll try not to do it.
It's never too late, many of us are much older before we find peace. Your attempts at taking your life in the past have failed for a reason. You don't know that ending your life will end your problems, it may just be the begiining of a much worse suffering. I know you're scared, and very frustrated, but please don't give up. We have to keep fighting every day, until we find what works best for us with therapy and medication. You've just made friends with a lot of people right here, that's a good start. We all have been there and truly understand where you're coming from. The busier you stay the less time you have to worry about all this. You may have to force yourself to get out and start doing things, but do it, it will get easier and you will feel better. Staying in the house all the time is just making everything worse. A good place to start is church. Get involved by volunteering for many things, you'll find comfort and hope, plus many friends. They have support groups for just about everything. We're always here, so please stay with us and know you're not alone in this. Take care....
Please don't do it, you are someone in this world, you belong here for a reason.....Let's try to see what your purpose is. Believe me I'm depressed and ready to call it quits sometimes but I have my kids that depend on me. If you don't have kids you have yourself. You need you to get better. Keep trying, please don't give up, if you don't I won't. Where are you? let me know if I can help you in any way shape or form. Look into http://www.lowselfhelpsystems.org/about/about-self-help-systems.asp
Life is a precious gift from God and to just throw it all away is really wrong. Death comes to us all anyway, why hurry it when there is so much to live for. I know how you are feeling because I have been there and still am in ways. But, I am a fighter and I can tell you right now its all do to the drugs you have been on. I am myself going through alot of hell from withdrawls from the drugs. There is a sight and a Dr. who really cares and can help you. Go to drugawareness.org and see what you find there. There is a doctor named Dr. Ann Blake tracy who has spent years researching the effects of these drugs. Please give her a chance to help you and to understand why you feel like you do. They give an 800 number there as an order number and I called it and left a number for someone to call back and Dr. Tracy herself called on a Sunday morning. She has saved my life for all she has told me and helped me and even though yes those taughts of wanting to die are still there I now am more angry with the drugs and those who put me on them, I want to fight back but realize to do so I must live. Please give Dr. Tracy a try. May God walk with you
Why give up on life that easily? Don't you think you can find a solution to your problem? Things can go wrong over a prolonged period of time, life is all about up and down. Let's just say you are in a roller coaster that have a long fall. How can you know all the happy things life can bring you if you are not there to see them as they happen? Have you tried to make friends? Online friend seeking groups? The newspaper? You are not alone in this condition. At 47 years old life isn't over. Try to see beauty in life, read some books on that subject, try to find yourself some passions, some hobbies. Have you tried exercising? It helps boosting self-esteem and also your body produces a whole lot of hormones that not a single med will give you, and a gym is a good place to meet people.
If you think about killing yourself please call 911 before doing something you might regret.
Best wishes,
M4
If you think about killing yourself please call 911 before doing something you might regret.
Best wishes,
M4
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