Hi I really need help I don't know what to do :(. Maybe someone else has felt this way and has some advice.
I'm a 20 year old guy and lately everything has been falling apart. I've struggled with bad anxiety all my life. I'm very shy, don't have any good friends, and spend most of my time alone. Everything was getting better during the summer I was feeling more confident, healthy, and outgoing. I was very creative in my work and felt happy. Then the seasons changed and I'm worse than I've ever been.
I don't know why I feel like this. I feel SO hopeless and alone. I want to be happy, I'm so sick of being scared to talk to new people, I'm sick of being shy, alone, and awkward. Going out is such a big ordeal that it leaves me feeling like I'm coming back from a war zone. And on top of all that to add to the loneliness and problems I turn out to be gay so I've never had a real relationship in my life and probably never will. I feel like such a pathetic loser. I have no self confidence or sense of self worth anymore. I'm just miserable and hopeless.
I keep dredging along thinking I'll get more confident and happy and things will get easier if I just go out more, if I just talk to more people, if I just muscle through it, suck it up, and quit being such a weakling but almost every other day I spend hours crying in my room because its so hard for me to have any fun, to meet anybody, or to do anything. I feel so hopeless and broken.
What's wrong with me? Why am I so anxious, awkward in public, and sad? Is this depression, what do I do?
Thank you for reading this I tried to make it not too long.