El_dave

[lonewolf07]

Has anyone heard from el_dave?  Some of us are concerned about him.

[el_dave]

Not always so funny, and I wish not always so realistic, my friend. I just replied to Wolfie, and it took half an hour to do it because in my lil' heart I love my vision of Wolf she's built up in my "mind" (it's a facsimile, but almost as good as the real thing). I didn't want to whine. My chauvinism knows no ends, Wolf is my friend, why should I be and how can I be false to her? Because I'm very, very ill, man. Since my precious Sweetling isn't right around the corner any longer we can't be together as often, and sometimes I have time to think, to step back down to earth and actually think. What is some 58 year old totally committed coot doing making time with a sweet and beautiful young thing like Sweetling? What chance has she to replace that defective husband of hers while I'm around to take up the slack? Dunno, man, too many such thoughts, and today I'm physically dizzy and feel actually physically ill for the first time in longer than I can remember. Too much reality. Perhaps an overdose.

I learned from my aborted bye-bye attempt, and built myself a kit which is hidden back in the woods. No more interference from nosy neighbors, It's a bit scary that it's not scary to think about strolling back there and using it. Hensley, my spirit has been dipped in reality, and I'm covered in it's tarry, sticky oil, and I can't flap my wings to fly. What am I doing here making feeble whimpering noises while vainly struggling in the muck?

Oh, the happiness, the glory, the absolute magnificence of having two "significant others".. do you know, Sir, that there are people so entirely devoid of sense that they've suggested that I only mention our "triangle" because I want other guys to envy me and want girls to think I'm desirable? Oh, yes, yes that's it. It's so good of them to enligten me with their wisdom. I'm sure every guy just absolutely would kill to have these tears streaming down his face, and every girl out there is just wishing to God that she could also have half a man. Because that's what each of my babies has, half a man.

Don't know what to do, my friend. At this point I'm desperate, so desperate that I'd even take temporary chemical release. Here's what I have: klonopin, zoloft, mirtapazine, paroxetine, and citalopram. And of course my tramadols, but those I understand, and they can't help this kind of pain. You know I don't take any of that stuff, so I know nothing about it. Are any of those substances such that I could take some to temporarily ease this desolation?

I know what I'd really like to take: one Baby Doll and one Icepick, together with me in a bedroom, where I lay dying, them happy to see my release, each kissing one cheek and telling me that they love me and assuring me that they'll be all right. That's where I'm at. man, and when I hit the "post" button to send that message to the beautiful Wolf it struck me that this isn't the place to hide it, and she's not a person to hide it from. But she'll read this and know I'm sorry for pretending.

Oh, Geez. See what sort of things there are? While I was writing this my friend Jessica calls, and if she doesn't pay the court $200 by Tuesday they'll have a warrant out on her. Yes, I know she's not my responsibility. She's not my wife, and not even my Sweetling. But she stayed on the 'phone for an hour telling me her troubles in a thinly disguised plea for my help. I'm drained, Hensley, and it's not their fault. I can hear her trying to control her children in the background, she sounds so much like Sweetling it's phenomental. Oh well, at least that trashes the back woods. Can't turn my back on any woman I've been to bed with. Icepick says it's a fault, but I just can't see it that way. Gotta run off and find another $200. A mission, just what I needed. A mission is like solvent on the oil, I can spread my wings and fly to help a lady in distress. My male chauvinist pigdom knows no bounds, man.

Tell me about the chemicals anyway, Hensley, you know about those things. And I'm sorry to have laid all this on you, you know how it is, burdens grow lighter when shared.

Happy fourth, my friend.

-El Dave

[el_dave]

Wolf, I know you thought me a big fat fibber and a liar to boot. But I swear on my honor as a womanizing perverted commie pinko strange oddity that I really did grow that cucumber in my own garden.

*I* should be president, none of those other losers! (Note: OTHER losers). After celebrating national independence from foriegn rule (as opposed to being ruled by our own home grown American despots) the following day would be TRUE independence day. All banks would be wide open (including the vaults), but all bank staff would have the day off. Clothing would be entirely optional. Welfare would include beer. Just write 'El Dave' in on your farcial ballot thing. Remember: Aqui hablamos español, and we do Canada too.

Our slogan: "Vote responsibly: vote El Dave, or don't vote at all!"

-El Dave

[Hensley258]

Hey there he is!

el dave lives! You need to pots more dave. I miss your funny and always realistic view on life.

[lonewolf07]

Don't talk about the gerbil!!!!  Or the vegetables.  LOL

I got the message about the resume; thank you  = )

Sounds like quite a balancing act.  My Icepick is just ticked off because he had to fight with the dog over the coolest place to sleep.  He has cheaper taste than your Icepick - he likes his kitty condo, he just doesn't like sharing it.

Glad you're back and doing anything destructive like turning into a bureaucrat or worse.  Saw the "Governator" on TV tonight.  Whoever would have thought he would even be considered as a presidential candidate?  That job belongs to Lou Ferrigno - remember him?  That was actually in the paper here.

TTYL

wolf

[el_dave]

At the moment, I'm afraid my two combatants,.. excuse me, my two ladies have tapped me out. As soon as I get my hands on some more bucks I have to turn 'em over to the Icepick, but then it's your turn! I don't want any, you know how I feel about money.

My evil twin brother Evad has it all wrong, I didn't lay out in the sun for an hour between storms today, my behind is red because.. uh.. oh, yeah, because Hildy is kinky and paddled my lil' buns! Yeah, that's the ticket!

No, seriously, it really did run a couple of grand to get Dal installed in the new house, and Icepick really is miffed about that. So I've been busy growing a wad of cash to hand her to buy my way back into her good graces. Remember the ladies who said I was a sugar daddy in my journal? I guess I'm my wife's sugar daddy too!  It really is a balancing act, this two women thing, and overcoming the jealousy factor is only the beginning, because there's only one of me to go 'round. And not much of me to begin with, either, so when I disappear it's usually just that I'm in over my head and trying to pull a rabbit out of a hat. Believe me, I'd rather be here with you guys!

Enjoy getting slapped by a lady? Better believe it. This is a public one, right? So I'd better not mention our date with the whips and chains and handcuffs and stuff we made (everyone here has a sense of humor, right? If not, then I'd better state that we really weren't going to do the handcuffs. Just the whips and chains. And the gerbil.).

So how ya doin'? Did you get my message about the resume thingie?

-El Dave

[el_dave]

Truthfully? Naw, I always figure folks get tired of my silliness. Whining about Dallas all the time, complaining about the balancing act I have to do to keep the peace (or as close as I can to peace) between my two lovelies. To me it's an every day big deal, but I figured other folks probably get tired of hearing about it. It's very nice of you to say otherwise, though. Thing is, I know so little about anything, unless it's romantic triangles, losing weight or motorcycles I'm always just guessing anyway!

-El Dave

[lonewolf07]

If you're handing out money, I want some too  lol

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN????  I should slap you upside the head for disappearing like that.  No, you might actually like it   = )

[ParamedFlorena]

El Dave!

Hi, great to see you around again. You're missed when you're gone (you were aware right?)

[el_dave]

Thank you, my friend. That was very kind of you. Ms. Wolf is a treasure and partaking of her cool is not to be neglected no matter how busy a stumblebum may be. I appreciate your reminding me to call home!

-El Dave

[el_dave]

I think that stumblebum is out there up to no good again!  Probably engaged in some kind of commie pinko giving stuff away or some other dastardly evil. Seriously, though, I know where he is. His wife did a bunch of math and figured he's put a couple of grand into moving his girlfriend into her own house and is MAD at him and wants a couple grand too. Since that neer-do-well lazy good for nothing El Dave is unemployed, he's working his tailbone off to get up a bunch of cash to avoid adding FPUSDHS (frying pan up side de head syndrome) to that list of stuff the VA claims he has. That's what the big fibber claims, anyway, but what I wanna know is how come that tailbone is all tanned like that if the lazy bum isn't spending half the time laying out soaking up the sun?

-El Dave's evil twin, Evad