Why am I feeling so guilty and angry?

[liz196]

My only sibling has been through a lot.  But, I cannot help to have feelings of animosity and anger towards him because of how he behaves.  When he wants something (he is 48), he will leave a message or send a text saying he "needs" this or that instead of asking and always waits for the last minute to say something which puts me in an awkard position taking off from work at the last minute; rearranging plans, etc.  He is disruptive and at times disrespectful.  I also feel like he has taken advantage of my father financially.  I try to remind myself that he needs support, patience, etc., but I only wind up getting frustrated and don't want to spend any time with him because of how he acts.  I go out of my way to avoid him because every time I get together with him and my father, it's all about drama, negative talk and badmouthing.  Because my father has to deal with him every day, I feel like I have no choice but to try, at the every least, to be there for my father but he is also an enabler.  My sibling finally got on medication but has not seeked continuous therapy.  So, I wind up feeling guilty and angry at the same time to the point that I am so confused and depressed that I burst into tears.  How do I handle these constant feelings of frustration?  It is getting to the point that I start to think of only the negative and cringe when one of them calls me because I assume it's because one of them needs something or wants to complain.  Everyone complains to me about him and I am not his mother!

[mammo]

Wow.....so not fair to you.  What you have to do is stop helping your brother.  So long as everyone helps him, he will never help himself. He calls you at the last minute because he knows he can.  Next time he calls just explain that you cannot help due to toher commitments...whatever.  He is taking you down with him, and that's just not fair.  You need to show him that you have a life and other plans when he "needs" you.  He's learned that everyone will drop everything to help him and he takes advantage of this.  Don't feel responsible to meet his needs...that's his job.  Don't feel gulty when telling him "no".  I've been thru this with my younger brother and I finally had to put my foot down and say...no more.  I did worry that he would never find his niche in life...but he did and is doing very well.  Once we stopped enabling him to act as he did...he became responsible for himself.  Let your family know that you appreciate their concerns about your brother but it's wearing on you and there is nothing you can do to change him except to stop enabling him.  You'll not be doing a thing wrong and it may be the kick in the rear he needs!  He's not your responsibilty and he and others need to know this, so stop changing your plans and leaving work....this will be a good start with good reasons as to why you can't help him.  I know it's a difficult position to be in, but who's going to take care of you?  It's time to think of you and what you want out of life. If your dad chooses to enable him then that's his decision and he has to live with that. I do wish you all the best, and trust me your brother will survive just fine.  Take care.

[RainLover71]

Oh Dear,he is taken advantage and its not fair to you and it will continue unless you put your foot down and say enough is enough.You,ve got your life to think about to and your right your not his mother.You both have to sit down and you have to tell him how you feel and that he has become a thorn in your side.Wish you well.