don't know whats wrong with me

[sarah_b]

Hey

Ok, so to brief it up last year i went through a horrible divorce, my husband use to hit me etc etc now soon after i met a guy who made me laugh and we had a good time however the last 4 months i have felt lonley, depressed, and very suicidal, I cry and have panic attacks at night,

i have this terrible HIV phobia and sometimes relate it to the fact i do want to die! no one understands me, no one can give me the love i need and security. I am snappy, tired, don't wanna sleep when i do i can't breath and all so alone. I often think maybe just going would be the best thing possible.

Have tried to discuss this with my bf and friends but no one can help me. What do i do

[MMahon]

It sounds like you are experiencing major depressive illness.  The symptoms you describe are very typical for the illness.  Usually the best treatment is a combination of therapy and medication.  You should see your doctor and get a good physical first and  explain your symptoms to him/her.  My recommendation would to also see a psychiatrist who can help you get your normal life back.

[sarah_b]

Thanks for the reply. Ye i thought it might be something like that. I cannot explain to you what kind of person i am as i am very bubbly always laughing etc. However i just don't want to be here anymore. I have a appointment in 3 weeks with a counceller so he said we can talk about everything there. I always help out others and recently feel that there is just no one there for me! Thanks for the advice

[MMahon]

See if they can push up your appointment so you don't have to wait so long.
Depression and anxiety do not discriminate but I have found over the years that people with depressive illness are more sensitive to the feelings and needs of others becuase they are more keenly aware of their own.  They are more sensitive to the world and people around them because their nervous systems are more 'finely tuned'.  This is just my own opinion.
This is a double edged sword however.  When lifes disappointments occur or life's stressors happen we are more severly impacted by them then most people.
You can and will get back to feeling well and being more hopeful and once you are, you will find that there are good things to look forward to in life.  Hang in there.

[sarah_b]

thanks for those kind words of encouragment- i will try again tommorow. yep it seems when things are good for me they are good and when things are down there just down! and i seem to do some pretty daft things when im down too which i later regret and this whole cycle happens again. : )